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Doubts

Posted 08-30-2018 at 04:17 PM by Bloxo

I'm sure this won't be a popular post but I am feeling a little down at the moment and thought about getting some thoughts out of my head...

Why I am losing the will to keep up with this site:

The premise of GetDare is of course great, freedom, challenges, interacting with like minded individuals...but I think the reality always falls a bit short of the expectation...

So much of what is done here is more a mental exercise than anything real, of yes I'm sure a lot of real stuff happens...but how do you ever know? All you have is trust to rely on...and that is wearing thin with me...

When you set a dare/forfeit...do people actually do it? Who can tell? Yes there are sometimes reports...but they could be faked easily with the right imagination, a lot of the time I feel I make too much effort here for little or no benefit...many times I feel people have said they've done something when they haven't...and it's disheartening...

Who are you really talking to? Again, without any confirmative proof, like a video or a pic holding a sign...how do you really know?
Yes, you can get an inkling that some people are genuine...but that's all it us really a feeling, even when people do share pics...is it really them? Getting pics off the internet, or even using pics of someone else you know would be easy enough...
The number of people you see being banned for lying about their gender is just sad, and people I've talked to for a long time I even wonder about now...
There are a lot of sad and twisted people in this world and sadly the internet is the perfect playground for such monsters...

People are good at taking but not giving...the number of pathetic people who just beg for dares all the time, don't even provide a report on what they've done...don't engage in any meaningful conversation, send half-hearted messages, sometimes don't even seem to have a proper intellect, again it's disconcerting...I often feel used on this site, I love to use my imagination, create fun events...but ultimately no one thanks you for it, shows any appreciation...greed is in abundance here...all people want is something for themselves and not very many people give anything back, again...sad really

Why do people only want to focus on their kinks here? I can't think of the last time I had a meaningful conversation with anyone...I'm sure there has been the odd spell, but ultimately I don't really feel like I'm getting to know a person properly, it would be nice to make a friend who can actually freely talk about themselves and make an effort to get to know me as well, but the art of conversation seems to be lacking...perhaps it boils down to shame in oneself, why share who you really are if you just come here for kicks? It doesn't matter that you may be talking to someone on the other side of the world...why let your barriers down and actually talk like a real person?

All in all, it boils down to a lack in trust on my part, humanity sickens me at times and I really don't know why I bother to make an effort to find someone meaningful, I thought joining here I could make some wonderful experiences, meet interesting people and whenever I do get a glimpse of someone fun who I have a good time with...they disappear, I feel like Sisyphus...eternally pushing that rock up a hill only to see it roll down again, ultimately this site can be rather soul destroying...and there's enough of that in real life...

Why do I stay here if I am so negative like this?
I wonder myself, is it boredom?, is it loneliness? Or do I still have some hope in making a meaningful connection?
I cling onto the latter...but even that is fading...

I long for the day when I find a partner who I can share a fun and kinky lifestyle with and can turn my back on the online cesspit of which I have become embroiled...but for now, I will continue to persevere and hope that I find a good...but kinky soul here, though that hope is becoming pointless in my heart at this point..
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I completely understand your frustrations and can also understand why you want to give up.

    I personally have made so many meaningful relationships here. Most of the time I meet those people in the chat room and we then take our conversations more private. Yes there are still people who come in and beg for dares and then disappear, but there are also real, genuine people who are also looking to meet new people. And it isn't always about kink.

    People disappear often and it fucking sucks! People lie and deceive and it fucking sucks! But I have to say, meeting that genuine person, making a real connection it freaking rocks! It really is worth it.

    If you ever want to chat, please feel free to reach out because I love to meet new people.
    Posted 08-30-2018 at 06:19 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    This is a good and well written blog. Especially considering you're not a native speaker, right?

    I have seen you and your posts around and I noticed you are pretty serious. Like you said yourself, I can never be sure you are who you say you are but my gut feeling tells me you are okay and you would be someone I would give a dare to or talk to, because I am pretty sure you would respond.

    Because that's how it works around here if you want to have a good time: you should look very critically at somebody's posts and follow your gut feeling. While it's the internet, your gut is still a pretty good indicator to spot something fishy.

