Welcome to the (pity) party, pal...
And so this is Christmas... And what have I done?... Well, I'll tell you; life has been kinda crazy lately.
Firstly, I moved. In December. Because this time of year isn't expensive enough or stressful enough. However, having lived the past couple years as a petulant teenager, keeping to my bedroom, rarely venturing into the living room where people might be, hiding from my flatmate... Well, I have a new flatmate who I don't feel a need to hide from, and a living room with lots of fun things in. This will be relevant later, so keep up.
I am here to talk to you all today about something that weighs on my mind from time to time, a rather annoying question that I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves at least once on here: where do I fit in?
I have been playing on here and other sites for about 10 years now, I have tried a hell of a lot, my likes and limits have changed over time, my sexual orientation has become clearer to me (found a great article online about heteroromantic bisexuals that I strongly related to), but the biggest change is what I want from this.
I used to love being a casual sub, it was perfect for me because I could try something new that I'd never even thought about with somebody and then later that week somebody else would tell me to do it without knowing I'd tried, but they'd have their own spin on it... I get bored rather quickly of just the same old tasks, so it worked... Right up to the point that I'd tried pretty much everything I could do solo... At that point I had to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, what I wanted somebody to make me do and what I would need somebody I trusted here in person before I would agree to go through with...
I left here shortly after (as stated in my previous blog) and while I did get to try a few things with my fiance at the time, neither of us had the confidence it required to do very much. Knowing what I do now, I am quite glad we tried, or I'd forever be wondering.
Anyway, upon my return I began to realise I was far more comfortable as a switch, and that I could happily submit and dominate girls, but with guys I was only really comfortable submitting. I have tried to dominate them, but I often got into similar situations whereby they'd be so desperate and utterly obvious in what they were asking for that it was simply a huge turn off. I'm sure there are guys out there who don't turn into gibbering simpletons with the sole aim of getting off and then disappearing on you, but my experience was not with them.
So I started getting back into all things bdsm and finding my place again, and aided by several of the girls on here I discovered the pleasures of dominance. This would prove problematic for a number of reasons, not least of which is my personal belief that online d/s relationships have an expiration date.
Allow me to explain: a d/s relationship requires a handful of things; clear roles, clear rules and mutual attraction. The rules are very easy to establish, the problem lies with the other two. I find it difficult to compartmentalise, which is my downfall, but I've spoken to several others who can manage it and still find it difficult to seperate something so intimate as submitting to somebody, building a friendship and a relationship with them and not want more.
My problem was that my attraction became infatuation, I developed a crush on the girl I was dominating, which made it harder to push her as I had with others before her... Which left her dissatisfied, and I decided that it was best for both of us if this ended before I was in too deep and we both got hurt more. Craven? Definitely. Sensible? It turned out to be.
The alternative is that you avoid getting too involved, define the roles as exclusively dom /sub and then aftercare becomes a problem.
Either scenario results in somebody getting hurt, and I personally don't believe it's worth it. But if you can make it work without it developing into a physical relationship, without one or both of you falling for each other and without things fizzling out, then go for it, but it's not for me.
And so I'm back to casual subbing, but it's not quite fulfilling, I've considered looking for a sub many times, but as I say I don't think it works for me, and I don't see anything changing on here (including me) to make me decide to stay, but I don't really want to go...
So all of this leaves me wondering once again: where do I fit in?
Firstly, I moved. In December. Because this time of year isn't expensive enough or stressful enough. However, having lived the past couple years as a petulant teenager, keeping to my bedroom, rarely venturing into the living room where people might be, hiding from my flatmate... Well, I have a new flatmate who I don't feel a need to hide from, and a living room with lots of fun things in. This will be relevant later, so keep up.
I am here to talk to you all today about something that weighs on my mind from time to time, a rather annoying question that I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves at least once on here: where do I fit in?
I have been playing on here and other sites for about 10 years now, I have tried a hell of a lot, my likes and limits have changed over time, my sexual orientation has become clearer to me (found a great article online about heteroromantic bisexuals that I strongly related to), but the biggest change is what I want from this.
I used to love being a casual sub, it was perfect for me because I could try something new that I'd never even thought about with somebody and then later that week somebody else would tell me to do it without knowing I'd tried, but they'd have their own spin on it... I get bored rather quickly of just the same old tasks, so it worked... Right up to the point that I'd tried pretty much everything I could do solo... At that point I had to figure out what I liked and what I didn't, what I wanted somebody to make me do and what I would need somebody I trusted here in person before I would agree to go through with...
I left here shortly after (as stated in my previous blog) and while I did get to try a few things with my fiance at the time, neither of us had the confidence it required to do very much. Knowing what I do now, I am quite glad we tried, or I'd forever be wondering.
Anyway, upon my return I began to realise I was far more comfortable as a switch, and that I could happily submit and dominate girls, but with guys I was only really comfortable submitting. I have tried to dominate them, but I often got into similar situations whereby they'd be so desperate and utterly obvious in what they were asking for that it was simply a huge turn off. I'm sure there are guys out there who don't turn into gibbering simpletons with the sole aim of getting off and then disappearing on you, but my experience was not with them.
So I started getting back into all things bdsm and finding my place again, and aided by several of the girls on here I discovered the pleasures of dominance. This would prove problematic for a number of reasons, not least of which is my personal belief that online d/s relationships have an expiration date.
Allow me to explain: a d/s relationship requires a handful of things; clear roles, clear rules and mutual attraction. The rules are very easy to establish, the problem lies with the other two. I find it difficult to compartmentalise, which is my downfall, but I've spoken to several others who can manage it and still find it difficult to seperate something so intimate as submitting to somebody, building a friendship and a relationship with them and not want more.
My problem was that my attraction became infatuation, I developed a crush on the girl I was dominating, which made it harder to push her as I had with others before her... Which left her dissatisfied, and I decided that it was best for both of us if this ended before I was in too deep and we both got hurt more. Craven? Definitely. Sensible? It turned out to be.
The alternative is that you avoid getting too involved, define the roles as exclusively dom /sub and then aftercare becomes a problem.
Either scenario results in somebody getting hurt, and I personally don't believe it's worth it. But if you can make it work without it developing into a physical relationship, without one or both of you falling for each other and without things fizzling out, then go for it, but it's not for me.
And so I'm back to casual subbing, but it's not quite fulfilling, I've considered looking for a sub many times, but as I say I don't think it works for me, and I don't see anything changing on here (including me) to make me decide to stay, but I don't really want to go...
So all of this leaves me wondering once again: where do I fit in?
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