He/She? Sorry for the confusion - About transition

Disclaimer: The following text is all according to my experience, best knowledge and the situation in Germany, as well as my personal opinion. I am also not a native, so if you know other words in your regional English for anything I describe, enrich us with more vocabulary, please. If you want to add, correct or post a counter statement, feel free to comment. Add links to further information sites if you want.

1. How to adress me?
A short while ago I encountered how I shall be addressed, he/him/his or she/her/hers. My name here is Cassandra. I want to be called Cassandra, or Cass for friends, and sometimes in mutual consent even Mistress Cassandra. I chose my name, I choose how I want to be adressed. It's the most basic respect and social manners for you to follow that. So it's clearly she/her/hers. Please.
Fun fact: It took my brother only one minute on the phone to finally accept that basic consent after I kept calling him Maria. My mother needed five silent minutes to think over that agreement after I called her Karl.

2. Why the confusion?
What is a woman? What is a man? If you look closely and ask many people, you get plenty of various, partly very diverse answers. If you want to simplify, you surely can, but with every item that defines gender you leave out more people who are not fine with it. It's a difficult question. How manly do you feel right now? How womanly? And what exactly makes you feel that way?

I dared to challenge and question my gender identy, and I didn't have an answer right away. I was even not sure about my answer for a very long time. The first thing I learned was how my parents, family, relatives, acquaintances, strangers, teachers, fellow students, and colleagues called and addressed me. Only afterwards one day I started to think "No! I am not fine with that. I decide that by myself now." And it takes more time to come out one peer group after another and change that. So that's what happened here. People got used to one name and prepositions, and now it's another. Of course, it takes a while to change that habit. I am patient. Just don't ignore me and try, please. Or I have to make you experience how such distress feels. Did you ever got called by an insulting nickname? Think that direction.

3. Gender disphoria
When we were born, people around us looked between our legs and most often said something along the line of "It's a girl/boy/There's some weirdness, let's cut it to make it clear and easy for us". Unfortunately, what they should have actually said was "It has a vagina/penis/I am not sure about its genitals, let's see how it turns out". Because: genitals don't imply gender. Not at all.

As a society, we still associate genitals and secondary sexualy physics like breasts, high and soft voice, soft skin, strong body hair, long head hair, facial hair, strong muscles, tallness, wide shoulder cross, wide hips and more with gender. And we trouble ourselves with it? Ever wondered about the revenue of penis enlargement, endurance pills, or cosmetical surgery? It's because as long as those are vital issues of our identity we care a lot when they are not perfect. And they are not perfect in so many cases.

We'd be finer with each other if we wouldn't make such a fuzz about what a woman or man, female or male is for others, but what it is for us personally. Practially, we all do, because that's the way we learned it that way more or less. Just think of seperated dorms, public toilets, even clothing shops, barber shops, military service laws, here in Germany even different pension ages. It's still everywhere. As a society, we label all people into two gender boxes. But, not everyone is fine with that. On the other hand, when we grow up we learn the very basics how things are called and work in this world and society by the people around us.

It takes a while for a child to grow up and become independent enough to get to know and express itself. Fact is, there are numerous human beings having a huge problem with their assigned gender because it doesn't fit with how they feel and what personal identity they are fine with. Gender disphoria - distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. For some it's so much distress that they kill themselves. Others are depressed by it. Not everyone having it is able to ackowledge the true nature of their problems, or express it to their family, friends or colleagues. And it's difficult. The age of coming officially out ranges from 4 to 99. But how much does a 4-years-old child know about it, how sure is it about it, and how could it ever make serious decision or actions about doing something about it? "Mama, I am a boy." "Oh, it's just a phase." Many discovering their gender disphoria later remember incidents where they felt, knew or even expressed it very early or frequently in life, but didn't want to or couldn't push through with it. After all, we are pretty dependent from our relationships with each other and humans are social animals after all. And some of us don't even feel comfortable in any of those two boxes.

But once you know, you can (gender) transition (in German it's just called transition) from your current identity you have the distress with to a new identity you are able to live a happy and fulfilled life with. Transition is a long process, involving details you have never thought about before. Are you comfortable with your cloth, how you wear your hair, jewelry, your body shape, body hair, make-up, the way you walk and talk, the use of words, any things you do, how to react in certain situations and much more.