    Because yes, I relate a lot to what you said. I think the vast majority of users on this site are, to put it bluntly, just full of shit. That's why I hardly give dares anymore: it's just not worth the effort.

    But... like Miss Butterfly said, there are also a lot of great and serious people on here who are worth getting to know. And if you get lucky like me and meet someone to do D/s play directly with, it's the best because then you end up just using this site to follow other peoples experiences and learn and ask for help sometimes: not just use it as a place for getting dares.
    Posted 08-30-2018 at 08:46 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Joan Sky's Avatar
    "Why I am losing the will to keep up with this site:

    The premise of GetDare is of course great, freedom, challenges, interacting with like minded individuals...but I think the reality always falls a bit short of the expectation...

    So much of what is done here is more a mental exercise than anything real, of yes I'm sure a lot of real stuff happens...but how do you ever know? All you have is trust to rely on...and that is wearing thin with me...

    When you set a dare/forfeit...do people actually do it? Who can tell? Yes there are sometimes reports...but they could be faked easily with the right imagination, a lot of the time I feel I make too much effort here for little or no benefit...many times I feel people have said they've done something when they haven't...and it's disheartening...

    Who are you really talking to? Again, without any confirmative proof, like a video or a pic holding a sign...how do you really know?
    Yes, you can get an inkling that some people are genuine...but that's all it us really a feeling, even when people do share pics...is it really them? Getting pics off the internet, or even using pics of someone else you know would be easy enough..."


    That's true. But if someone is willing to provide pics, you can ask if they are willing to be able to verify at random times of your choosing and asking them to write something down on a sheet of paper with themselves holding it or pose in the photo a certain way to verify. Nothing too ridiculous. Normal photo. And for you to do the same. Explain you have been burned in the past. Maybe they will understand and accept that. Don't overdo it though.

    You have to realize it is in most people's limits here. There are good and bad people everywhere. Some people are really shy and uncomfortable with it, other's might be insecure, and other's just want privacy and safety. They don't want the risk of meeting a bad person, or just don't want pictures because it's easier for them or simply their preference.

    And maybe some want people to get know them for themselves than for something that may appeal to others superficially at first. Maybe they don't want to be initially approached and wanted to be known better because of their looks first. Everyone ages. Looks fade. What is within always shines.

    Friendships and relationships don't require photos if it is in someone's limits. Don't force it. Respect their limits upfront, and stay or walk away. Listen to your heart.

    I know it's hard. I've been there. I've been lied to and tricked before a few times. But I learned from it and I'm fine. I'm still wonderful.

    There are few people, perhaps like you and me, who are willing to provide proof. Verbal, Picture, Video, Skype, in person, etc. It takes a lot of trust though, and few get that privilege. Not just anyone. I haven't met anyone in person here yet, not even friends.

    It may or may not happen in the future. We have to respect others limits when we enter any friendship or relationships. Sometimes it's a soft limit. It's a hard limit for many though.

    Do you really need photo proof from a friend if they spend a lot of time with you, care about you, and are there for you when you need it? You have to remember they may be going through hectic and hard stuff in real life too, and emergencies short or long term do happen. Yes, I know people like you and me still find the time, but everyone is not like us, or stories like this wouldn't be commonplace.

    You don't have to enter any relationships, especially more intimate ones, if you don't agree with the limits. If you don't resonate with it, you don't have to tango.

    You may find someone that you feel is important to you, and who may be compatible to what you are looking for and vice versa. New people enter our life at any time at any point.


    "The number of people you see being banned for lying about their gender is just sad, and people I've talked to for a long time I even wonder about now...
    There are a lot of sad and twisted people in this world and sadly the internet is the perfect playground for such monsters..."

    That's more true online, but it's true in the real world too.

    "People are good at taking but not giving...the number of pathetic people who just beg for dares all the time, don't even provide a report on what they've done...don't engage in any meaningful conversation, send half-hearted messages, sometimes don't even seem to have a proper intellect, again it's disconcerting...I often feel used on this site, I love to use my imagination, create fun events...but ultimately no one thanks you for it, shows any appreciation...greed is in abundance here...all people want is something for themselves and not very many people give anything back, again...sad really"

    It is sad. People who are highly selfless than self serving are rare. We're a rare breed. I don't have experience in dares, but my advice would be to seek out the ones you see post thoughtful dares themselves and reliably post good reports regularly. Keep your good ideas and tasks archived until you find someone worthy to share it with, one who will truly appreciate it and put in the effort it deserves. And you will appreciate them too. Meanwhile you can continue to be inspired by others, and/or just share your yourself in other ways.

