A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Betrayal & Hurt
Posted 06-29-2022 at 08:43 PM by Butterfly
Today I found out that a long term kink friend of mine has been lying to me for years, but he has been especially deceitful the past 2 months. My heart hurts. Not only for myself, but for the other persons involved.
I have a big heart. I go above and beyond for my friends. I have sat up all night to be emotional support for my people. I take time to do little things to make them feel wanted, and loved (dropping off flowers to my best friend just because or sending a quick note in the mail so they know I thought of them). I don't hold my friends to my standard, that is, I don't expect them to do the same things for me that I give to them because I know that not everybody shows their love and support like I do.
However, I do expect to be respected. I expect honesty. I expect to be made to feel wanted and loved in a way they are comfortable showing it.
I don't feel that way right now. I feel like my heart, the trust that we had because we have been friends for so long, my friendship has been taken advantage of. I feel taken for granted. I feel broken and worthless.
Part of me feels like i am over reacting. Did he really owe me anything? Yes, I think he did. After almost 10 years of being friends. Being through so many life events together .... He owed me the basic courtesy of not making me feel worthless.
I am pretty easy going. I am open. I am non-judgemental. I am forgiving. Somehow no matter how much abuse I have been through, I still find it inside myself to allow people in, to trust, to put faith in people. I am not naïve, I do protect myself, but I also know that sometimes you have to take risks to reap rewards.
I asked him if he thought the friendship was worth saving and he didn't answer. So maybe it really didn't mean anything to him after all ... maybe I am just another notch on the belt of life.
I am not opposed to trying to repair the friendship, like I said, I am forgiving. But I need to know that my friendship was valued, that I am wanted. I need to be fought for.
Right now I am just still in shock. My heart aches. And I don't know where to go from here ...
I have a big heart. I go above and beyond for my friends. I have sat up all night to be emotional support for my people. I take time to do little things to make them feel wanted, and loved (dropping off flowers to my best friend just because or sending a quick note in the mail so they know I thought of them). I don't hold my friends to my standard, that is, I don't expect them to do the same things for me that I give to them because I know that not everybody shows their love and support like I do.
However, I do expect to be respected. I expect honesty. I expect to be made to feel wanted and loved in a way they are comfortable showing it.
I don't feel that way right now. I feel like my heart, the trust that we had because we have been friends for so long, my friendship has been taken advantage of. I feel taken for granted. I feel broken and worthless.
Part of me feels like i am over reacting. Did he really owe me anything? Yes, I think he did. After almost 10 years of being friends. Being through so many life events together .... He owed me the basic courtesy of not making me feel worthless.
I am pretty easy going. I am open. I am non-judgemental. I am forgiving. Somehow no matter how much abuse I have been through, I still find it inside myself to allow people in, to trust, to put faith in people. I am not naïve, I do protect myself, but I also know that sometimes you have to take risks to reap rewards.
I asked him if he thought the friendship was worth saving and he didn't answer. So maybe it really didn't mean anything to him after all ... maybe I am just another notch on the belt of life.
I am not opposed to trying to repair the friendship, like I said, I am forgiving. But I need to know that my friendship was valued, that I am wanted. I need to be fought for.
Right now I am just still in shock. My heart aches. And I don't know where to go from here ...
Total Comments 5
Comments
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Sounds shitty, I can imagine how raw you are right now. Sending hugs. You’ll bounce back from this as you always do….Posted 06-30-2022 at 03:46 AM by Masterwants 
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People suck! Seriously, this makes me mad!
I'm sending you lots of hugs dear Princess!Posted 06-30-2022 at 05:57 AM by Jaro 
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Words really do fail when it comes to feelings of betrayal, especially after such a long period, when bonds should be deepening. It throws everything out of order.
I'm sorry you're going through this. At least you're aware now, and can move accordingly. Someone mistreated what you gave them, that is not on you, and it is no worthless thing to give love, give care, and risk being open.Posted 06-30-2022 at 06:07 AM by StrawDog
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People are cunts to good people. That is all.
You are better than this babe xxPosted 06-30-2022 at 11:20 AM by LittleMissSass
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My sympathy with you, Butterfly. I hope you find support by the many real friends you have to comfort you in this time of pain.Posted 06-30-2022 at 02:55 PM by CSasha
