Challenges of Will

It's fair to say we all face challenges in life, no one is completely happy, though of course some people come close. Some would argue that finding happiness is one of the points of life...and turning to this site is part of that attempt.

What are some of the challenges I have faced and continue to face?

Apathy/Loneliness...Sometimes it feels easier to switch off from life, I have faced this on and off, recent days have put me back in this situation, referring to the real world my job is starting to lose some of it's shine, I don't feel as challenged as I did and my focus has dimmed somewhat, I continue the struggle to find someone to connect with...I hate the modern dating scene of Tinder, Swipe...Swipe...Swipe...feels so empty and when you do connect, well then you face the uphill struggle of standing out from the crowd and making a meaningful impact, the lifelong search for that connection feels illusive at best and even the company of friends loses it's shimmer.
On this site, which has become a second home to me lately I feel my efforts are mostly in vain, I try to create original posts, find some connection with members here and make friends, but ultimately posts go unnoticed or go dead after a time, people you make a connection with vanish or...worse yet, appear to just be using you for your creativity, rarely wanting to reciprocate.
I have had many thoughts again about walking away, but ultimately that seems defeatist.

Depression...this is a cross many will bear, so I am not pretending to have a monopoly on this, one of the things that keeps me going, is no matter my struggles, others have it much worse than me.
But nonetheless, it is something I have struggled with over the years, I have sought many avenues of escape, whether it be alcohol, drugs or more positive angles such as socialising, games, kindling new interests.
But it always feels like a shadow that lingers, one that is hard to shake and can sneak up on you when you are at your lowest, it can feel like you are trapped in the bottom of a well and it can take a lot of strength to pull yourself back out of it.
There is a quote from Robin Williams that rings true with me:
"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that"
When people see me, they see me being happy and jokey, this is my way to try and lift others out of bad feelings.
I remember meeting a girl from Fetlife a number of years ago, we just met the once and nothing really happened as such, but there was a connection there, she called me emphatic and this stuck with me, a lot of the time I feed on the emotions of those around me, I am happy if others are, I become angry if there is a lot of anger, I become sad if others are down, I can be a bit like a sponge of other peoples emotion.

I ask myself why I struggle with my own emotions and become attached to others, well in truth I have always hated emotion, when I was young I struggled with it immensely, it was always extreme and hard to deal with, I turned to characters on screen such as Spock and Data from Star Trek, who either had no emotion or suppressed it to such a state where it didn't interfere with their lives, my way of coping was to ignore it, which may not be the healthiest of states, but it did help me to get by, it bought me time to learn to deal with my emotions, later on finding more balance as I grew older and more mature.

Lacking a sense of belonging...One of the reasons I post so much on this site, is to try and be a positive influence on here, there are so many members who actually don't care about this site and actively use it for their own gratification or to fill some personal need that they have, being very inwardly focused.
But another important reason that I post is to try and feel part of this community, to make friends, to feel part of a group and something larger than myself.
I am going to talk about the negative experience I have before trying to end on a more positive not.
Linking to what I wrote earlier, I am often feeling let down when posts of mine fall flat, or when they go dead.
A lot of what I create is designed to be ongoing so that it provides another avenue on here for people to have fun and to interact, to have something to do here other than just look for dares or give dares to others.
Games I run seem to go dead when interest and novelty dries up, I move on to the next attempt to notice the same thing happen...it becomes a bit of a continuous cycle and ever self defeating.
This I actually hate mentioning, but I need to be honest here, one of the things that has set me into this negative cycle is the lack of response to my 500 posts thread, I started out thinking this would be a bit of fun, but the silence on it has been deafening, and has really made me feel like my efforts on this site are truly a waste of my time...I hate bringing it up because it makes me feel petty inside and vain for feeling this way and giving so much emphasis to one small thing that was just meant to be a bit of fun, but on a deeper level...it does make me feel like all the effort I put into this site isn't really reciprocated, I give much more than I get back on this site.

Being a switch is difficult, as effectively being a straight male and wanting to explore your submissive side on this site is probably one of the hardest things to do, given not only the lack of women, but all of the potentially fake women on this site, sometimes you are wary of engaging for fear you are being cheated and lied to...

But I promised to end on a more positive note and I shall.

I want to make shout outs to people on this site who are worthy of special merit and the reason I have stuck around and persevered:

Simi for listening to me, being a fun person to talk to and for helping to bump my post
Happy Me for being so positive and appreciative of my threads
Jaro for being an all round good guy, also posting in my thread and being a good king
BondageLisa for being a recent fan of my work and putting together a great dare for me
T5P for being a good friend and providing someone fun to chat and play with
Wampup for being a good laugh and another nice friend to have here
Iheartfun for positive comments on my blogs and being a great source of positivity on this site
Butterfly, again for very positive comments and someone who understands me
Lilith for helping me feel more belonging here

And a general thank you to everyone else I talk to and those that contribute to the site in a positive manner!

Not everything is bleak haha, but sometimes it's nicer when you can get things out in the open and get them out of your system.