    "Why do people only want to focus on their kinks here? I can't think of the last time I had a meaningful conversation with anyone...I'm sure there has been the odd spell, but ultimately I don't really feel like I'm getting to know a person properly, it would be nice to make a friend who can actually freely talk about themselves and make an effort to get to know me as well, but the art of conversation seems to be lacking...perhaps it boils down to shame in oneself, why share who you really are if you just come here for kicks? It doesn't matter that you may be talking to someone on the other side of the world...why let your barriers down and actually talk like a real person?"

    It's different for everyone, and we have to respect that. Some people want deeper friendships and relationships, some just want to get their fix, some both, etc. The reasons are endless. The ones who want something deeper and long lasting are in the minority. It's kind of like real life, amplified. We don't have to like the state of it the world we live in, but we have to respect people's choices and limits.

    "All in all, it boils down to a lack in trust on my part, humanity sickens me at times and I really don't know why I bother to make an effort to find someone meaningful, I thought joining here I could make some wonderful experiences, meet interesting people and whenever I do get a glimpse of someone fun who I have a good time with...they disappear, I feel like Sisyphus...eternally pushing that rock up a hill only to see it roll down again, ultimately this site can be rather soul destroying...and there's enough of that in real life..."

    That's true. Change happens even in real life and virtually. Change is constant. No change is abnormal. We all evolve. We all have lives. Good and bad happens to all of us. Hopefully your disappeared friends are okay. Find something that keeps you centered no matter what. Your rock within yourself. Anything can happen without, but within you is the eye of the storm that brings you peace. Your constance. Your reliance. Your great soul. And deep knowing. Your truth. You. The true you and your beautiful pure heart in it's untainted essence. No one can take away your dignity no matter what if you don't allow it. It is your choice. You decide.

    Keep being a great example and role model even if you are seemingly alone. Be a beautiful star. We are spread out where we are needed. We feel alone, but we're exactly where we need to be. Be brave even in solitude. I still feel low sometimes too. But I observe and inspect it, embrace it shortly, and let it pass through me. It is not of me. I am more than that. Truly. It is a product of our physicality
    .

    "Why do I stay here if I am so negative like this?
    I wonder myself, is it boredom?, is it loneliness? Or do I still have some hope in making a meaningful connection?
    I cling onto the latter...but even that is fading..."


    We all have our valleys. They will make you stronger. However long they may be. I know it's disheartening to hear, but it's true.

    Even positive people can get bored sometimes, or lonely. Anyone can. I long for meaningful connections too.


    "I long for the day when I find a partner who I can share a fun and kinky lifestyle with and can turn my back on the online cesspit of which I have become embroiled...but for now, I will continue to persevere and hope that I find a good...but kinky soul here, though that hope is becoming pointless in my heart at this point.."

    I hope you find that person. I really do. Life isn't easy. Life is a choice. It always has been. Life may not be easy, but it's still beautiful.

    Make life your heaven. Create your happiness. Love and enjoy yourself too. Treat yourself well. I know it's hard for us who think of others more than ourselves, but try. Everything is all right. You will be all right. You are where you need to be. You are growing. You are honest. You are you. Let others be themselves.

    Don't become jaded and ugly and become more like the people you are talking about. Don't transform into something you won't be happy with. Be beautiful and compassionate.

    Take care bloxo.

    Stay beautifully true to yourself and others.


    Posted 08-30-2018 at 09:34 PM by Joan Sky Joan Sky is offline
    Updated 08-30-2018 at 11:37 PM by Joan Sky
  4. Old Comment
    Ly Ph's Avatar
    When considering a task and whether or not a person has done it really the correct amount of proof is the amount that makes you enjoy giving the task. If its simple and you just enjoy the mental image, great nothing more is require. When reading a report if you believe it is true it really doesn't matter if its true or not ether way you got "paid" (for want of a better term) back for giving the report.

