Abandonment is NOT OK
Posted 10-06-2019 at 08:52 AM by Komodo Jones
After my last D/s break-up in June, I've mainly been pursuing my D/s activities as a sub. While I have been applying to a few people who were looking for a Dominant, I've just been feeling very subby lately. Now I am not the kind of guy who is only interested in females at this time and I will not jump at anything that moves. In order to try for a healthy relationship, I can afford to be picky and I only go to ads that intrigue me.
In the month of September I have applied to two such ads which is unusual to find on this site. And unfortunately these two people have followed the trend that has seemed to happen ever since I moved to my apartment. I have had three different Dommes in my apartment...or I would have if I hadn't been abandoned during the trial period. My first one was from Fetlife but my latter two was from this site in September 2019. Abandonment is not an ok thing to do and rather than trying to explain what abandonment is, I'll just try to explain it through these two real examples that happened to me recently.
The first instance I'm going to explain was actually the second abandoment I encountered and I'm going this way because it's more common. On September 19th, I applied to an ad I found interesting and on September 20th I got a very detailed response that made me feel hopeful. Sadly, I didn't hear from this person for a week but I was ecstatic when about a week later she contacted me via Skype and then moved to kik. This was last weekend. Starting on Friday we talked a lot all the way through Sunday evening. She said she had a lot of ideas on how she could have fun with me and that we would be talking later. Monday I messaged her and all my responses on that day came across with a D next to them which for those of you don't know kik. D means that the message was delivered but had not been read yet. Cut to Tuesday sent another message, not out of desperation just trying to talk. Since then and going forward all my messages had an S next to them. S means the message had been sent but not received. Generally, this means that the person has muted you. This hurt really hard because of how much hope this person instilled in me, leading me on, only to leave me high and dry with no explanation for her leaving whatsoever. Even if her phone was broken, I'm still on here. I'm still on here and Skype is available on computer but nothing. Ghosting like this is a common practice even among people who actually seem to give a flip when they post an ad. However, this is only one of the instances where I was abandoned.
The first incident of abandonment I had in September was near the beginning of the month but I don't have the exact dates. Once again ecstatic to hear from the person as another well-constructed ad who had what I was looking for. A very rare occurrence on this site. I replied to her ad and got a response from her on September 13th. Turns out something good CAN happen on Friday the 13th or so I thought. That day I was inducted into a two week trial period with rules and tasks. I worked on tasks and followed the rules that I was given. Come Tuesday September 17, she said to me she didn't think this wasn't going to work because she felt like she wasn't bonding with me. Can I ask why...oh no I can't because all my messages are already coming across as an S. That's cowardly, at least tell me why I'm not bonding and you can find that out over five days instead of the 14 your promised me. Oh and this is the real demonstration of total assetry. Saturday onward I tried to start conversation I really did. Her response to almost every single thing I said was "Okay
" That's it nothing more just Okay with a smiley face. HOW CAN YOU SAY WE'RE NOT BONDING WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING?!?!?! I really did try to initiate conversation. We had long conversations on Friday but if she knew that early if something wasn't going to work why did you string me on?! Oh and telling me I write good reports is supposed to make me feel better?! You didn't even try to get to know me. I cried that night she abandoned me but lately it's turned to anger.
These two girls, who I will not mention by name (as it's not my attention to specifically out anyone), gave up on me and abandoned me. It hurts that both gave me indications that they were interested and then with no explanation (or at least not a substantial one), cut things off. This is abandonment. Plain and simple abandonment is not ok. No matter your role Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, sub or slave, the person you're engaging with is a person and they have feelings. You continue in this kind of behavior it will take a toll. In my experience, every single Domme I've had (save for one) has abandoned me or driven to me a point of neglect that I have to leave. This weighs down on my D/s experience because there will always be a fear in my mind that if I am a sub i could be abandoned. I also have an ongoing fear as a Dom, but that's a different story. It doesn't consume my mind but it makes me really vulnerable.
I have never left a relationship without telling someone, or at least telling someone why unless I felt the relationship was actually dangerous to myself. I've been abandoned enough times to know that it is one of the worst feelings in the world and even though there are some people I can't stand I wouldn't wish it on anybody. To those of you who take the time to read this and do engage in D/s please please PLEASE do not leave a relationship unless it's really dangerous. Try to talk with your partner and you may actually be able to salvage it. And for everyone who does abandon..GROW A PAIR AND STOP TREATING PEOPLE LIKE GARBAGE!!! I'll say it again plain and simple abandonment is not ok!
