A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
The Unknown
Posted 02-13-2019 at 10:34 PM by Butterfly
The unknown is scary.
I have always struggled with the unknown.
Surprises make me antsy. Honestly I am terrified that somebody is going to try and throw me a surprise party one day! If I find out before hand, I am NOT showing up. Being truly surprised is one thing, but the anticipation and lead up to it is the worst.
I am a planner. I want to know. I want to prepare myself. But if I don't know then I can't prepare. I can't plan. I can't .... function!
I really have tried to work on being less scared about the unknown. To try and worry less about the things that I cannot control. To try and go with the flow instead of planning every step. But I still struggle.
My anxiety has been higher over the last few months due to some personal traumas that I am facing. Although I have been doing a lot better more recently.
However, there are a few things tonight that I am angsting over.
The first is rather silly, but something that is really tying my tummy up in knots. Tomorrow I am going to a Valentines Day tea at an elementary school. It is super sweet: my best friends little boy invited me as his date. I am very excited to go and I am flattered that he chose me out of all the adults he could have asked. But I have never been there before. I am going to be meeting a whole bunch of people I don't know. I don't know what to expect. I don't even like tea. It just makes me so anxious to think about.
Secondly, there is a lot of unsurity (I feel like I am making these words up) surrounding my future and the future of my family and friends. I have been working with my counselor to put these things on a separate "shelf" where they will sit until I have the information to deal with them. The fact is, I don't know if I can have a baby, I don't know how things will go if my mom moves here, I don't know if my best friend will be moving away soon .... none of these things are certain, and I have 0 control at this time. That is something that I am struggling to grasp. I hate not being in control.
The third that is causing me some anxiety and nerves is that I am currently chatting with a new dom applicant. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt butterflies talking to a potential partner. We have barely grazed the surface of the topic of kink and sexual things, yet, I find myself drawn to him. Our conversation happens very easily and naturally. We just seem to click so well together. But this scares me. It scares me that I have this feeling inside me when he is sleeping ... I miss him. But that's silly. The truth is, things haven't gone very well in my search for a Dom, and its only been a few days. I feel myself getting attached, and I know that it could all just slip away at any moment, and that scares me.
Anyways ... I am rambling. Am I alone? Does the unknown make you anxious? How do you deal with it? Cause right now I feel like somebody is sitting on my chest and they don't want to move.
I have always struggled with the unknown.
Surprises make me antsy. Honestly I am terrified that somebody is going to try and throw me a surprise party one day! If I find out before hand, I am NOT showing up. Being truly surprised is one thing, but the anticipation and lead up to it is the worst.
I am a planner. I want to know. I want to prepare myself. But if I don't know then I can't prepare. I can't plan. I can't .... function!
I really have tried to work on being less scared about the unknown. To try and worry less about the things that I cannot control. To try and go with the flow instead of planning every step. But I still struggle.
My anxiety has been higher over the last few months due to some personal traumas that I am facing. Although I have been doing a lot better more recently.
However, there are a few things tonight that I am angsting over.
The first is rather silly, but something that is really tying my tummy up in knots. Tomorrow I am going to a Valentines Day tea at an elementary school. It is super sweet: my best friends little boy invited me as his date. I am very excited to go and I am flattered that he chose me out of all the adults he could have asked. But I have never been there before. I am going to be meeting a whole bunch of people I don't know. I don't know what to expect. I don't even like tea. It just makes me so anxious to think about.
Secondly, there is a lot of unsurity (I feel like I am making these words up) surrounding my future and the future of my family and friends. I have been working with my counselor to put these things on a separate "shelf" where they will sit until I have the information to deal with them. The fact is, I don't know if I can have a baby, I don't know how things will go if my mom moves here, I don't know if my best friend will be moving away soon .... none of these things are certain, and I have 0 control at this time. That is something that I am struggling to grasp. I hate not being in control.
