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How I found out I want to be a dad.

Posted 10-08-2020 at 11:10 PM by Trebaldin

Serving as a Dom - that's something that sounds false to you? - not to me, but let me explain.

Everyone who's already mad or something, i dare you to open up your mind!

Well, let's start, will we?

I kinda always felt that age play or DD/lg will not be a thing for me, but then that fateful day came and i casually wrote a pm dare to someone who should know by now who's actually meant in here.

Let me get one thing straight first, my so called 'dad' disappeared to never be seen again when i was 4 years old, only thing i know of him, we have the same light curly hair and he had a 3days beard. Later on i started hating him and people who asked me about him were always surprised to hear: "He's an asshole!" stated out with confidence and true belief from a child. They then often said things like: "You're not allowed to talk that way about your father!" and i went on "Of course! He left when i was 4, made us do a test to assure i'm his son! He, in fact, IS an asshole!"

I later felt bad about having no dad sometimes, sure there has been a man in the life of my mother every now and then, but noone who's earned the right to be called a "dad". So i relatively early thought about what will i do if i have kids some day? Leaving them of course was and still is no option, i want to be responsible for my kids, even if her mother and I wouldn't have a relationship anymore for whatever reasons. I always want my kids to have a dad - set condition to have kids later.

I always wanted and stil want to be a better dad than my "genitor" has been.

Some more background, don't read if you're quickly feeling sorry for someone(could be tough):

He died in Summer 2015, i don't remember the month and it isn't important for me to know in any way. As i heard about it, my cousin found me on facebook, i knew the family name, so i wondered what would've happened and responded to her. She gave the 7 digits of my half sister, my father had 2 kids before i was born - a boy and a girl - i knew about them (same story as in my case though). I texted her and we agreed to talk later that day. I called her, she responded and said "Hi! my name?" and went on with "Take a seat, i gotta tell you something." I responded while smoking a cigerette on the balcony "I'm fine, what's up?" She snuffled, took a deep breath and went on "Our Father died!" - I'm still sorry for her - all the bottomless hatered i managed to accumulate over the years broke free as i responded with nothing than pure hate in my voice "I have no father!" and then kept on going to talk to her. My only thought was: "Now you see what you get!"

Back to the actual topic:

We wrote some messages back and forth, i asked about some of her likes, what she enjoys, all the small things you first take care of, not knowing what would be about to happen. I then gave her some custom written dares and her reports made me feel like i was talking to a little girl, sounds kinda weird - it's not. One day she had a reward task and reported about it like a little girl talking about what wonderful things have happend with shining eyes.

Now you know why it's not weird

I decided to keep on writing with her and she became "my little girl" - despite the fact she's not owned by me.
We talk about daily things too, like a lot of others having a, how i call it, "play relationship" on here.

The faithfull day i realized:
I began one day with a good morning message, asking how she's slept and how she feels today. I said she should hurry, 'cause breakfast is getting cold and asked what she wanted to drink for breakfast.

The same day evening:
I asked her before she was going to bed, if she brushed teeth, has been to the toilette and has something to drink at night in case she needs something to drink. Caring that way for her warmed my heart - i don't know why and it doesn't matter, but it felt good - she demanded a nighty night titillation and to be tucked into bed, no sooner said than done. So i described to her how i would tickle her and tuck her into bed. I asked her, if i should keep a crack in the door and she answered that she's a big girl by now and not afraid of the darkness anymore. I cracked a joke and said: Not that someone's standing in mommy and daddy's bedroom, because of a monster. She denied that, so i wished her a good night and sweet dreams and closed the door.


Conclusion:
Caring for a person - which way ever - was to me a thing i have to do, may it be my mom who had a serious medical operation and couldn't even make herself a tea, cause she was bedfast, a friend of mine who had serious issues scoring herself or a buddy left by his girlfriend, i was and will be there to help them get through this!

This mixed with the demand of my own of being a good dad some far away day - what i hadn't thought of a long time and slightly forgot about it - makes me a caregiver with heart and soul and hopefully a good dad in the future!

One last thing:
Never be disgusted by anything and give it a try!
You may strictly seperate your kink life from your so called "normal" life, but in the end both lives are lived by the same person and can easily relate to one another!

I hope you enjoyed that little story and leave a comment if you feel like.

signed - a random guy on the internet named Trebaldin
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Ninjota's Avatar
    Im glad that you have someone to care for! They are lucky to have you as well, and I dont think they realize it.

    Keep going on and doing you best, man!
    Posted 10-08-2020 at 11:24 PM by Ninjota Ninjota is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Trebaldin's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninjota View Comment
    Im glad that you have someone to care for! They are lucky to have you as well, and I dont think they realize it.

    Keep going on and doing you best, man!
    Sadly 'had' someone to take care of, wrote that blog in august 2018, just never released it, i really wish and hope she's fine.
    Posted 10-08-2020 at 11:39 PM by Trebaldin Trebaldin is offline
  3. Old Comment
    HappilySissy's Avatar
    Glad to hear that you expanded into another fetish Trebaldin You have a good heart, I have no doubt you'd make a great father one day! <3
    Posted 10-09-2020 at 01:16 AM by HappilySissy HappilySissy is offline
  4. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    My sympathies for you. My father left my family when I was around 2 years old. My mother threw him out since he beat up my siblings, her, and other relatives. It just didn't work.

    It took me decades to even notice all my anger about him as my 'genitor', as I called him. Father was something different to me, something caring, as you describe it well, and as I see it with my friends and their kids.

    Finally, I started to accept him as my father. A bad father, but nevertheless I inherited more from him than just the genes, until I completed to let all the burdens go. Still in that process. That anger in me my father caused doesn't do any good other than force me to deal with my past, and the person that my father was. He also deceased.

    I wish you all the best, including becoming the good, present, attentive, caring father you would have deserved to have as a child. I am still sad to not having had that loving parent. I feel with you.

    Thanks for sharing
    Posted 10-09-2020 at 04:58 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Trebaldin's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cassandra View Comment
    My sympathies for you. My father left my family when I was around 2 years old. My mother threw him out since he beat up my siblings, her, and other relatives. It just didn't work.

    It took me decades to even notice all my anger about him as my 'genitor', as I called him. Father was something different to me, something caring, as you describe it well, and as I see it with my friends and their kids.

    Finally, I started to accept him as my father. A bad father, but nevertheless I inherited more from him than just the genes, until I completed to let all the burdens go. Still in that process. That anger in me my father caused doesn't do any good other than force me to deal with my past, and the person that my father was. He also deceased.

    I wish you all the best, including becoming the good, present, attentive, caring father you would have deserved to have as a child. I am still sad to not having had that loving parent. I feel with you.

    Thanks for sharing
    Yeah it's like i described in the blog, he and mum were fighting a lot, i can't remember if physical, but they were screaming at each other a lot. He got thrown out by mum and demanded a paternity test at kinda the same time...

    You have my sympathies as well, since we kinda share the same background.

    Also i have to say that i never met him in later years and so there was never any kind of relationship to him. Mum asked a few times if i wanted to meet him, i always said no to that. After he died he's basically dead and gone for me, i don't bother at all. It sounds weird, even to me, but that's how it is.

    Thank you for sharing your story as well. I think you have/had more problems with it than i ever did.
    Posted 10-09-2020 at 09:05 AM by Trebaldin Trebaldin is offline
 

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