A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Being Vulnerable
Posted 02-20-2019 at 03:12 PM by Butterfly
I am a very open person. I talk about my relationships: the good, bad and ugly. I go into details about play sessions, the hot, sexy details as well as the less glamorous side. I openly talk about my feelings, my fears, my abuses, my traumas.
So you might be surprised when I say that I have a hard time being vulnerable. But I do.
I have been hurt so many times, and so while I am open and honest, I don't people see the truly vulnerable side of me. I protect that part of myself.
I have a few different ways to "armor" myself. One of the most common ones seen on getDare is my brattiness. About 50% of my bratting is done because it is fun, and I like causing trouble and making people giggle. I also greatly amuse myself. However, the other half of my bratting is because it hides my vulnerable side.
If I am bantering, being "mean" and making jokes, people aren't able to hurt me. They aren't able to see my weaknesses, or take stabs at me. I am not going to "fall" or get attached to somebody, so they can't leave, neglect, abuse or abandon me.
When somebody gives me a gift, or says something nice to me, they are likely to be told to "fuck off" or "I hate you" but those are just my way of holding off emotion, not letting people see my vulnerability and how much affect they are having on me.
But when it comes to submitting, I need to let myself be vulnerable. If I don't I can't fully submit. It takes so much trust, love, kindness, support for me to open that side of myself to somebody.
When I submit fully, I am showing somebody a very tender, easily bruised/wounded side of me.
It takes a very special person to peel back the layers of my brattiness, my outer armor, and to see the softer, sweeter, submissive side of me. It takes and patience to get there, but I hope that for those who get to see it, it is worth every moment of being called Captain Doo Doo head or being paraded around in a pink tutu.
For those people who aren't with me behind closed doors, they may see these acts of brattiness and make comments such as "Who really is the Dom in the relationship" ... but behind closed doors, there is a whole other side of me. It is just special and not shared with many people.
This doesn't mean I am not still a bratty little butterfly to those people, or behind closed doors. On the contrary, I can be even more bratty or mean, but it is traded off with the super sweet and subby side of me. The part of me that can easily melt and be molded in their dommy hands.
I hope that the person who gets my submission can see it for the precious and fragile gift that it is, and hold it and keep it safe.
So you might be surprised when I say that I have a hard time being vulnerable. But I do.
I have been hurt so many times, and so while I am open and honest, I don't people see the truly vulnerable side of me. I protect that part of myself.
I have a few different ways to "armor" myself. One of the most common ones seen on getDare is my brattiness. About 50% of my bratting is done because it is fun, and I like causing trouble and making people giggle. I also greatly amuse myself. However, the other half of my bratting is because it hides my vulnerable side.
If I am bantering, being "mean" and making jokes, people aren't able to hurt me. They aren't able to see my weaknesses, or take stabs at me. I am not going to "fall" or get attached to somebody, so they can't leave, neglect, abuse or abandon me.
When somebody gives me a gift, or says something nice to me, they are likely to be told to "fuck off" or "I hate you" but those are just my way of holding off emotion, not letting people see my vulnerability and how much affect they are having on me.
But when it comes to submitting, I need to let myself be vulnerable. If I don't I can't fully submit. It takes so much trust, love, kindness, support for me to open that side of myself to somebody.
When I submit fully, I am showing somebody a very tender, easily bruised/wounded side of me.
It takes a very special person to peel back the layers of my brattiness, my outer armor, and to see the softer, sweeter, submissive side of me. It takes and patience to get there, but I hope that for those who get to see it, it is worth every moment of being called Captain Doo Doo head or being paraded around in a pink tutu.
For those people who aren't with me behind closed doors, they may see these acts of brattiness and make comments such as "Who really is the Dom in the relationship" ... but behind closed doors, there is a whole other side of me. It is just special and not shared with many people.
This doesn't mean I am not still a bratty little butterfly to those people, or behind closed doors. On the contrary, I can be even more bratty or mean, but it is traded off with the super sweet and subby side of me. The part of me that can easily melt and be molded in their dommy hands.
I hope that the person who gets my submission can see it for the precious and fragile gift that it is, and hold it and keep it safe.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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I use to be extremely bratty and it was for a similar reason, I wanted to be submissive but at the same time I didn't want people to see me being submissive, I finally realized that putting away my bratty and just being submissive is what made me feel whole.
Being vulnerable is so hard yet so rewardingPosted 02-20-2019 at 04:39 PM by Heart 
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There are times when Life hurts, truly, deeply, painfully hurts. We build up defences, coping mechanisms and barriers to protect ourselves from getting too hurt.
It is hard to be so vulnerable with another person, opening yourself up to the potential of that hurt but it is with great courage and strength that we do so. Those that are worthy, truly worthy, of your vulnerability will see through the brattiness to what exists beyond.
And what lays beneath be buried treasure!! (or an even bigger monster)Posted 02-20-2019 at 07:08 PM by Tease
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I do understand and identify with this. My middle is my moat. My slave is underneath that. It isn't a foreign concept at all. It does take extreme measures to row past the most and the dragons and the manic depressive robot and the Gatekeeper
but yes... it is usually worth it for those willing to put in the effort. No pain no gain, on all sides. There was a fantastic post I once saw that said tye beauty of submission is knowing the person had the absolute ability to destroy you and trusting that they wont. For me, trust is a thing of the past. Put your money where your mouth is... prove it.
I'm sure you are worth pink tutus.Posted 02-21-2019 at 06:30 AM by Faithfullyyours
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I agree that it can be soooo rewarding.Quote:Originally Posted by IHeartFun
I use to be extremely bratty and it was for a similar reason, I wanted to be submissive but at the same time I didn't want people to see me being submissive, I finally realized that putting away my bratty and just being submissive is what made me feel whole.
Being vulnerable is so hard yet so rewarding
I am not ready to give up my brattiness, it just brings me too much joy, but giving in and submitting fully to somebody feels so amazing!Posted 03-06-2019 at 03:34 PM by Butterfly
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Let's call it an even bigger monster, it sounds scarier :PQuote:Originally Posted by Tease
There are times when Life hurts, truly, deeply, painfully hurts. We build up defences, coping mechanisms and barriers to protect ourselves from getting too hurt.
It is hard to be so vulnerable with another person, opening yourself up to the potential of that hurt but it is with great courage and strength that we do so. Those that are worthy, truly worthy, of your vulnerability will see through the brattiness to what exists beyond.
And what lays beneath be buried treasure!! (or an even bigger monster)
I agree, those who are worthy will get to see a part of me that not many get the privilege to see. My submission is a gift to those people. And I like to believe that it is worth waiting and working for.Posted 03-06-2019 at 03:35 PM by Butterfly
