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My origin story

Posted 03-07-2021 at 06:06 PM by Butterfly

Today I was talking to a potential Dom and he asked me for my origin story. I was about to launch into the story of how I discovered kink (it was a CSI episode btw) but I stopped to reflect for a second and realized that he was asking something different.

When superheroes share their origin story, they talk about where they came from and how they discovered their powers.

So here is my origin story:

When I was 10, my mom gave birth to my second little brother. At the time my mom was working a full time job and going to school at night to better provide for our family. My dad was home with my brother all day long and when I got home from school it was his opinion that he was done for the day. So at the age of 10 I became a "parent".

You would think that would make me "in charge" but instead, it was the opposite. My decisions were constantly nitpicked and second guessed. I was blamed for everything that could and would go wrong. I watched my other brother (two years younger than me) be physically abused, and I myself was verbally abused constantly. I was berated for things that were out of my control - if I got an A on an assignment, I was told that I failed and should have got an A+. I was very much not in control of things in my life.

My coping mechanism was self harm. It was one thing that I could control.

One of the happiest days of my life was when my mom, little brother and I moved out of my dads house when I was 16. At that time I became an official co-parent. I was in charge. I traded in parents for best friend. My mom and I ran the house together. I didn't take orders, I gave them.

Since then, I have been in charge. I have had to make the decisions and live with the consequences. I have had to care for others. I am the "grown up" in my family. If somebody needs money, they come to me. If somebody needs advice, they come to me. If somebody needs emotional support, they come to me. I am the fixer, the helper, the parent.

My career choice is the same thing. I run an office. My job description is 4 pages long and then it pretty much says "and anything else required". In fact, the staff at my job actually refer to me as the "office superhero" - I have a water bottle and everything!

So in my day to day life I have this weight on my shoulders. The weight of myself, my family, my friends, my spouse, my co-workers, the world .... I am in charge. I am a perfectionist. I am always "on".

And then I realized that I was submissive (through a lot of research).

When I submit I am free. I am free from the burden of the world. I am free from the burden of myself. It is just me and my Dom. I trust him to care for me. I trust him to keep me safe. I give him myself, my submission, my best, and he does the rest.

I don't submit lightly. In fact, not a lot of people would suspect me of being submissive at all. I have been told I have "control issues" and I would happen to agree. I struggle to give up control. It takes a lot of trust for me to start to release that control, and it has been a very long time since I have truly been able to fully submit to somebody, but when I do, it is magical.

I am not sure if this is the story that the potential Dom was looking for, or if there was enough detail provided, but this is what sprang to mind as I reflected. I hope it provided at least a bit of insight and maybe it resonated with some of you as well. Either way, I would love to hear your origin story if you feel like sharing.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    This is a great origin story. Of course I knew much of it already. I get that giving up control isn't easy for you. But I can also understand how you really want to. Not having to worry about things. Let others do that for you. It requires a lot of trust but its so pleasant and rewarding.

    I have been called "dominant" (not in a kinky way) by people but yet I do find myself submissive. It's funny how this can work.
    Posted 03-08-2021 at 08:16 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  2. Old Comment
    bluedieblub's Avatar
    I was hoping that this would be a superhero story from the title, and I'm not disappointed. It's a dark origin, but a very bright hero came out of it!
    Posted 03-11-2021 at 01:38 AM by bluedieblub bluedieblub is offline
 

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