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Scattered Thoughts in the Universe
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Scattered Thoughts in the afternoon

Posted 09-19-2018 at 07:09 AM by imakward
Updated 10-17-2018 at 05:53 PM by Happy Me

I'm writing this partially because of the september writing contest and partially for me

i will try to not jump back and forth which i usually do trying to write things like this ,but will see what will happen,here goes nothing..

Hello i'm AK or Imakward ,yes my name is spelled wrong because i did believe that how is spelled for 23 years,yeah its quite funny,i picked this name for couple of reasons but for that i need to take you back 1 year ago.

It was the beginning of 2017 ,i think around second half of January,it wasn't a fun time for me, back then my grandfather just passed away so i was looking for anything that can distract me from my feelings because he was the father i never had and it hit me unimaginably hard ,yeah i know not very emotionally healthy,so here im gonna do the AK way and jump back in time a little bit .

I knew early in my life that i was into BDSM i think i was around 15 when i learned that, but i was rather skittish to look or find people that enjoy the same things,so i rather let it stay in the back of my mind because of various reasons like ,what would people think and what if im the only one that enjoys things like that ,you know the basic stupid shit a 15 year old would think,later on i did try various of things while i was growing up but they were just simple things that i think everyone in their sexual life have tried.

Lets jump back to 2017,when everything with my grandfather happened, i got lets say a wake up call ,and decided that i should dive in into the whole BDSM community i thing that i so long putted off,so in a attempt to escape what was happening i decided to search for forums,communities and anything involving that lifestyle that's how i found KinkTalk,which was quite an exciting experience for me ,i looked around with wonder of how many people enjoyed the same or diffrent aspects of BDSM and kinks ,when i first discovered it i was just lurking and only read the story sections and ad's without ever thinking of posting,after couple of days of just wondering around i found the link that said "getdare" and me choosing to click on it was one of the best decisions in my life so far.

When the GetDare Site loaded and i clicked on the forum i knew i found something that i was looking for all this time a community that enjoys everything i do and more,for the first couple of weeks i just read everything i could from the AMA section to the Lounge, i was overwhelmed by the community that it had,when i first saw that there was a chat i hesitate for couple of days to even opened it ,but finally when i did i was shocked by the positivity it had ,everyone was talking with each other on various topics kink or not kink wise,and quickly i begun to visit the chat more and more often getting to know people and meeting all kinds of wonderful people some which had big impact on my life ,i wont mention names because i don't want to leave someone out ,and without knowing this community helped me overcome and deal with a lot of problems and insecurities i had for which i will be forever grateful.

Sooo..back to why i choose the name Imakward,i've always been awkward around big groups of people,i fair much better one on one,so when i saw the chat i decided that it was the best way for people to know something about me just from my username.
The first weeks of my GetDare journey involved 2 things
1.Keep the chat open and chatting with people
2.Keep a second tab open reading everything i can from each section.

After some days doing the same thing i decided that i have build enough courage to finally post something,so i did i posted my first ad in the Master/slave Area and yes! it was horrible it consisted on 3 sentences and a kik link,yes a kik link,that how bad i was at the beginning
Obviously i recieved a lot of fake or plainly horrible messages and for a while i thought that i was simply not interesting enough,stupidly thinking that doing an ad with 3 sentences is a good ad haha!. So i decided to forfeit the idea of looking for someone to play with for now.

After several months had passed i had now couple of D/S experiences ,some of them really good ,the others horrible,but every experience is a learning one that helps you know better next time,through them i learned that i love being Dominant and what i call myself a Gentle Sadist,So with each day that passed i gained more and more experience and knowledge about the Lifestyle and i grew to love it more and more ,for me a D/S relationship is the most intimate relationship you can have,its a level of trust that cant be compared with anything else in my eyes,i feel like my thoughts are beginning to scatter so i am gonna focus on one of them,my kink journey.

