What it means to be a dominant.

I frequently run across blogs where people make demands, “you must call me Sir,” or “you will obey me.” In my opinion, dominance is not something that someone can command of a submissive, it is something that is earned, like respect. The louder that you yell to demand it, the less likely it is that anyone will ever grant it.

To me, dominants are accepting. Accepting of self, of peers, of their submissive. Accepting their limits and limitations. Nurturing their flaws, and guiding them to overcome their fears and shortcomings.

A dominant is compassionate. The understanding of the physical, emotional and mental situations that arise daily. The ability to offer comfort and security during times of need. Without compassion you are not a dominant, but merely a sadist.

A dominant should act with courtesy at all times. They should be able to display respect and manners. They should act with dignity and avoid being rude or outright cruel in their actions.

A dominant should have poise. The ability to take charge in any situation and bring a calming influence; grace under pressure. In a world where stressful situations can easily be ignited, a dominant should always retain control.

Humility or the ability to judge one’s own self-worth. Do you put your needs ahead of those of your submissive. Do you choose to demean or are you derogatory towards others to feel better about yourself? Do you use your stature to bully others.

Dominants should display loyalty, an unending devotion to their submissive. A desire to have their submissive know they are safe, secure, and protected in all aspects of their life.

A dominant should be patient. A dominant is the key to the growth and success of their submissive. They should be willing to invest time, avoid frustration, and be there to celebrate their submissive’s achievements.

A dominant is responsible. In control of their actions, and accepting of the results of their actions; good or bad. They should apologize when they have made mistake, and rejoice when they have achieved.

A dominant should be respectful at all times. Of his peers and of his submissive. A dominant who is incapable of showing respect, will not earn respect. A dominant should also maintain a high level of self-respect, without the need for narcissism, pride or vanity.

Service. A dominant is only as good as his/her ability to serve their submissive. By safely, sanely and consensually applying their natural dominance over a situation and their submissive. For you are only a dominant as long as someone is willing to submit to you.

I choose the picture above because it embodies the vision I have of a dominant. An open hand, willing to guide, nurture and aid. I have no doubt that it will soon be parted from my words that I have written, as have so many others before.

I would only ask, and this is a very pointed question to one particular follower, a friend, that you evaluate your situation very closely and carefully. Actions speak louder than words. For in a time when you are lost and confused and upset, did your dominant soothe you, or did he only stoke the fires of your situation. Did he act reasonably, responsibly, and sanely.

I ask because when his hand is wrapped around your throat, when he holds you in a vulnerable and precarious situation, I hope you trust he will always act responsibly and not willfully destroy what you have worked so hard to build.