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Non-Sexual Dynamics and Scenes

Posted 11-30-2020 at 02:34 PM by MysticalMadness

I’m here today to write about a topic that many here seem to know little about or have little experience with, and I’m going to be using the wonderful world of the internet and Google fu to help me explain something because it’s something that bugs me.

For starters, let me explain the beginnings of this.

I have a Fetlife account. On my Fetlife, I have several “relationships” listed, but nothing written about the role those people play in my life.

From my perspective, it doesn’t matter. And the person that is right for me will accept the explanation I give them and work WITH them to make a smooth transition from where I currently am to where I want to go. My relationships are with caring people, people that I live with, and are also nonsexual platonic.

When most people take a look at my profile and see the relationship styles and dynamics I have listed, they automatically assume that I am having sex and that I am “involved” more deeply with those people than they would like. There is an assumption there that because I am involved with said people that I won’t more readily leave my current dynamics in search of MY dynamic because I have a fallback. (Also, OF COURSE I'm not going to completely leave my current dynamic; they will always be friends and a safe haven for me to come back to if I ever end up in an abusive place. A friendship is still a form of dynamic).

So, today, I want to talk about the concept and importance of NONSEXUAL relationships and scenes.

As a little, and even for subs that aren’t littles, it can be important to just have someone there to support you without sex involved at all. Even in “big” space, that person isn’t necessarily a sexual person in your life. What I’m talking about is a D-type that can remind you to take meds, eat, drink water, workout, get dressed for work, set an alarm, ask you to journal and any other combination of daily living that you might need assistance with. WITHOUT SEX.

Emily Anne wrote a wonderful article back in March that explains this concept, and I take no credit whatsoever for her work. She writes about things like sensation play and impact play. And while scening CAN be sexual, it doesn’t inherently HAVE to be. Take some examples that she wrote about. Click on the link below to explore more information


Quote:
Sex With Emily

Sensation Play
Often in BDSM, it is all about the “feels” both psychological and physical. Sensual play involves the use of, well, sensation or touch to stimulate the body and mind, sometimes in a non-sexual way. For example, the person doing the touch (the dom) will use things like feathers, straps, Wartenberg pinwheel, vampire glove, regular touch/massage, breath, or other devices or textures to elicit a pleasurable response from the bottom (person receiving the touch). Electrostimulation is another way a BDSM couple can engage in sensation play. Electrostim involves using devices that employ electric currents to deliver a slightly painful shock to the skin.

The enjoyment can come from the feeling of the sensations. These can be tickling, or ice, or dripping wax ,or even the simplest of caresses… Even draping someone’s long hair over your body or rope being run along your skin. Some people might like the sensation play to have an element of surprise by being blindfolded.

Impact Play

Some bottoms enjoy being spanked or hit or impacted purely for the pleasant feeling that arises. Some enjoy the psychological aspects of discipline and some enjoy pain.
All of these impact activities can occur in a non-sexual context. They can offer a cathartic release. The sub/bottom might even get into subspace (a floating high some people get when submitting in a BDSM scene).

Bondage

Non-sexual bondage play is another form of non-sexual BDSM that some people might overlook. For example, a rope bottom (or rope bunny) might simply like the feeling of being trapped or helpless (in a good way) or like the feeling of rope on their skin. The rope top might enjoy the artistry and skill required to tie up their bottom/bunny.
Emily Anne certainly isn’t the only educator out there with resources regarding Non-sexual dynamics. She IS the one that resonated the most with me in my brief and simple search for education.

For me (because I really can only speak for myself) impact scenes, sensation scenes, and bondage are cathartic and a major stress relief. I equate these things to going to get a professional massage from a masseuse, a mani/pedi, bubble bath, or a good gym workout. I look forward to melting the stress of finals or a bad work week away with a good scene.

So please, do some research and educate yourself. There are literally a million and one different ways dynamics can work. It’s the reason that you don’t see the EXACT same dynamics listed twice on people’s profiles on FetLife. Because no two s-types and no two D-types are going to have the exact same dynamic or relationship as the other.
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  1. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I agree with completely. A lot of kink for me is non-sexual and is a cathartic release. I think having somebody in your life to support you in that way is super useful.

    I also agree that just because you have that person in your life, it doesn't mean you won't take risks. In fact, I would imagine that it was easier for you take risks and jump in, knowing that if things fail, you will have somebody to help soften the landing.

    Nobody gets to dictate how you do your D/s. If somebody reads your profile and passes judgement, it is their loss. If they stick around and don't like your explanation, then they are just not the right person for you. Somebody more compatible will come along.

    As my favorite toddler friend has started to say "you do you, boo"!
    Posted 11-30-2020 at 11:36 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  2. Old Comment
    MysticalMadness's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Butterfly View Comment
    I agree with completely. A lot of kink for me is non-sexual and is a cathartic release. I think having somebody in your life to support you in that way is super useful.

    I also agree that just because you have that person in your life, it doesn't mean you won't take risks. In fact, I would imagine that it was easier for you take risks and jump in, knowing that if things fail, you will have somebody to help soften the landing.

    Nobody gets to dictate how you do your D/s. If somebody reads your profile and passes judgement, it is their loss. If they stick around and don't like your explanation, then they are just not the right person for you. Somebody more compatible will come along.

    As my favorite toddler friend has started to say "you do you, boo"!
    You're amazing, you know that?

    I've had several people ask about my relationship statuses to the point that I got fed up and started giving curt and short replies back.

    "Are you SURE you want a dynamic?"
    "Does your Daddy know you're looking?"
    "I'm confused because you have people listed as a Daddy and as sisters?"

    and so on and so forth.

    Even after explaining my nonsexual relationships with them to other people, they don't always believe me or end up feeling threatened in some way. (Again, multiple people, not just the one).

    Having these people in my life definitely makes the landing softer if something fails because I have an open communication support system (that I am literally still learning how to effectively utilize). I'm not really a risk taker though (Thank you Major Anxiety).

    You're toddler friend is amazing too!
    Posted 12-01-2020 at 08:17 AM by MysticalMadness MysticalMadness is offline
 

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