Go Back   getDare Truth or Dare > Blogs > Komodo Jones

Rate this Entry

D/s Withdrawal

Posted 03-05-2017 at 06:09 PM by Komodo Jones
Updated 03-06-2017 at 06:38 PM by Komodo Jones

This is another one of those free writes as this has just been on my mind a lot lately. It's a bit of a rant a bit of a pity party so if you're not into those enjoy your place somewhere else.

This kind of condition I've been having lately happened a few years ago. I had recently gotten out of a relationship as a sub to a couple as I had been driven to neglect that I just had to leave. After this, I feel into a deep depression that really had me questioning my self-worth. Of all the relationships where I had played a sub role I had either been abandoned and/or neglected, except for one. The way my mind works I knew I was not in fault, but I often found myself doubting myself and searching myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why did people not want me. I dealt with this depression a long time and struggled through it, and I kind of finally got over it. I guess this doesn't have to with the symptoms I'm dealing with right now but maybe it does. Like I said this is a free write, and I just go on without editing.

Earlier last year, my longest D/s relationship to date was ended, amicably. The person I broke up is one of the two D/s relationship contacts that I still speak with on a regular basis. I was a Dom at that time, and after being a Dom for a while I decided to go to a sub route. I had one promising offer but once again...neglect...in the trial period!

So I've been what I call a "free agent" (not owned, and not owning anyone) for about a year now, and probably at least once a month I suffer from D/s withdrawal. Granted I've been fighting an uphill battle because I'm only looking for females, mainly for a Domme. And also this Domme has to fit certain qualifications that seem to be rare. The main qualifications is a healthy balance between the rules and tasks I crave in being a sex toy but also the nurturing I need in a healthy friendship. These are not easy to come by. It's hard enough finding a Domme, let alone one with these qualities.

So every month when D/s withdrawal hits, my self-esteem just plummets as I beat myself up again. But rather than question myself as to what's wrong with me it's just me giving into the futility of this search that is never going to produce anything and wonder why I even bother. I am someone that thrives on companionship as I NEED it as some of my closer friends know. And while I do have some friends who I talk to on a regular basis about kink and D/s being owned by someone just goes into a deeper level that I crave. And just the frustration of my searching not producing anything even though I've been an active member of this community for eight years now. I'm also not one of those people who randomly message girls saying please be my Domme. I present myself respectfully and give a description of who I am and such when I explicitly know that this female who I'm interested in is looking for someone but still nothing.

Also not to make certain people feel bad but this self-esteem problem drives even deeper into my core when I see all these happy D/s items talking about how they're visiting each other, and how they're happy and all this other stuff and truth be told I do get jealous. Not because of the specific person but because I don't have the deep intimate type of D/s relationship that I yearn for.

Now I know that I am not the only person desperately looking for someone. But it seems like wherever I go there are people who are happy together. The masses seem to be people who are an item or can be happy or lead normal lives without companionship and I'm not that person. I may seem tough on the outside but I am a very emotional person. And furthermore even if I do find what seems like the right person, what's the chances that I'll be abandoned or neglected again as that seems to be the trend. But I still seem to have this hope that it's going to happen. And honestly I'm kind of getting sick of people saying "You'll find the right one" or "someone wonderful is going to snatch you up" because that's all been said in the past and after eight years I am kind of tired of waiting for that one special relationship. And like I said before I know I'm not the only "free agent" out there, but anyway. Just something to get off my chest I guess.

If you want to leave a comment feel free, but I will be moderating them and if you took the time to read this and not think any less of me because of it, thank you.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 1512 Comments 2
« Prev     Main     Next »
Total Comments 2

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I definetly don't feel any less of you. I did want to say a few things though:

    First of all, it is definetly not you. Even if the two of you weren't a great fit, abandonment is never ok. It is unfortunate that this has happened to you on numerous occasions but with online relationships it seems to be more the norm than it should be. You deserve better than that.

    I understand feeling jealous. Just like with "real life", you notice the thing you want the most. When I was yearning to get married, it seemed that everybody around me was either happily married, planning a wedding or getting engaged. And now the same thing is happening with babies. There are new babies everywhere. Everybody I know is pregnant! It makes it hard. But you can't let your jealousy rule your life.

    Lastly, I won't say that you will find somebody or you just have to be patient because I know that can be frustrating. But I will tell you that when you do find the right person, it makes this whole period of time worth it. I know sometimes it feels hopeless and pointless, but don't give up. Take your time and take breaks if you need to but I promise this is all worth it when it does happen.

    You have friends here. People who care. I care. You know you can always message me. It's usually easier to message on kik so we can have an actual conversation rather than the long detailed messages we are both used to writting. But I am here.
    Posted 03-05-2017 at 06:22 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  2. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    Pity partys help sometimes and sometimes they are needed. So I don't think it is a bad thing to have one at times.

    I echo what Butterfly said: it is not you. Not only is abandonment not okay, it is abuse. And not your fault in the slightest. And the people who did that quite frankly are selfish cunts.

    What I found helped me when I was single yet craving d/s was to complete tasks from a few friends who I could trust would stay in my limits and not expect anything further to develop. (Solely because a lot of the time, although I had instances where I missed it, I wasn't looking for something long term.) It helped me get a 'quick fix.' inbetween partners.

    Again echoing Butterfly: When it does happen it is worth all the frustration. As I told you previously your application I recieved was among the best, but not only that it was in my top three. And I recieved close to a hundred responses by the time they stopped hitting my inbox. If I had the time/energy for more relationships than I currently have I would have immediately been interested in a trial. So no, it isn't you. We haven't spoken much directly but from posts, applications, blog comments, etc my view is that you are a wonderful person. And I don't praise lightly.

    As this was posted just after AM and I blogged about our meet in person I am assuming it was referencing those blogs. I could be wrong, but if not: jealousy is normal too. It's part of being human. And whilst we blogged the actual meet what no one else saw was all the planning and work it took to make it happen. We had been discussing a meet for well over a year before we could actually make it happen.

    I agree it is annoying to have people say "oh the right person will come along at some point" so I'm not going to say that. What I will say is that for me personally it took almost ten years to find the right person and I had to go through the users, the cunts, the manipulative and abusive, the abusive wanna be doms etc first. But it IS worth the frustration when it finally happens.

    If someone thinks less of you because of this then they are a moron and not worth your time and you're better off without them.
    Posted 03-24-2017 at 04:52 PM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
    Updated 03-24-2017 at 04:58 PM by IceMaiden
 

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:44 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc. - Also check out Kink Talk!reptilelaborer