My submissive side

Well...I should be packing right now, or even sleeping for that matter, as I fly back to Warsaw tomorrow...but having written my Dominant posting I felt it only right to write this one too and keep the two sides of the coin together

So I talk a lot about being more submissive when younger...but why was this?

Well, looking back I always knew I was different to other children at an early age...I never quite fit in, had different interests, treated the world in a different way and preferred my own company.

Though never officially diagnosed, I now strongly believe I had autistic tendencies in those earlier days, perhaps even now...but I feel I grew out of most...
I was more artistic and creative when young, which helped me live in my own world, they provided an escape for me, things like drawing and writing in particular.
I was also much happier in the company of adults rather than other children.

My experiences at school were not the kindest, in first school I had a group of 'friends' but they would often insult me, steal from me and sometimes but not often hit me, I'd say the damage was more psychological than physical in truth though and I was never bruised or hurt in any severe way.
Middle school was a little better, I made the odd good friend, but faced many of the same problems, one game people played was hitting me in the arm, marvelling at how I didn't react to it.
I very rarely defended myself and just tried to let things be and move past it.

High school was again more psychological, and the worst part is discovering girls for me...as I was often quiet, lived in my own world to an extent and not 'cool' whenever I let it known that I liked a girl I would be treated with contempt, effectively sent away and often quite vocally told they weren't interested, not all girls were like this, but some were particularly harsh in the way they reacted to me...
Naturally this pretty much destroyed any confidence I had in myself and made me feel something was wrong with me, and would lead me to being very shy with women for a number of years until I was able to build that confidence back up...

That is a brief summary of the things that led to me feeling powerless and what I believe contributed to my submissive tendencies...

But how did this manifest in kink?

Well when you have low self esteem, it has certain effects:

I would feel a strong need to prove myself, taking challenges, showing I was strong and not afraid.
I would feel a strong desire to please and make the other person happy.
I wanted to give a lot of pleasure to partners, Oral sex for example, one of my first sexual encounters I made the girl cum with my tongue alone which I was proud of.
I liked to buy gifts, pay for meals and such...but that could be interpreted in other ways

I enjoyed getting creative challenges
Enjoyed being forced to take some pain
Liked writing assignments (not lines necessarily)
I would like simple rules to follow.

I liked to be tormented and teased

I would like mild humiliation, picture forfeits and mess for example and to have it rubbed in when I had lost.

There are quite a number of examples, but a good summary of how my submissive side liked to play.

I definitely feel my submissive side, though less prevalent, is definitely still a part of me, which why I have a preference for switching over pure Domination sometimes.

Also, for me being Dominant I find it requires more work, you need to be more creative and pay more attention to how you speak, but then never having really been a full sub to anyone, most likely I was never really tested.

That is my sub summary and I hope you found it interesting