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"Self"

Posted 03-09-2016 at 11:56 AM by Foxy Rose

"Self" it's a four letter word, but quite possibly the most important one ever. For how can you help others find themselves, if you can't find yourself. Life is a journey of self discovery and the LS is a road we walk on that journey. How has it helped you find yourself, and have you become more happy with the person you found yourself to be?




When I read this post on one of my favourite BDSM pages on Facebook the other day, it really hit me. Especially since I have been tinking more and more about this. I want to incorporate it with self love. Love of/for self. And I'm not talking about the Bart Baker - "Love Yourself" parody. No ladies and gentle whores.

The reason it stuck with me is that my feelings have been all over the place lately. I HATE this time of year, close to my birthday. Every year, come what may, it happens. My emotions are like a tornado. I am unsure what will trigger and what will be hit.

Then take into account past relationships. Which suck the most. I usually am the person who suffers the most. Hear what I am saying, usually but not always. Take for instance the guy I was engaged to a couple years back. Moved across country, heart set, but ding ding ding, find out he's been seeing multiple women behind my back, after the fact that he "breaks up with me" a week after the engagement and then starts "seeing" someone.

Without washing my laundry out in public which I hate, for anyone that cares, it sucks! Why do I always feel like the one getting the worst deal? It is the suckiest feeling. And that lasts months and months and months. Self doubt, self hate, self loathing. Slowly but surely, you meet someone and start opening up, give your heart away once more, after promises of not going to get hurt again this time around, from both parties, whooooooop, a couple months later, "sorry, not working out".

So, how do you open up once again, trust once again, even love once again? Without promises? Without being a dreamer and painting and building and hoping? By telling yourself you are not worth attention, not worth love from another person, not worth spending time with another person. By another person, that special someone, not friends, or family. *THAT* person!

So, here I shall sit, by myself, feeling sorry for myself that no one loves me, no one cares, no one sees a future for or with me. I dare you. Noooooooo, I double double dare you and no takesies back! Solution and result? Either I am sucky at relationships, or just unlovable




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  1. Old Comment
    drwarschauu's Avatar
    First of all: *hugs*
    Hope this stormy time will go away soon. Remember, this too shall pass!

    It's hard to find someone compatible out there! People are bound to let you down and it make you sad. You might find that perfect partner next time... or you might stumble and fall again. Why do we fall? In the words of the wisest butler in the world:


    You'll only get stronger from every experience. You'll know what you're not looking for, you'll see the signs. I'm sure it will happen for you, just give it time and keep learning and getting stronger!
    Posted 03-12-2016 at 01:40 PM by drwarschauu drwarschauu is offline
 

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