In the month of September I have applied to two such ads which is unusual to find on this site. And unfortunately these two people have followed the trend that has seemed to happen ever since I moved to my apartment. I have had three different Dommes in my apartment...or I would have if I hadn't been abandoned during the trial period. My first one was from Fetlife but my latter two was from this site in September 2019. Abandonment is not an ok thing to do and rather than trying to explain what abandonment is, I'll just try to explain it through these two real examples that happened to me recently.
The first instance I'm going to explain was actually the second abandoment I encountered and I'm going this way because it's more common. On September 19th, I applied to an ad I found interesting and on September 20th I got a very detailed response that made me feel hopeful. Sadly, I didn't hear from this person for a week but I was ecstatic when about a week later she contacted me via Skype and then moved to kik. This was last weekend. Starting on Friday we talked a lot all the way through Sunday evening. She said she had a lot of ideas on how she could have fun with me and that we would be talking later. Monday I messaged her and all my responses on that day came across with a D next to them which for those of you don't know kik. D means that the message was delivered but had not been read yet. Cut to Tuesday sent another message, not out of desperation just trying to talk. Since then and going forward all my messages had an S next to them. S means the message had been sent but not received. Generally, this means that the person has muted you. This hurt really hard because of how much hope this person instilled in me, leading me on, only to leave me high and dry with no explanation for her leaving whatsoever. Even if her phone was broken, I'm still on here. I'm still on here and Skype is available on computer but nothing. Ghosting like this is a common practice even among people who actually seem to give a flip when they post an ad. However, this is only one of the instances where I was abandoned.
The first incident of abandonment I had in September was near the beginning of the month but I don't have the exact dates. Once again ecstatic to hear from the person as another well-constructed ad who had what I was looking for. A very rare occurrence on this site. I replied to her ad and got a response from her on September 13th. Turns out something good CAN happen on Friday the 13th or so I thought. That day I was inducted into a two week trial period with rules and tasks. I worked on tasks and followed the rules that I was given. Come Tuesday September 17, she said to me she didn't think this wasn't going to work because she felt like she wasn't bonding with me. Can I ask why...oh no I can't because all my messages are already coming across as an S. That's cowardly, at least tell me why I'm not bonding and you can find that out over five days instead of the 14 your promised me. Oh and this is the real demonstration of total assetry. Saturday onward I tried to start conversation I really did. Her response to almost every single thing I said was "Okay
" That's it nothing more just Okay with a smiley face. HOW CAN YOU SAY WE'RE NOT BONDING WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING?!?!?! I really did try to initiate conversation. We had long conversations on Friday but if she knew that early if something wasn't going to work why did you string me on?! Oh and telling me I write good reports is supposed to make me feel better?! You didn't even try to get to know me. I cried that night she abandoned me but lately it's turned to anger.These two girls, who I will not mention by name (as it's not my attention to specifically out anyone), gave up on me and abandoned me. It hurts that both gave me indications that they were interested and then with no explanation (or at least not a substantial one), cut things off. This is abandonment. Plain and simple abandonment is not ok. No matter your role Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, sub or slave, the person you're engaging with is a person and they have feelings. You continue in this kind of behavior it will take a toll. In my experience, every single Domme I've had (save for one) has abandoned me or driven to me a point of neglect that I have to leave. This weighs down on my D/s experience because there will always be a fear in my mind that if I am a sub i could be abandoned. I also have an ongoing fear as a Dom, but that's a different story. It doesn't consume my mind but it makes me really vulnerable.
I have never left a relationship without telling someone, or at least telling someone why unless I felt the relationship was actually dangerous to myself. I've been abandoned enough times to know that it is one of the worst feelings in the world and even though there are some people I can't stand I wouldn't wish it on anybody. To those of you who take the time to read this and do engage in D/s please please PLEASE do not leave a relationship unless it's really dangerous. Try to talk with your partner and you may actually be able to salvage it. And for everyone who does abandon..GROW A PAIR AND STOP TREATING PEOPLE LIKE GARBAGE!!! I'll say it again plain and simple abandonment is not ok!
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