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Update: More personal learnings about gender

Posted 06-24-2019 at 02:22 AM by CSasha
Updated 06-24-2019 at 02:40 AM by CSasha

I have been to a (pen&paper) role-playing con, second biggest in Germany, and went to a panel concerning LTBG issues in the hobby. It expanded into culture and media.

Since I specifically how we should handle the numbers when representing minorities, the consent reply from the panel line was: overrepresent! The Human mind was slow to change and so overrepresentation was needed (i.e. not just showing 10% of relationships-sex scene with non-hetero-normative partners, but one third or 50%). In aftermath, I even remembered many practical effects why minorities are even more underrepresented in public in media than they actually are in numbers. You can start having issues if your peer group is under 30%! Part of being a member of one or more minorities is the outing aspect: Not every member might be conscious or confident about being a member, and not everyone of those is confident and courageous enough to "out" themselves as being that member. Even practically means you don't go around and tell the whole world and every single person you meet that your are ... (insert your minority membership here). Also, not everyone has the same awareness or opinion how much it needs to be shared or fought for equality. In the end, the level of discrimination is different from country to country, and even between regions or between village, town and city sizes.
So I think, yes, definitely. Many won't like it, but I think minorities really need that overrepresentation and special protection, just to work again the synergy of majority powers.

A twisted experience was being with a friend. When I saw the panel, I was remembered of certain experiences I made with LGBT workshops and panels. Most often the participants like me were very vulnerable, insecure, up to traumatised, and therefore easily offended. So now imagine these people in vast majority in a room, and someone just picking the wrong word or tone in regard of LBGT. I think it's nobody fault, but it reminded me: you may think you know what it's like if you are not gay, trans, diverse, non-hetero, not into rare fetisches or kinks disgusting for many like scat, but if you want to know, join such a crowd and start talking and argueing. I had joined because and with a very deer friend who is very open-minded but still not LBGT himself. He made that experience I feel I am having way too often. On one hand, I felt pity for him and jumped in to defend and resolve some tension in the room. On the other hand, I felt a bit of Schadenfreude, revenge, and even relief.

Talking about gender and sex, there's also plenty of discrimination regarding race, age, and many more like even professions. Just saying.

It can be a very unpleasant experience to be in minority. But I believe if most of the population had made that experience and reflected on it, we'd live in a much better world. Try walking in these shoes if you haven't yet!

Later I had a nice talk with my deer friend. I already wrote about that.

Then, last weekend, I had another discussion on the topic with my open-minded (pen&paper) roleplaying friends. About penis people.

Insight: yes, I have been hurt due to my minority memberships. I m inconfident, and therefore I am also easily offended by what I'd call Human nature. But:

I am still very upset about misconception in the mind of even the most open-minded people, especially if they are my friends. Bell curve was the word of the evening (when we talked about penis people). Because my issue with the new word was "penis owner" (thank you marissa353 for the word ) I like since it expresses very exactly what is meant by it. There's less likely a different definition between two people about what a penis owner is (unless we go into the detail of size, length, shape, function etc. but I try to not be too nit-picking ). It's NOT the same with the word "man"/"men"!

So now I heard this (again): yes, there are exceptions, but nevertheless people love to think a table has a plate and four legs, though they were more open to admit that this might not be the general case anymore (though I think it is, but it's not as relevant for people's identity). So now comes the bell curve:
Yes, there are extremes, but the average is way more likely. I agree! When we are talking about penis people feeling comfortable about their assigned gender, we talk about no more than 1%, often 0.001% of the population. But, please have a closer look at it! We tend to generalize, and that hurts plenty of individuals very very much, indicated in their multiplied suicide rates.
And yes, I am hurt because I am one of them (and another learning is, it needs people outside of the minority to advocate!).

Let's take men and women, their physical strength, and the bell curve. Men are physically stronger than women. They gain muscles more easily.
Now here is the thing: on average and on the extremes. Yes, I agree!
But now here is my problem: many people than think that applies to every single case of compaing one man with one woman. No!

Let's make a simple bell curve here.
Let's say every individual adds up the results of two most common dice (six sided dice with numbers 1 to 6). That comes with a result somewhere between from 2 to 12.
Now let's say every man doubles that result, so he has something between 4 and 24.

How likely is it that a randomly picked man is stronger than a randomly picked woman?

Feel free to correct my math, but I calculated 21/36 + 146/36^2, which is round 70%.
That means in 30% of the cases, if you guessed according the general assumption, then you are wrong very often. But let's assume I miscalculated, and it's only 1% of the times. Still, in practice, this means several cases I hate:

- telling people they can't execute their passion since their gender isn't made for it, i.e. female body-builders, which are even offended to be no women
- indicating people they are less, i.e. less of a man because you aren't strong
- joking about people breaking the general assumption, i.e. strong girls and women, weak men, raped men

I'd like that to stop! Stop generalizing. Become more aware of the real facts! People are different! Very very much! Yes, there are still statements about the averages. I agree. But we are most often making too much out of it concerning our thinking and behavior, in effect discriminating each other.

Thanks for reading so much. Just one final thing: you are most likely not the one who needs the change, at least not the most. The people we need are out there, wandering around as if nothing was wrong, relying on "natural fact" and flawed logic. So I beg you to take this awareness with you, and if you can, share your insights about these misconceptions.

Many many thanks
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