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Fear Me Roar.

Posted 10-10-2018 at 11:13 AM by imakward
Updated 10-17-2018 at 05:54 PM by Happy Me

Hello , yet again i find myself in the mood for writing and sharing a bit of thoughts and a story,

i tend to think that i'm very good at making people comftrable and safe enough so they can share there feelings or fears and i think its because of my caregiving let's say trait,but when it comes to me sharing fears it quite hard to do so,that's why i think writing about it will help me in a way,to atleast share them in a writen form.

This story begins with me just finishing first year of university ,before i had my exams that were usually on June-July ,i had 1 week of break from Uni,so they idea was for me to fly to my family in the UK and stay for 1 week and then fly back,so now im gonna jump back in time for little explanation.

So from a young age i had a little fear of hights ,but it used to not bother me so much ,and i climbed trees and etc like that often me and my friends went up to the roof of our building and watched the sunset or the sunrise or the stars,typical stuff like that ,but as i grew up it kinda at a certain moment grew as a fear without a seeming reason to a point that when my Faimly settled in the UK and wanted me to visit them ,i contstantly rejected because i had a enermous fear of flying with a plane,now i wanna explain that my fear about planes is not only the hight but the thought of being up in the air thousand miles from the ground + being in a closed space when i know i have just that space and nothing more to go around with was terrafying,so back to the present of the story.
1 Month before my uni break my family really wanted me to visit,and they were really keen on it especially my sister ,you see they come in my country once a year for 1 month,so she really missed me and said that i never visit for all those years,so i felt pretty bad and i decided to go although i didn't know at that moment how would i ever get over my fear,
I quickly forgot about the fact i was gonna fly in 1 month so i carried on with my daily stuff ,uni,work,hanging out with friends.
Now there were couple of days before my so called flight,so my faimly called and told me they got tickets and everything,and i reacted pretty shocked but then remembered what i promised,so see there is something really important i follow,if i promise something i do it no matter what,so you could say i was bound by my whole believing system and didn't want to disappoint my sister which was very excited,so i printed the tickets and got my luggage ready and everything.

Here we are at the day of the flight i went to the air port as usually 2 hours earlier or 3 i don't remember now,i was just a little bit anxious in the waiting room,but as the minutes passed buy i felt more and more anxious and worried ,my brain kept thinking 999 scenarios and how would i be able to find a reason not to go and surely they would understand me.

The moment they called my flight i stood up and walked to the gate,see our airport is small and we literally walked to the plane where there was a metal staircase to go into the plane,the plane itself was half the size of those that fly to the US for example,we formed a line and people started walking up the stairs,and then it hit me,i don't know if i can explain it good but it felt like i was frozen in time i was terrified ,the only thing that my mind screamed was "turned around and go home" ,it was very overwhelming ,and only writing about it makes me anxious,so that day at that moment in that second i mustered all the fucking courage i had ,to make that step and walk in the airplane,and take my seat,as i sat down and put on my seatbelt,the women next to me saw how anxious and worried i was ,she said i was very pale ,and told me its gonna be okay and she flies almost every week,sadly it didn't make me feel better,so the whole flight was 3 hours total and that was the slowest and most horrible 3 hours in my life,i just didnt moved a inch in the plane i felt like i was tied up or frozen in one place ,2 hours in the flight i decided to move my hands some and finally put some music and put my headphones in ,and the moment i heard that the plane was going to land it felt like i was finally free and could move and its finally over,so i met my family after the luggage check in,and hugged my sister and i felt quite safe at that moment.

The whole trip back to my Family house,i didn't said a word i was quite shocked by my plane ride and i loosen up more when we arrived at the house.

After the week i had in UK which was one of the best ones in my life because i Visited Old Trafford which is the stadium of my favourite club in Manchester,which i wept in when i was inside it..