    Another thing to consider is why would they make up report for a task. They wanted a task, they agreed to it and then decided not to do it but still to do the paper work? I suppose they could enjoy the mental image of the task given and just write up their feelings on the matter but again I go back to my first point.

    When people lie about their gender as a sub I actually feel a little sad for them (though more so for people they tricked). I imagine a lot of these people are getting so little interest in them selves due to a heavily one sided gender divide they put female down to get more attention. The only thing is its never going to work in finding a good D/s relationship. Lies always come out. Things get a bit grey with transgender people as we really are of a different gender than our birth sex (i use the term gender=mind sex=body) and just want to be that gender. If passing is the goal in real life then online maybe they don't want to wear a label that says anything other than that gender.
    Posted 08-31-2018 at 12:03 AM by Ly Ph Ly Ph is offline
  5. Old Comment
    sir sam's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ly Ph View Comment
    When considering a task and whether or not a person has done it really the correct amount of proof is the amount that makes you enjoy giving the task. If its simple and you just enjoy the mental image, great nothing more is require. When reading a report if you believe it is true it really doesn't matter if its true or not ether way you got "paid" (for want of a better term) back for giving the report.

    Another thing to consider is why would they make up report for a task. They wanted a task, they agreed to it and then decided not to do it but still to do the paper work? I suppose they could enjoy the mental image of the task given and just write up their feelings on the matter but again I go back to my first point.

    When people lie about their gender as a sub I actually feel a little sad for them (though more so for people they tricked). I imagine a lot of these people are getting so little interest in them selves due to a heavily one sided gender divide they put female down to get more attention. The only thing is its never going to work in finding a good D/s relationship. Lies always come out. Things get a bit grey with transgender people as we really are of a different gender than our birth sex (i use the term gender=mind sex=body) and just want to be that gender. If passing is the goal in real life then online maybe they don't want to wear a label that says anything other than that gender.
    There is a lot of truth in this comment!

    Anyway,..
    Sure there are serious people around here. And sure there are people who actually “do” tasks.
    These days I am only with my pet, before I have been active on threads as well.
    I personally always checked profile and history on people before reacting (at least before reacting with some effort). Sure there are people who never reply but such easy shows from history. Others are damn serious.

    The fact is, ..... anybody above 18 can join, you’ll need some filtering to find the right ones.

    Just a little tip,...
    Start contributing in the extremely silly threads in the lounge-games (like “you’re banned”, “last poster wins”,... others...). As these games have absolutely no purpose the people who post on them are normally really serious (strange but truth)
    Posted 08-31-2018 at 10:48 PM by sir sam sir sam is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Wow!
    Maybe I should have put notifications on to this thread...In truth I was worried about posting it...it amounts to a vent of frustration for my part...which is something though therapeutic...is not something I like to do publicly!

    I want to thank everyone for their well thought out responses, it gives me more confidence on here to know other people have gone through similar trials (though wouldn't it be nice if we hadn't haha)

    I'm going to try and lighten up a bit and focus more on the offline world, but I can't easily draw myself away from this site, there are so many interesting people and ideas here and I feel this place does present a wonderful place to grow and explore

    Thank you again, a lot of what has been written I have taken to heart and will still try to make an impact here!
    Posted 09-09-2018 at 04:51 AM by Bloxo Bloxo is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Joan Sky's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bloxo View Comment
    Wow!
    Maybe I should have put notifications on to this thread...In truth I was worried about posting it...it amounts to a vent of frustration for my part...which is something though therapeutic...is not something I like to do publicly!

    I want to thank everyone for their well thought out responses, it gives me more confidence on here to know other people have gone through similar trials (though wouldn't it be nice if we hadn't haha)

    I'm going to try and lighten up a bit and focus more on the offline world, but I can't easily draw myself away from this site, there are so many interesting people and ideas here and I feel this place does present a wonderful place to grow and explore

    Thank you again, a lot of what has been written I have taken to heart and will still try to make an impact here!
    I'm glad to hear that. Good balance. See you around the site. Take care
    Posted 09-09-2018 at 04:59 AM by Joan Sky Joan Sky is offline
 

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