The third that is causing me some anxiety and nerves is that I am currently chatting with a new dom applicant. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt butterflies talking to a potential partner. We have barely grazed the surface of the topic of kink and sexual things, yet, I find myself drawn to him. Our conversation happens very easily and naturally. We just seem to click so well together. But this scares me. It scares me that I have this feeling inside me when he is sleeping ... I miss him. But that's silly. The truth is, things haven't gone very well in my search for a Dom, and its only been a few days. I feel myself getting attached, and I know that it could all just slip away at any moment, and that scares me.
Anyways ... I am rambling. Am I alone? Does the unknown make you anxious? How do you deal with it? Cause right now I feel like somebody is sitting on my chest and they don't want to move.
Total Comments 26
Comments
-
No, you are not alone and I deal with it by remembering how thing were before and they will be like that when it is all over.
I know my situation and yours is different but look for that little ray of light at the end of the tunnel.Posted 02-13-2019 at 10:51 PM by CagedHiruzen 
-
Thank you. That is helpful.Quote:Originally Posted by CagedHiruzen
No, you are not alone and I deal with it by remembering how thing were before and they will be like that when it is all over.
I know my situation and yours is different but look for that little ray of light at the end of the tunnel.Posted 02-13-2019 at 11:01 PM by Butterfly
-
I can identify with all of this. I manage my anxiety with music and movement. It also helped when my partner could hold my hand literally or metaphorically. Butterflies are good. Luck to you! May whatever is for the best happen.Posted 02-13-2019 at 11:15 PM by Faithfullyyours
-
You... you don't like tea? What's wrong with you!?
Another fellow sufferer of unknown-anxiety reporting. I think I can say without exaggeration that my life has been characterised by a constant battle against that anxiety. Because overcoming it simply means that the anxiety goes away - there is no feeling of triumph - it feels as if I had spent my life in a losing battle. It's not true, of course, but that's how it feels.
I never found a single method, cure, solution - each battle has to be fought from beginning to end.
A small mercy: as you get older the anxiety begins to lose its power. It is still there, but you don't care that much.
Bugger! I honestly meant to write something encouraging!!Posted 02-14-2019 at 01:25 AM by Cstelle
-
Anxiety is the worst. And it is especially painful when you have a lot to deal with. This is where you need to take time for yourself, remember you can't solve all the world's problems. Pick up a book, lose yourself for a while. The healing and recharging powers of such a simple act can be extraordinary.Posted 02-14-2019 at 02:08 AM by Dr.Dom
-
I don't suffer anxiety often, but when I do I don't have a good method of dealing. I pace a lot. Try to sit still but find I keep getting rushes of energy.
I hope that things go well with the prospective new dom!Posted 02-14-2019 at 04:33 AM by Blue Fox
-
I'm sure he appreciates it. Especially since you don't like tea.
And you're not alone, the unknown makes me anxious too. Dealing with it involves thinking positive thoughts, and overriding the negatives. Way easier said than done. And generally try not to dwell on it. Granted, I'm not always successful at it but, do try to.
And Cstelle, there is nothing wrong with her. I hate tea. It is very normal to not like tea.Posted 02-14-2019 at 07:30 AM by LitDarkness
-
Thank you. For me I find that coloring and watching Friends helps, also really hot showers. But sometimes you just have to ride it out.Quote:Originally Posted by Faithfullyyours
I can identify with all of this. I manage my anxiety with music and movement. It also helped when my partner could hold my hand literally or metaphorically. Butterflies are good. Luck to you! May whatever is for the best happen.
Posted 02-14-2019 at 10:39 PM by Butterfly
-
Tea is just utterfly nasty!!! And it was encouraging in a round about way, thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by Cstelle
You... you don't like tea? What's wrong with you!?
Another fellow sufferer of unknown-anxiety reporting. I think I can say without exaggeration that my life has been characterised by a constant battle against that anxiety. Because overcoming it simply means that the anxiety goes away - there is no feeling of triumph - it feels as if I had spent my life in a losing battle. It's not true, of course, but that's how it feels.
I never found a single method, cure, solution - each battle has to be fought from beginning to end.
A small mercy: as you get older the anxiety begins to lose its power. It is still there, but you don't care that much.
