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The difference a girl makes...

Posted 06-24-2020 at 10:07 AM by Bloxo

Bloxo here...slightly older, long term member with a few words of wisdom

I've been on this site on and off for over 10 years now, even when I'm not active I still check in to see what's happening now and then.

What is the main thing I notice?

This site seems lifeless without the girls who participate.

Let's face facts, this is a largely male dominated site...and when you are a straight guy, well it can be off putting at times.

Over the years there have been strong female presences that have really driven this site, Butterfly, Switch Lucy, Sam~, Lola, HappyMe...just to name a few that stand out in my mind as people that have really driven creativity and inspired people to behave better, to be more respectful and have genuinely made this site more than just a kink lovers playground!

They showed real power and without having to Domme to do it...well not all the time.

Most of the girls who post (at least in my humble opinion) at this moment in time do so for their own gratification, Request TorD threads spring up constantly...this is of course a goldmine for Dom's, but where has the creativity gone?

I have noticed chat is dead with no women in it, they tend to drive the more lively conversation, they tend to listen more and be more engaging on the whole and make everything more fun.

Now...I ask myself, why have things changed?

Well time is a factor of course, This site can be a time in someone's life...and life moves on, the question is though...where are the new bloods who step up to take the reigns?

These days the MistressmayI? thread is all but abandoned, the messy games have sparse attendence, there are fewer competitions, fewer roleplays being run, less activity in the Lounge and numerous other areas of the site.

I think it's time we started treating the female members of this site better, encouraging them to flourish and not just drown them in dare requests!

For this reason...I have started the Get Dare Girls Awards!

This may go nowhere as a lot of my posts, but I want to introduce some positive encouragement on this site to make women feel that they can share their voice, to show that their contribution means something and to help them be more active and to get recognised for that activity!

I hope together we can all make this site a better place and I invite everyone to think hard about what this site would be like without women...for me, it would be no site at all!
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    I think the biggest churn-off is how girls or women are treated. I have noticed how much you get literally harassed when your user name or avatar looks female (even when your profile does say something else), up to being called fake if you don't provide a pic on demand. Girls and women are real persons and way more than just sex objects as dommes or subs. Everytime that doesn't come first, it's a huge problem.

    Unfortunately, this misbehavior comes from less-educated, individual users hard to notice not to say moderate or re-educate by other users. I don't know how to solve this. On different sites I have seen different approaches of which none have worked.
    Posted 06-24-2020 at 03:43 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Yeah, ultimately it's down to men to some degree...and the kind that probably don't even realise there is a Blog section on this site...
    Why are women called fake? Because there are fucked up guys who pretend to be women to entertain their desires.

    Only way you can ever sort something like this in my opinion is with verified profiles, have admins get pictures submitted that are unfakeable, but it means a lot of extra work, and a non profit site like this...you'll not get that, and even if you did, I imagine many women would feel that they shouldn't have to go through that process (I'm guessing).
    I just get nostalgic for the good old days!
    Posted 06-24-2020 at 05:05 PM by Bloxo Bloxo is offline
  3. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Quote:
    Why are women called fake? Because there are fucked up guys who pretend to be women to entertain their desires.
    I would like to disagree on that. If you treat everyone as a fellow Human being from second 0, then first of all sex and therefore gender shouldn't be important. If it is, what other difference does it make then for discrimination (treating them different based on their gender) or with the thoughts that you could possibly engage sexually with them (online dares, online play, relationship, irl meetings...), ignoring many possible reasons there's no chance for the latter you don't know about yet (they are not up for such things now, for example due to being asexual, or being in a relationship), or not with you (unmatching sexuality, unmatching Likes and Limits, you are not their type). You don't fucking know that (yet)! Sometimes these guys even could know if they would read profiles, or just the signature, or they don't accept what they read - a no for an answer.

    At least that's my experience with my name (the genderneutral Cass is given, but doesn't even make a difference on other sites in that regard), with my avatar (still very happy having gotten it from RiskyFlame ), and eveb my blog entries. It's as if I needed a big fat PENIS sign to drive those guys away (and maybe that is a solution for girls and women to be less harassed: here, put that big Penis sign/picture on you. I know it looks ugly and people will think you are a guy. Exactly that protects you from harassement. Sad sad sad!).

    I don't know how women feel about this daily reality, but from my slight dose impressions of it: it SUCKs!

    Here is a simple solution for not getting tricked by fake female:
    Take your time to read, chat, and listen! Be genuinely interested in the person besides sex and gender.
    Putting up the female mask for casual fun is too much effort for pretenders. Their fun is in your focus on the different treatment in form of plenty and different, crazily horny attention due to the supposed sex.

    Check yourself: when do you think about ASL (age sex location = "are you fuckable for me?)?
    How would you feel if you were asked weight, height, income, do you give me a gift right away? Would you like being treated as a money bag, or a free craftsman, or a sugar daddy?

    And by the way, I am very sure that's also the best chance to finally engage with a women possibly interested. If you are sex-focused, then for any woman you are one OF all the same of sex-focused males in a million, and you only match with an also sex-focused female who is like the only one OF a million.
    But when you are not that, you have conversation with plenty of interesting and friendly Human people. The topic of sex comes up for sure on getDare. You find like-minded other males. And if you hold your horses and treat everyone with respect, you'll get to know who is even open and a possibly suitable match for you. People who are not will point you into the right direction, directly to good candidates, and might even give you a good reference after they got to know you.

