Astronauts get training before going into space, why don't we?

The scent of the chocolate... the deep, rich taste of it... I was lost on a beautiful, blissful trip. I hum and close my eyes as I tune all the externals out and just enjoy. Friends watching me comment that I look high (or that I have sex face).

I had decided to go try an Indian restaurant by my house for the first time. I had fresh chai (tea), a mango lassi, cheese naan, lamb biryani, and a red shrimp curry. The explosion of flavors was a riot that should have clashed, but instead it was a symphony of tastes and, oh, the textures. I didn't care that I was eating by myself. To this day, it is the best date I've ever taken myself on.

TRIGGER WARNING: I don't even know, sexual assault maybe? but hover over spoiler box to see experience if you wish

Spoiler:

I was sleepy, lulled by the repetitive gentle strokes on my arm. Drifting on the sea, wrapped in hazy layers of cotton and clouds. Present and aware of everything happening, but with arms and legs and eyelids made of lead. As his hand slowly shifted to other areas, I remained frozen. I knew it was wrong, I knew I should stop it, but I couldn't. And then I found it thrilling. That still baffles, shocks, shames, and horrifies me.

After I had been sitting around cuddling with and petting his gorgeous rope for some time, he offered to tie me. Naturally I accepted and I was my usual (not) cooperative self and twisted and pulled against the ropes as he was going. And continued to wiggle and bounce for as long as I could manage. Eventually, I closed my eyes and rested against him while I enjoyed the the texture and the pressure of the rope around me. As he started to pull the ropes off me, I slowly drifted into a non-verbal, not terribly responsive state. I wrapped myself around his leg, at some point actually allowed him to sit, and just curled into him further. The rope had torn down some of my defensive walls I thought were made of firmer stuff and I found myself with unexpected emotions. I wasn't sure what to do with them. They weren't bad precisely. Primarily just confusion. Over the sharp contrast between past and present experiences. I made a fist with my right hand, digging my nails into my palm, to keep the breakdown at bay. There were some tremors and a few tears, but overall I was fine. We continued cuddling and he slowly stroked the sensitized skin of my arms and thighs, causing the occasional (happy) tremor. His hands tugged on my hair and I pressed into him in response. My eyes had drifted closed and I was focused on all the sensations. I was totally in the moment and attuned to every touch. But even I'm not sure if I was capable of speech.

We'd already been on the bike for a bit when we pulled onto the highway and I felt the wind pushing against me, whipping my hair into sharp needles against my lips. There was already a mild, pleasant ache just at the point where my thighs meet my butt. An ache slowly formed in my right shoulder from the tension in my body while I held on. When I closed my eyes, it just felt like I was soaring. I wanted so badly to lift my arms and truly fly*... oh, this was even better than floatiness.

*I didn't because I'm fully aware that I wouldn't like the aftermath of going splat-crunch-ouch nearly as much as the flight