4. Typical (Gender) transition (in Germany)
If you look for it, you find the most present cases are MaleToFemale (MtF), followed by FemaleToMale (FtM). This is misleading!
In fact, it always stands for perceived as male/female. People just notice which gender they are, they actually don't change it! So a man doesn't become a woman, she changes to fit her gender. And a woman doesn't become a man, he changes to fit his gender. Both were just perceived wrongly! Yes, most likely because of the body which doesn't define it. Not your fault, don't feel bad, but now you know and can behave accordingly without accidently hurting people. Have you been aware you know how sentences like "You are not a man", "Don't act like a girl", "A real woman doesn't do that/dress like that" can hurt?

Besides the medical issue, in Germany you can request an official gender and name change. It's a legal thing. It takes a while and you have to go to a hearing with a judge deciding your case. After that, you officially are a man or woman, whatever you requested to be it changed into. Since a couple of years, you don't even need a certified infertility (how inhuman that was!). Yay, we progressed.

As a German citizen you can go to a doctor or psycho therapist and have you diagnosed with gender disphoria (most probably if you really have it). It's a delicate issue since it could be misdiagnosed (like many other things), but especially in combination with mental health issues.

Still, it is all up to you how little or much you do medical! You can do any combination between and including nothing at all to the full program.

In Germany, everybody is forced to have health ensurance, at least a public one (private health ensurances are optional), so for a fee relative to your income for public health ensurance the majority of health costs is covered, but only after you got the confirmation by your health insurance. It already takes too long when you are in distress and have to wait for months. Some health insurance reject and then it takes years to legally force them to acknowledge. Educational fact: The way you enforce them basically is the legal issue of denial of assistance. You have a right to get their support. It just takes ages to go through it, and some deny it in the hope of getting away with it because of the problems for you.

Careful with any medical actions of transition on your own account. Your health insurance might take that as an excuse to deny you any cover because the gender dysphoria you claim to have might then come from your these actions. You need to wait for their confirmation first.

So hopefully confirmed and covered by your health insurance, the first thing you usually get are hormones. Sometimes blockers for your main gender hormones produced that you don't want anymore, and in any case the gender hormones you want. And those are the main changers. The older you are, the longer it takes to get the changes, the younger, the quicker it gets. The hormones do most of the tricks! You'd be astonished how many people you see every day which had a sex change via hormones alone and you won't recognize or even guess (and if you start guessing, you accidently label plenty of non-changed people ). It's amazing how much relies on those hormones.
Still, for people wanting those changes, it's a way too long time. Always! A real final process of distress. It's even a second puberty, at least partly.

Then there are different surgery changes you can apply to and have. You can have your breasts changed (rebuild to male or build up to female), you can have intern organs removed, and you can have your genitals changed. Again, it's all up to you what you do or don't do. The first two options come with smaller or bigger scars, depending on your body and the surgeries themselves.

The genital change is quite difficult, couple of surgeries at least, often complications, and you'll never get the original. Very unfortunate, at least the current medical possibilities. It's slowly getting better though.

Men and Women who had a transition do want to be just normal in the end, but they never can be by a couple of details:
- They will always have to take hormones (heard from only one who could reduce the level to take to a minimum due to body's self-production change after guided meditation, never say never).
- Issues with the genitals. Nobody is allowed to look into other people's pants, so most often you don't see a change. But first there are the worries about complications with your new genitals, even after years something can break or grow complicated. Then there's the extra care you have to have when peeing or frequent exercises you have to keep up to remain the functions. And then there are still those cases where you get into trouble. Hiking, and your fellow pals just quickly take a pee in the bush. You need to pee, too, but will they see anything? Going swimming or bathing. Sauna. And then there are the usual doctor's appointments even if you don't get sick. You always have some extras in life other men or women don't have.
- You cannot reproduce the way your gender does. Maybe you can save up sperm or eggs, maybe even birth a child as a man, but it's always a special thing most other men and women don't even think about.

