Why I Love AM.
It's no secret that I am incredibly happy with Master. It's been a little over 8 months as his slave and I have never been happier.
And although I may skim over the reasons why when asked, I've never gone into full detail-so here some reasons are.
He is patient with me. I never realized before now that I can do so many things others wouldn't be able to but the second my mind thinks "No this is silly" (for example I freeze when he wants me to workout in front of him even though I can do so many sexual things in front of him or when he wants me to dance for him) then I freeze and close up and can't get my brain to connect with my mouth and my whole body becomes immoveable no matter how much I tell it to start moving. He knows when this is happening and guides and encourages me and never makes me feel inadequate or silly for it. He is so patient with me and although he may not like waiting he is willing to until I can bring myself to do it.
He is helpful to me. For so long I viewed begging as a hard limit in regards to my past and what flashbacks it brought up. He didn't pressure me. He asked me why I found it so hard and listened to my reasons. And once he knew he didn't push me but helped, guided and encouraged me. It was my choice to try it for the first time. He was happy to wait several weeks when I researched the best way to beg to your Dom for something. Yes, I actually researched it and spent two or so weeks learning everything that I could. You may ask why if you know me- you'd know it was something I was so against for reasons belonging in my past but...I also knew how happy it would make him.
So I researched and learned and tried my best. And I still don't think I did very well with my first attempt but Master did tell me "Perfection." when he saw it.
He lets me be myself.
I'm a brat. A stubborn sarcastic brat who wants her own way most if not all of the time. He knows this and deals with it. He lets me state whatever I feel like in a sarcastic way and bratty comments. In fact most of the time he laughs along to them with me and tells me in a loving manner "You are terrible." or something of the sort. And not once, ever, does he penalise me for it. Because he recognises it isn't me being disrespectful to him but me letting my true personality shine through to him. Which is something he has always asked me for: To be myself.
I don't recall ever being able to let my true self shine through. Sure, I may have a little bit. But fully? No. I've held back for whatever reason: Thinking I wouldn't be liked, I'd be seen as cheeky, a bad sub/slave etc. But Master? He lets me truly be myself. And I am so grateful.
So many times I have changed to fit others ideals...never again. Why? Because he has shown me that the real me, the real me who I really am... She's fucking damn amazing. I spent so long hating myself for every reason. My looks, my personality, my beliefs.
And now? Now he has shown me...I have a freaking amazaing personality. I am there for friends, aquaintances, loved ones. I always listen and try to help no matter who it is. So many people trust me with their personal stuff and until recently I never knew why and kept asking him why they would do so.
Now I know the answer...because I am trustworthy and helpful. Because I offer help when I can. Because I want to help people. I am the first to admit I don't always make the right choice or judgment. Sometimes I let emotions take over rationality.
But finally...finally, I know that that doesn't matter. Why? Because finally after so many years of self hatred...from self harm to alcohol to anorexia...finally...I like myself. I know I am valuable, that I am worth everything. And I would never have realized this without him.
So to my Master, my daddy, my teacher, my friend, my confidant: Thank you so much. I love you.
And although I may skim over the reasons why when asked, I've never gone into full detail-so here some reasons are.
He is patient with me. I never realized before now that I can do so many things others wouldn't be able to but the second my mind thinks "No this is silly" (for example I freeze when he wants me to workout in front of him even though I can do so many sexual things in front of him or when he wants me to dance for him) then I freeze and close up and can't get my brain to connect with my mouth and my whole body becomes immoveable no matter how much I tell it to start moving. He knows when this is happening and guides and encourages me and never makes me feel inadequate or silly for it. He is so patient with me and although he may not like waiting he is willing to until I can bring myself to do it.
He is helpful to me. For so long I viewed begging as a hard limit in regards to my past and what flashbacks it brought up. He didn't pressure me. He asked me why I found it so hard and listened to my reasons. And once he knew he didn't push me but helped, guided and encouraged me. It was my choice to try it for the first time. He was happy to wait several weeks when I researched the best way to beg to your Dom for something. Yes, I actually researched it and spent two or so weeks learning everything that I could. You may ask why if you know me- you'd know it was something I was so against for reasons belonging in my past but...I also knew how happy it would make him.
So I researched and learned and tried my best. And I still don't think I did very well with my first attempt but Master did tell me "Perfection." when he saw it.
He lets me be myself.
I'm a brat. A stubborn sarcastic brat who wants her own way most if not all of the time. He knows this and deals with it. He lets me state whatever I feel like in a sarcastic way and bratty comments. In fact most of the time he laughs along to them with me and tells me in a loving manner "You are terrible." or something of the sort. And not once, ever, does he penalise me for it. Because he recognises it isn't me being disrespectful to him but me letting my true personality shine through to him. Which is something he has always asked me for: To be myself.
I don't recall ever being able to let my true self shine through. Sure, I may have a little bit. But fully? No. I've held back for whatever reason: Thinking I wouldn't be liked, I'd be seen as cheeky, a bad sub/slave etc. But Master? He lets me truly be myself. And I am so grateful.
So many times I have changed to fit others ideals...never again. Why? Because he has shown me that the real me, the real me who I really am... She's fucking damn amazing. I spent so long hating myself for every reason. My looks, my personality, my beliefs.
And now? Now he has shown me...I have a freaking amazaing personality. I am there for friends, aquaintances, loved ones. I always listen and try to help no matter who it is. So many people trust me with their personal stuff and until recently I never knew why and kept asking him why they would do so.
Now I know the answer...because I am trustworthy and helpful. Because I offer help when I can. Because I want to help people. I am the first to admit I don't always make the right choice or judgment. Sometimes I let emotions take over rationality.
But finally...finally, I know that that doesn't matter. Why? Because finally after so many years of self hatred...from self harm to alcohol to anorexia...finally...I like myself. I know I am valuable, that I am worth everything. And I would never have realized this without him.
So to my Master, my daddy, my teacher, my friend, my confidant: Thank you so much. I love you.
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
I have something in my eye, it will be good in a minute.Posted 03-28-2016 at 05:54 PM by AbusiveMaster 
-
Aww this is so great. And I'm glad he lets you be yourself.
And no matter how you are, we will always like you. Or at least I will. (And you never were or will be a bad sub.)
You are awesome.
I'm glad you have AM.Posted 03-31-2016 at 08:04 AM by LitDarkness
