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Facing fears and pushing limits: Gag and gagging

Posted 04-13-2015 at 09:00 PM by Butterfly
Updated 02-08-2017 at 07:08 PM by Butterfly

One of my limits is using a gag. However I have owned one for a long time.

When I first presented my likes and limits to Sir, along with my toys list, I needed to take the time to explain to him why I had a gag if it was on my limits.

The thought of using a gag has always turned me on. I think there are a few reasons why I am drawn to the thought of using a gag. One of the reasons is that I make noises, and I have a hard time controlling my noises when I am playing. So in situations where it is in my interest to stay a bit quieter, I have struggled and that is where the gag comes in. Even if it doesn't lessen the noise it is a reminder that I need to try and be less noisy.

Another big appeal is the feeling of being helpless. I am a very vocal person, and so taking away my ability to speak leaves me in less control.

Finally, gags are known to cause drool. They are also designed to muffle noises and when you try to speak, it sounds funny. Not to mention it makes you appear different, with your mouth open wide. All of these things add to the humiliation factor. Normally I am against humiliation, but in this case it turns me on.

And so one day I found myself online browsing toys and I took the chance and bought a ball gag. This was almost 2 years ago now. However, I have always been too scared to use it. There was one time that I tried to put it in my mouth, but I started to panic and couldn't do it.

I have a problem with being claustrophobic. Even putting a blanket over my head or wearing a shirt with a high neck can make me panic. So the thought of putting the gag in my mouth caused me major anxiety.

After I talked with Sir about my hesitation and worries, he told me that one day we would try it. But that was over 9 months ago now.

When Sir and I were together in December, I showed him all of my toys. Upon looking at the ball gag, he wasn't even sure if it would fit in my mouth, but even if it did, he didn't want to start with something so big. And so I found myself online toy shopping again, and we bought a bit gag.

I knew going into this trip that we were aiming to try it. And it made me nervous, but I had a lot of other things that were more in the forefront of my mind, and so there wasn't a huge anxiety factor before we tried it.

While we were playing one night, I was being extra loud, and since there were other people in the house, Sir brought the gag to me. He had me hold it in my mouth. He didn't try to tie it behind my head or fasten it to me in anyway, I was just told to bite down and not let it slide out of my mouth.

I was a bit nervous, and at first my breathing was speeding up. I almost panicked, and then I looked at Sir and saw how proud he was and I kept biting it. Sir asked if he could tie it to me and I shook my head no. I wasn't ready for that.

We ran out of time to play more, but Sir and I are going to continue working on me wearing a gag. We talked about using the gag while we weren't playing, and just tying it on loosely while Sir held my hand and kept me calm.

I am really excited to work up to using a gag, especially knowing how proud it made Sir.

Kind of similar to my fear of wearing a gag, I am afraid of gagging. It is feeling something in your throat and not being able to breath and having no control that scares me. It just not something I enjoy. I have never been turned on by the thought of having Sir so deep in my throat that I gag. If anything, it is a turn off.

However, Sir showed me a clip of a woman laying upside down on a chair, tied up and helpless as the man fucked her in the mouth. The video made me very very wet and I knew I had to try it with Sir.

One morning, Sir told me to lay with my head at the end of the bed and dangle my head over the side. As soon as he said those words I froze. I knew what this meant.

My clit started to tingle right away, and I instantly got wet, but I was also shakey and scared. What if he went too deep and I couldn't breath? What if I gagged? What if I puked?

Thankfully Sir helped alleviate some of my stress by not tying me up. This was the first time we were going to play like this, and he wanted me to have a bit of control. I was allowed to use my hands to help control how deep he was going.

I did a lot better than I thought I would. I had to tap him two or three time to tell him I couldn't breath, but I didn't gag once.

I am so glad I didn't panic and say no to Sir when he suggested this position. I briefly thought about using my safeword, but I trusted him and now you can all see why.

Sometimes I swear that Sir knows me better than I know myself. He knows just the right time and how to reassure me. How to make things just a little scary for me. He really is an incredible Dom.

I can't wait to let him tie me up and try this position with him in complete control.
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  1. Old Comment
    drwarschauu's Avatar
    A nice and slow approach with the gag there. I can imagine it being a shame that you like the idea but have it as a limit at the same time. Baby steps! You can do it with time and help!
    Posted 04-14-2015 at 04:28 AM by drwarschauu drwarschauu is online now
  2. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    It really is a shame. I want to jump in head first knowing that it turns me on so much and makes Sir so proud, but the fear really holds me back and makes me freeze. Hopefully one day we will build up to less fear.
    Posted 04-14-2015 at 06:42 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  3. Old Comment
    This sounds amazing! I seriously feel so proud of you. And I'm very, very happy that Asslvr takes such good care of you. Ball gags are kind of scary... I don't know if I'd want one! I have a ring gag that I LOVE.
    It makes me drool a looooot... but it also doesn't feel so constricting. My mouth has to stay open, but there's nothing in the way of my breathing. I am also guilty of leaving it quite loose... I could technically easily spit it out. But I do what I need to in order to feel safe and not freak out. Maybe a ball gag will never be the kind of gag for you. I am also claustrophobic. Collars are an issue because I don't like things around my neck, but I'm slowly getting over it! It just has to be loose.

    I also can't handle more than one sensory deprivation at a time. But you know what? You've inspired me to face that.. maybe....
    Posted 04-14-2015 at 08:13 AM by eivins eivins is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Sorry for not responding sooner Lizzy. Thank you for being proud of me. Asslvr really does make it very easy. I think I want to get a ring gag to try, it is on my wish list!

    I am the same way with collars. That is why my "collar" is a butterfly necklace with a loose chain. I can't even wear turtle neck sweaters without panicking.

    If you can feel safe enough to try it, I feel like more than one sensory deprivation is so worth it. To be gagged, tied, and blindfolded is amazing. Asslvr and I even tried me wearing headphones at one point too, and that was incredible. Every touch is magnified times a million. I am so glad I inspire you.
    Posted 05-20-2015 at 05:18 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

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