Bugger! I honestly meant to write something encouraging!!Posted 02-14-2019 at 10:39 PM by Butterfly
-
I have a special somebody helping me with making sure that I take time for myself, it really has made a difference even with just a few short days. It will be interesting to see the longer term affects.Quote:Originally Posted by dominantbritmale
Anxiety is the worst. And it is especially painful when you have a lot to deal with. This is where you need to take time for yourself, remember you can't solve all the world's problems. Pick up a book, lose yourself for a while. The healing and recharging powers of such a simple act can be extraordinary.
Posted 02-14-2019 at 10:40 PM by Butterfly
-
Thank you! I have high hopes.Quote:Originally Posted by Blue Fox
I don't suffer anxiety often, but when I do I don't have a good method of dealing. I pace a lot. Try to sit still but find I keep getting rushes of energy.
I hope that things go well with the prospective new dom!
My counselor said when you have anxiety you sometimes have adrenaline rushing in your body and you need an outlet. So something like screaming, pacing, running, throwing something can be helpful. Maybe you can try that next time?Posted 02-14-2019 at 10:41 PM by Butterfly
-
Thank you for agreeing with me on the tea thing!Quote:Originally Posted by LitDarkness
I'm sure he appreciates it. Especially since you don't like tea.
And you're not alone, the unknown makes me anxious too. Dealing with it involves thinking positive thoughts, and overriding the negatives. Way easier said than done. And generally try not to dwell on it. Granted, I'm not always successful at it but, do try to.
And Cstelle, there is nothing wrong with her. I hate tea. It is very normal to not like tea.
I agree with the positive thinking, but like you said SO MUCH EASIER said than done. I have been trying my best as well.
Thanks again!Posted 02-14-2019 at 10:42 PM by Butterfly
-
(I think you are rotters! How can you speak ill of tea, that goddess of beverages, angel of drinkables, butterfly of brews, litdarkness of liquids, heartbreaker of heavenly infusions? And by tea I naturally mean real tea, black tea, the only thing that counts as tea. You may flavour it LIGHTLY with bergamot oil or smoke dry it, but mixing in flowers and berries and whatnot is a crime against humanity. Real tea is naturally drunk strong, sweet, with milk, and from a grubby mug you refer to as "my favourite" although you have no memory of when it became your favourite mug - or even where or when you got it. But you often think that some day you should really try to give it a good rinse.)
Uh, more roundabout encouragement?Posted 02-15-2019 at 01:25 AM by Cstelle
-
Wait... I know the correct expression for this... so you think tea is "utter filth" in the best possible way. Yes?Quote:Originally Posted by Cstelle
(I think you are rotters! How can you speak ill of tea, that goddess of beverages, angel of drinkables, butterfly of brews, litdarkness of liquids, heartbreaker of heavenly infusions? And by tea I naturally mean real tea, black tea, the only thing that counts as tea. You may flavour it LIGHTLY with bergamot oil or smoke dry it, but mixing in flowers and berries and whatnot is a crime against humanity. Real tea is naturally drunk strong, sweet, with milk, and from a grubby mug you refer to as "my favourite" although you have no memory of when it became your favourite mug - or even where or when you got it. But you often think that some day you should really try to give it a good rinse.)
Uh, more roundabout encouragement?Posted 02-15-2019 at 02:27 AM by Faithfullyyours
Updated 02-15-2019 at 02:43 AM by Faithfullyyours -
Oh you grumble mumble yous!
*goes to brew a fresh pot of that faithfullyyours of imbibables, that paragon of potables*Posted 02-15-2019 at 03:28 AM by Cstelle
Updated 02-15-2019 at 03:31 AM by Cstelle (A keen sense of humour) -
Tea is utter filth and you just explained why. Flavorless crap. Granted, no flavor helps. It is just naturally a bad drink.Quote:Originally Posted by Cstelle
(I think you are rotters! How can you speak ill of tea, that goddess of beverages, angel of drinkables, butterfly of brews, litdarkness of liquids, heartbreaker of heavenly infusions? And by tea I naturally mean real tea, black tea, the only thing that counts as tea. You may flavour it LIGHTLY with bergamot oil or smoke dry it, but mixing in flowers and berries and whatnot is a crime against humanity. Real tea is naturally drunk strong, sweet, with milk, and from a grubby mug you refer to as "my favourite" although you have no memory of when it became your favourite mug - or even where or when you got it. But you often think that some day you should really try to give it a good rinse.)