5. Passing
With gender disphoria, it hurts to be seen and treated as the gender you don't identify with, especially sexist consequences like being bullied, courted, sexually harrassed, or discriminated in many other ways, positively or negatively. What you want is being seen and and treated as the gender you are. That's called Passing (in Germany) and it's a huge issue, especially in (Gender) transition. Every time you don't have passing, it's such a downer. Every time you have passing, it's euphoria!

So if you encounter a person you see some signs of possible transition, signs of trying to pass as another gender, take a breath. For example small, young (appearing) guys, baggy clothing, or unsecure women in women's cloth, with a darker or artificial voice, maybe more facial or body hair, possibly large in size, or with big or rough hands. You may ask, if you are not sure "Young man?" "Excuse me, Lady?" or even "This young man or lady was in front of me in queue" etc. If you are sure, you can give that person one more joyful moment in a difficult time. You can't imagine how happy such a person is when he gets called "young man" or she get called "pretty lady" while they are in transition and mistaken or questioned so often.
On the other hand, you can be easily wrong. Just keep that in mind.
Never question anyone's claimed gender! Ask if you like, but take the gender serious they tell you. Please!

6. Sissies and dumb fuck bimbos
I am a part-time sissy, for kink and fun. I chose to. It's not the gender I am. There may be people for whom sissy is their gender. It's just not mine. Still, it's a hobby of mine to dress as a woman for a good, rough fucking. It's one of my kinks. I have also seen people, female and male, who's fantasy is to be transformed into a certain type of fuck doll. That's fine. It's also a fantasy of mine, but I figured out I appreciate to many things which wouldn't fit in there and they are way too vital for me, way more important than that fucking. A full time sissy or fuck bimbo life isn't for me. I am fine with everyone for whom it does. Have it your way. It doesn't matter what other people think of it. It's your right. I'd just recommend to think about what you want when you are not horny, about what is important or vital to you besides sex.

7. My transition
There still is a minority of people not fine with just two genders. But they split up in so many cases and different opinions. Just be aware, still, anyone makes the call of their gender by themselves, and so everything outside the two boxes of male and female is alright. Remember: Your kink is different but your kink is alright.

I am one of those persons. I did notice first that I have a gender disphoria being labeled as a man just because of my penis and hormones. Now with my husband it's a bit easier because I am labeled as gay (which I am neither) which pushes me a bit out the usual box, right into another one. But, I am not a man.

So I asked myself next if I was a woman, especially related to my sissy activities. But I am not. Do I want to have boobs or a pussy? Sometimes maybe, part times. But besides that, I am not a woman either.

Which gender am I then? I don't know. I have that fantasy of a three-gendered (human) species I have my clear choice in. It's the third gender (gamma) which is the physically weakest, bears the children but doesn't suckle them. It has a penis and no breasts as I do currently have. But it has smaller size (or the other genders alpha (breast and vaginas) and beta (penis but strong big body) are bigger), and it's way less hairy. More sensitive, femboy like (and no, I don't identify as a femboy neither ).

So my current transition is a very individual, unofficial way, and still time-consuming and a long adventure:
- Around two years ago, I started to tweeze my facial and body hair, take waxing sessions on my legs and butt (because of area size and how difficult I can reach those), and use a permanent hair growth reduction cream for my facial and body hair.
- I bought plenty of female underwear, panties, socks, pyjamas, belly-free tops, skirts and dresses. Most recent trend is female short trousers since I dare to wear them outside.
- Recently I started training my voice so I can speak softer. According to where I got it from, this will take around 9 months.
- My right prepositions would be it/its/its, because I am a gamma. But then again, here I identify as Cassandra, so that means she/her/hers. Gamma names consist of only one syllable, like Kris or Skyr, Beta names consist of two syllable, and Alpha names have three syllables, by the way. Easy, isn't it? I haven't decided about my gamma name yet.

I am unsure about many other things like jewelry, tattoos and make-up. I am also insecure about my passing. Basically, I am frustrated if people take me as a man, but also if they do as a woman (just less). But so far, if I puzzle them, I am also not yet fine with it. Can't they see that I am a gamma!? Well, clearly not of course.