My first experience with having an online subby was both amazing and horrible which was both our faults ,i was new and bit more than i can chew ,and the other person was well... the same,i didn't know how to react properly to things or how to handle certain situations the right way,the only thing i was good at because i think it came naturally to me is delivering a good aftercare and showing how much i respect and value the person that gave me power over him,i am pretty sure its because i've never received that from any person from my family ,so i didn't want anyone to feel like that ,any how after that ended i was in a bit of a bad place,maybe i wasnt made to be a Dominant and i was wondering if i should abandone the idea of it so i don't hurt anymore people,after talking about it with friends i made in getdare they helped me see that this things happen and that its a learning curve and i shouldn't be so hard on myself ,so i just let things happen ,and in the short time of only 2 months i had had several experiences with people that were more or less amazing and shaped the person i became later on and helped me learn what im really looking for in a sub and in a person,but after the last experience i had which was quite horrible i decided to stop looking for a sub and just enjoy in casual chat and play from time to time,and now i am gonna tell you the story that changed my life,before that a short backstory

I was on a Discord group with my favourite GetDare people,and some people i knew because they were friends of my friends.

Now to the story that changed my life:

On August 26 ,2017 Conor Mcgregor was fighting Floyd Mayweather i've never been intersted in boxing but my friends from the discord group talked about it and i decided to watch it,for me to watch it i had to get up at 5 in the morning ,something i would never do on normal circumstances,when i got up i decided to check on them and see if they watching it too,they were mostly from the US and other countries so they were up,and then i saw a person online i've heard only things about through one of my friends because we had diffrent time zones,the person i am talking about was Happy Me i knew only 2 things about her:
1.She was always happy and cheerful,everytime i scrolled back in our discord chats
2.She had a Relationship with one of my friends in the group but now they are close friends
I remember i messaged her with the single sentence "hey nice to meet you" and from then it just builded up like a avalanche ,at first we bounded over our LOVE of Supernatural then of Once upon a time ,and the whole time the match was going on i chatted with her completly forgeting about the boxing ,we instantly clicked her amazingly cheerful personallity overwhelmed me ,i knew i wanted her from the first 5 minutes we texted,we had so much in common ,shows,movies,kinks, our personalities clicked like we were two peaces of a puzzle,after 2 days of non stop texting and getting to know eachother i grew a pair as they say and finally decided to ask her if she wants to be my subby ,and lucky for me she said yes,i remember perfectly well what i felt when i asked her, time had stopped as i awaited for her answer and when she said yes i couldn't stop smiling that whole day ,when we talked for the first time on skype i experienced something that i havent experienced with someone else i wasn't nervous or worried i was just happy and calm ,and with each day we were together ,the feeling inside me of being happy and calm grew more and more ,i have never imagined that 1 year later i would still be with this Amazing girl that i love with all my heart and soul,i never thought i would end up with such an amazing,kind,beautiful, and caring soul,i didn't even know that people like her exsist,and i cherish every moment and second i have with,i wanted to share with all of you this story because i wanted to show how even the stupidest thing like deciding to watch a boxing fight can change your whole world and deliver to you something truly amazing ,if i ever meet Conor or fLoyd i would probably hug them because if they didn't had that match i would never meet this perfect girl i have now i truly feel like the luckiest person in the world.

So at the end i wanna say something that Happy me has told me several times:

"What a beautiful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet."
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  1. Old Comment
    Happy Me's Avatar
    Awwwwww sweet one. I feel like you saved me, I was in such a hard place and struggling so much and you helped me make it through each day with a smile, and gave me strength to advocate for myself and do all of the things I need to do. You’re so wonderful and kind and supportive, and I am so happy about that boxing match too!
    Posted 09-19-2018 at 08:32 AM by Happy Me Happy Me is offline
  2. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Happy Me View Comment
    Awwwwww sweet one. I feel like you saved me, I was in such a hard place and struggling so much and you helped me make it through each day with a smile, and gave me strength to advocate for myself and do all of the things I need to do. You’re so wonderful and kind and supportive, and I am so happy about that boxing match too!
    each day since then the bad ones and the good ones,were always filled with laughter and happiness <3 i'm glad i could help you it was and it is still my favorite thing in the world helping you.
    Posted 09-19-2018 at 08:35 AM by imakward imakward is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Joan Sky's Avatar
    Wow, your blog post and comments are so sweet. Thank you two <3
    Posted 09-19-2018 at 09:30 AM by Joan Sky Joan Sky is offline
  4. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Joan Sky View Comment
    Wow, your blog post and comments are so sweet. Thank you two <3
    Thank you,you're very sweet
    Posted 09-19-2018 at 09:33 AM by imakward imakward is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Consensus's Avatar
    Lovely, just lovely.
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 01:35 PM by Consensus Consensus is offline
  6. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Consensus View Comment
    Lovely, just lovely.
    Thank you very much
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 02:37 PM by imakward imakward is offline

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