How desperate for touch when not allowed have I felt during my first week of denial ?

I never been through serious denial before, hence this is a new experience for me that I like to document.

That's what I did whenever I started exploring online BDSM, both for whoever might enjoy reading it, and for me as an outlet, a mode of self-expression, and a journal to keep these dear memories, all of them.

And I know it hasn't been so long, not even a week, it's probably nothing, but it felt intense to me and especially with the number of edges that went with it and I'm for whatever reason (season, hormones, I have no clue) particularly horny and needy lately.

And to answer the question in the title :

So desperate that I ignored rules despite the great risk of landing myself a punishment I won't enjoy in the slightest to get some temporary relief.

So desperate that I played with my nipples and flicked them for a long time instead of being able to do it with my clit.

So desperate that I teased my hole body with my electric tooth brush, relying on the ticklish feeling as a remplacement for the one I wanted so badly.

So desperate that I also teased my ass and anus with it.

So desperate that I kept reading and watching edging BDSM content just to see someone go through the same frustration as me (or more) and feel like I'm not alone in it.

So frustrated that I rocked back and forth and wriggled in random motions in my bed in an attempt to sooth myself.

So frustrated that I started to tell myself this is exactly how a Sub should feel, that feeling satisfied shouldn't be something that I need or require or consider as normal, but rather a luxury, and I should accept it that denied and needy should be my default state.

So denied that I found a way to begin to enjoy that very torturous feeling sometimes.