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Characteristic of my Perfect Dom

Posted 07-06-2017 at 11:43 AM by Butterfly

I am very picky when it comes to choosing a Dom. And it makes it even worse because I have been spoiled by having one of the best Doms in the world as my husband: Asslvr!

I posted an ad a few weeks ago looking for a part time/temporary Dom. To be honest, I don't even know what that means!

What I do know, is that I need somebody who is going to be caring. I want somebody who will say nice things when I am feeling sick, who will not run away when I cry, who will ask me how I am doing if I am quiet. Not only should they care about my physical well being, but they should care about my mental well being as well.

My Dom needs to be willing to be put second at times, or even third! D/s is important to me, but so is my job, my friends, my social life and most of all my Husband! Sometimes I am going to need a break from all rules and tasks for half a day, or a full day, or even a week! And that needs to be ok! At the same time, my Dom needs to make me a priority at least some of the time!

I need somebody who will be understanding. Whether that means they will be flexible with tasks when I have my period, or that they won't punish me for things that are out of my control. I need somebody who is going to listen to me: to my feelings, my fears, my thoughts, my circumstances, and take all of those into account when making decisions.

I need somebody who is really good at communication! Nobody is perfect, I certainly am not. But I work hard to communicate my feelings both in writing (blogs, reports etc.) and verbally. If I am not ready to communicate, or unable to communicate about a certain issue, I will communicate that! I put a lot of effort into communication, and I want somebody who is going to put equal effort in.

The person who I choose as a Dom needs to know that I have a personality. I am not just going to say "yes sir" or "no sir"! I am going to be bratty and call him silly names, I am going to say "No!", stomp my foot, and threaten to tie him up and tickle him. He will also need to have his own personality, I am not subbing to a robot, nor will I be a robot.

I need somebody who will take control! I know this sounds obvious because that is what a Dom does, but I am very stubborn and bratty and I can also be pretty adorable and charming. I need somebody who is not going to be immune to those things, but who won't let those things sway their decisions ALL the time (sometimes is encouraged :P).

The Dom who is right for me will have a sense of humor. They will have problems holding back their smile or laughter at times when I am especially clever and bratty! They will make me laugh and smile.

I need a Dom who is going to be evil. He needs to do evil and devilish things to me. He needs to think up creative and new ways to torture and tease me. He will want to make me suffer at times. At the same time, he will be fiercely protective! He will not stand for others hurting me.

My perfect Dom will reassure me. He will tell me that he proud of me, he will call me a sweet pet name, he will compliment me even when I forbid him to!

I need a Dom who will push me. He will not be deterred by my complaining, whining, or tears (I have a safeword for a reason!). He will push my boundaries a little bit, sometimes so slowly I don't even realize it. He will constantly be wanting me to do better than last time.

The Dom I choose will be able to speak and write in proper English. They may not be a native English speaker. They may make mistakes in spelling or say things a little different from me, but they will know how to use punctuation, capital letters, and put effort into their writing, because I do! Also ... they must comment on my blogs and other writing!

I need a Dom who is not afraid to be silly. He might sing a silly song to me even if his voice is awful, or he will glitterize his penis for my amusement. I am not looking for a domly-dom serious guy.

The Dom I choose will be supportive of the fact that I like to Domme once in a while. They will allow me to explore that freely with whoever I may choose, and they will not interfere (unless I ask).

I need a Dom who wants to talk to me, not just play and then leave. The Dom I am looking for wants to talk to me on the phone, just because it is nice to chat about how our day went. He wants to tell me about the fight he had with his mom, or about the secret he heard at work. My Dom needs to believe in aftercare, even if that just means being silent but present while I recover from a play session.

Lastly, my Dom needs to be able to make me feel subby. There are some people who just can't do that. My Dom needs to be able to make me safe, comfortable, blushy and vulnerable so that I can submit to him. If not, it will never work.

Of course, having similar likes and limits and interests are all important too, but I think all of these above qualities are even more important than those things!

So a note to all those Doms who wonder why I have said we are not a good match, it is probably because of one of the above!
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    RopeRigger's Avatar
    I recognize many things, especially the examples... Wherever could you have gotten them from..?
    Posted 07-07-2017 at 09:44 PM by RopeRigger RopeRigger is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by RopeRigger View Comment
    I recognize many things, especially the examples... Wherever could you have gotten them from..?
    I don't know what you are talking about ....
    Posted 07-07-2017 at 09:46 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Bree Logan's Avatar
    I feel the same way on nearly all of your points!! Are we long lost twins? I even got the OTH 'people always leave' reference in the other post. Or...was that random? In that case, ignore me *discreetly backs out of the room*
    Posted 07-14-2017 at 07:54 AM by Bree Logan Bree Logan is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bree Logan View Comment
    I feel the same way on nearly all of your points!! Are we long lost twins? I even got the OTH 'people always leave' reference in the other post. Or...was that random? In that case, ignore me *discreetly backs out of the room*
    It was 100% an OTH reference!
    Posted 07-14-2017 at 08:02 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    This is so well written Butterfly!
    And the good news is: that dom does exist. He only needs to find you. I'm sure he will soon!
    Posted 08-07-2017 at 11:46 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Bree Logan's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Butterfly View Comment
    It was 100% an OTH reference!
    Now comes the million dollar question. are you a Leyton or a Brucas fan
    Posted 08-08-2017 at 03:02 AM by Bree Logan Bree Logan is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bree Logan View Comment
    Now comes the million dollar question. are you a Leyton or a Brucas fan
    I went back and forth for years, but I think I really am a Leyton fan. They just fit together so well. Although Brooke was one of my all time favorite characters.
    Posted 08-08-2017 at 09:26 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jaroface View Comment
    This is so well written Butterfly!
    And the good news is: that dom does exist. He only needs to find you. I'm sure he will soon!
    Thank you my lovely worm <3
    Posted 08-08-2017 at 09:26 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Bree Logan's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Butterfly View Comment
    I went back and forth for years, but I think I really am a Leyton fan. They just fit together so well. Although Brooke was one of my all time favorite characters.
    Oooh, I'm a.....Haley and Nathan fan! hahaha.. but yes, I agree Leyton worked better together and left Brooke to have more fun with others lol
    Posted 08-08-2017 at 04:44 PM by Bree Logan Bree Logan is offline
  10. Old Comment
    pluky's Avatar
    I feel like you just described my Dom here for the most part (save for a few things), and that explains why I couldn't get over him and can't imagine replacing him as well as the fact other doms I've seen pale in comparison (pretty much the sentiment you started your entry with). I hope you find that right fit again, seeing as you posted an ad recently, but yeah it can be hard, there's a lot of doms but not everyone is a good fit and as you said, especially once you experienced the "best" (subjective, as in best fit for you).
    Posted 09-24-2022 at 06:54 PM by pluky pluky is offline
 

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