    Sorry about the rant. I think verification is not the answer. I have experienced that solution on other sites. Still gotten harassed even more so.

    I think the problem of being fooled or wrong assumptions due to lack of reading and education.
    Posted 06-24-2020 at 11:09 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Hi Cassandra, apologies...it was a comment made when tired.
    I hope it wasn't taken the wrong way

    I am happy to talk with anyone on this site in a friendly manner, but am selective (as we all are) about who I would further that conversation with into more intimate matters.

    To stress, I have no problem with the way a person see's their gender, I am happy to identify as Male, but I know other's have their own way to identify and I support that.

    Having almost been the victim of predatory people who try to lure people out by pretending to be someone they are not online is why I am sensitive to this issue and why I am cautious.

    I agree with your approach above for determining who is who they say they are, not always 100% effective, but it's a good way to weed 99% of pretenders out and respect your opinion on validation, indeed it would not stop harassment...sadly the way some Human's think, it's hard to stop that without implanting some kind of behaviour modification chip into their brain
    Posted 06-25-2020 at 08:09 AM by Bloxo Bloxo is offline
  5. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    No offense taken at all. My annoyance and grief is cause by those who don't read. You even blog. You are a precious.
    Posted 06-25-2020 at 08:28 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Some may say I over blog
    But I care about this community, I've seen how great this place can be, and I don't even think I was active in any golden age haha!

    Also blogging here can be a bit of a therapy to me, sometimes I feel the need to get stuff out...and it's healthier than unloading it to the people around me
    Posted 06-25-2020 at 08:36 AM by Bloxo Bloxo is offline
  7. Old Comment
    knorke's Avatar
    I can honestly say that participating on gD under my old account name (which was my first name, more or less) got me a lot more attention than my current name - which is entirely neutral. It got to the point where even if I hadn’t written anything in the forum for weeks, just coming online would mean I’d get private messages from people looking to play or asking for dares as punishment and whatnot. People looking to get off, really. Is that what I was looking for when coming here? No, duh. The entitlement of “you are a sub you should play with me and I don’t care if you say no” & “you are female so give me a task even if we never talked” has sadly proven itself to be very real. And, pardon if I offend anyone, but last I checked I owed no one on here much.

    It also makes it really hard to even want to come here, and if I do I usually forego posting in any thread and just talk to a handful of people in chat. What I’ve personally taken away is that at this point in time, outside of people I “know” (not necessarily limited to people on my friends list), I prefer simply talking to as few people as possible on here. That’s not to say I would want to play with all or even any of them — but it’s a bunch of people I know I can talk to, ask for advice if needed and who can think with their head more so than with what’s between their legs.

    People are selfish, and that’s not too unexpected. I am, but so are you. And I sometimes feel too vanilla for a lot of the folks on here — I just like to get tied up and occasional denial. But what I see is scat, diapers, blackmail, exposure, dares that go against common sense etc in a ratio where on a good day I’ll look into 1 out of 10 threads. I participate when I’m motivated and I feel like my interests align. If your likes or threads don’t match my likes, I probably won’t respond.

    I don’t care about verification much. The fewer people can plainly see what gender I am, the better on here to be honest. If I want to seriously play with someone from gD, it wouldn’t be through forum threads or PMs but Skype, discord and whatnot. There’s a few people I play with irl, and this site is more of a hobby to a hobby but where people don’t care about interests, likes and limits. What benefit would it bring you to know I’m “real”? To allow you to get off more easily vs getting to know me as a person? Jesus. (Yes, maybe not you personally, but there’s at least 10x as many people interested in the former, it feels like).

    Hey, I even had albums on here at one point, but deleted most relevant ones wayyyy back, and the rest at some later point. I did corner time on webcam a few times (with like, 2 people total), but it turns out that just ends up with people wanting more when I don't, and somehow it never works out long enough.

    There are vast categories of fetishes that I refuse to engage in, last of all online when, even if the people are real, you can just pretend you’ve done whatever. I’ve seen enough PMs (not just on here, but similar sites too) that boil down to “tell me to do x so I can jerk off”, and that’s the last thing you’ve heard of them.

    I personally don’t care much about gender (but I’m also leaning towards bi-asexual in weird ways), but more about the personality behind someone’s virtual username. But I can definitively say that the fewer people on here know much about me, the better. It feels like a lot of people come here when they’re horny, which I rarely do - its more about a bit of social interaction in one of the things I’m interested in. It rarely pays off to engage in any dominant way.

    But hey, I'm an introvert anyway. Your mileage may vary.
    Posted 06-25-2020 at 08:55 AM by knorke knorke is offline
    Updated 06-25-2020 at 09:40 AM by knorke
  8. Old Comment
    Thank you Knorke for such a powerful comment!

    It's important to see things from a female perspective and this is something that can often become lacking, most of the girls who have a hard time here I would imagine just leave and never come back and don't share their experiences to educate the group on what they have been through!

    I really appreciate your comment and it makes me reflect on how I've used this site and I hope it contributes to the discussion on how this can be a better place!
    Posted 06-25-2020 at 09:13 AM by Bloxo Bloxo is offline
  9. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Stumbled over this nice little article on one aspect of the issue. I think it's not so much different for female subs and switches.
    Posted 06-28-2020 at 04:10 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
 

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