Uh, more roundabout encouragement?Posted 02-15-2019 at 04:24 AM by LitDarkness
-
Cackles... yall are awesome. ♡ Cstelle would not approve of my tea... I am currently drinking lavender, hibiscus, and dandelion tea sweetened with honey. Though I DO in fact have a favorite mug, it is **spotless**. It was the one and only Valentine's gift I got from my exhusband and it was a big deal because he bought it despite the Starbucks logo. Shuts up about tea and filth because we are soooo off Buttetfly's topic. WHOOPS!! Sorry Butterfly.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 04:29 AM by Faithfullyyours
-
Personally, I like tea straight. Nothing added to it. No sweeteners. No milk. No honey. Just pure, strong tea. Doesn't matter if it is brewed hot or if it is sun tea. Tasty either way.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 05:07 AM by Blue Fox
-
I do do the pacing... but that seems to bother other people...Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Thank you! I have high hopes.
My counselor said when you have anxiety you sometimes have adrenaline rushing in your body and you need an outlet. So something like screaming, pacing, running, throwing something can be helpful. Maybe you can try that next time?Posted 02-15-2019 at 05:07 AM by Blue Fox
-
Correction: Tea IS utter filth in the WORST way possible.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 09:32 AM by Butterfly
-
It doesn't matter what others think in that time, just do you and what you need to help make yourself feel better.Quote:Originally Posted by Blue Fox
I do do the pacing... but that seems to bother other people...
Posted 02-15-2019 at 09:33 AM by Butterfly
-
Slightly off focus, but perhaps still relevant:
I got hooked on cycling because something bad happened, and I was feeling incredibly bad & the bad feeling just wouldn't go away - got worse, perhaps. (We're talking some kind of acute anxiety thing...)
Just in order to do something (pacing/walking didn't help, crying didn't help - and I've never found help in screaming or killing pillows) I went cycling. As in: started in the morning and cycled until I couldn't cycle any more.
Ten years later I'm still cycling - but much less, and (trust me
in an entirely different mood! - and while everything (except tea) is shit - I feel I have a life! - and I have many, many good days! - and, most of all: I'm still here.
Did it help? I guess it did.
Which proves that tea, that Joy of Generations, is the solution to everything. Except america and the country formerly known as britain. They are doomed. [See how they've already lost their capital letters? So sad.]Posted 02-15-2019 at 10:15 AM by Cstelle
-
I'm glad cycling helped but still tea: YUCK!! It is the end all of everything, not the solution.Quote:Originally Posted by Cstelle
Slightly off focus, but perhaps still relevant:
I got hooked on cycling because something bad happened, and I was feeling incredibly bad & the bad feeling just wouldn't go away - got worse, perhaps. (We're talking some kind of acute anxiety thing...)
Just in order to do something (pacing/walking didn't help, crying didn't help - and I've never found help in screaming or killing pillows) I went cycling. As in: started in the morning and cycled until I couldn't cycle any more.
Ten years later I'm still cycling - but much less, and (trust me in an entirely different mood! - and while everything (except tea) is shit - I feel I have a life! - and I have many, many good days! - and, most of all: I'm still here.
Did it help? I guess it did.
Which proves that tea, that Joy of Generations, is the solution to everything. Except america and the country formerly known as britain. They are doomed. [See how they've already lost their capital letters? So sad.]Posted 02-15-2019 at 11:48 AM by LitDarkness
-
This is the advice of the century right here!Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
It doesn't matter what others think in that time, just do you and what you need to help make yourself feel better.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 11:48 AM by LitDarkness
-
Tea is a solution, tea is the solution. Tea is the real thing. Tea stands for truth. Tea is where it's at. Tea is the alpha and omega of "twat". (And "trout", but that doesn't quite sound as meaningful.)Quote:Originally Posted by LitDarkness
I'm glad cycling helped but still tea: YUCK!! It is the end all of everything, not the solution.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 12:25 PM by Cstelle