The day i was heading home ,i wasn't that anxious at first because in my opinion i had put the whole plane experience in the back of my mind,but the moment i got onto the airplane i had that dreadful horrible feeling all over,that i was just bound and frozen in my seat and couldnt just move,and for bonus the plane ride back home had a lot of turbolance which was to say the least Horribly dreadful,finally when i was back home in my apartment ,i felt better again but it took me couple of days to recover from it.

At the end i wanna say that facing your fears is really important,and i did learn something about myself that when it comes to shove i can get my act together and do the right thing or the thing i have to do ,to keep my promise.
Now i have another story ,because i feel like i can talk about that one too which was scary ,but has a happy end.

It was 1 year ago and i was with couple of friends playing pool(Biliard) in a local Shopping center in town,the place was on the third floor of the building,and the lazy people we are decided to go down with the elevator,so we got onto it ,here i am gonna say what kind of people we were in the elevator so i can explain the situation good.

We were ,Me a friend of mine his girlfriend and her sister which was 12years old,so we entered the elevator and pressed the button for the 1 floor,so the elevator started and went down to the 1 floor but it didnt stop and went for the basement floor,then stopped for around 10 seconds and started moving again to the third floor with faster speed,and the elevator did that for 1 hour.

The first minute we laughed a lot and didn't believe what was happing and we thought someone was calling the elevator non stop making a joke,but after couple of minutes we heard some people yelling asking if someone is in the elevator and could we stop it,at that moment the 12 year old girl in our group started panicking because you see she is 12yrs and made her sister panic,and started believing there is no air and etc,so i told them to calm down and just be quiet and so we can call the repair people which they had a number for in the elevator ,but when we tried to call we didnt have any cellar ,because you see it moved from the basement floor to the top non stop and it cut out non stop,after the 30 minutes started to feel quite unpleasant it was hot because 4 people breathing in a elevator made it so,i remained calm ,neglecting the fact that it begun to feel the exact same way as i felt when i was flying,but there was no one else to step up sadly.

finally we were able to reach the repair people somehow and i started to explain our situation and 30 min later still me trying to explain the situation,the elevator out of nowhere stopped on the basement floor,and opened the doors,so i made the quick decision to grab the girls hands and pull them out although they thought it could be dangerous because it could start going up again any second i did the same for my friend and we got out
now after we went out there was the other problem that we were in the basement that was locked because no one would expect people to be there so at that moment i kinda got filled with a lot of rage replacing the fear i had,and tried to brake the door but it didn't happen ,
we came out after 1 hour of waiting for some security guard to decide if it was important to come or not,because you see kids do pranks or something still to this day i dont understand why he didnt come straight away,so i bursted on him with a lot of anger ,how terribly irresponsible he is with his job,and we all laughed after that and each went home
so in the coming days every time i went in a elevator i felt trapped and had the same cripping feeling as in that event i had,but over time it just diminished and went away the most part of it,i still prefer the stairs and feel very uncomftrable in a elevator but its much better with every day.

I think people that fight with their fears everyday need to be very proud with themselves and deserve admirations ,because it may look like a simple thing for others but for them is a huge step each day.

I hope you enjoyed my stories and writing ,and if it helped someone i would be happy ,it sure helped me in some form or another.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Ly Ph's Avatar
    I am glad you managed to face your fear and had such a good time! The lift thing is rather scary. Feels worse than if it had just stopped some how.

    I know its more an irrational fear of flying but it should be noted that there is a measurement of the chance of dying from an event called a "micromort" (1/1million chance of dying). Travelling 1000 miles by aeroplane is one micromort. By comparison a 6 miles on a moterbike or eating 1000 bananas (presumably not in one sitting) is also a micromort. Its actually a really safe method of travel, just its advertised a lot because a lot of people are effected at once.
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 01:07 PM by Ly Ph Ly Ph is offline
  2. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ly Ph View Comment
    I am glad you managed to face your fear and had such a good time! The lift thing is rather scary. Feels worse than if it had just stopped some how.

    I know its more an irrational fear of flying but it should be noted that there is a measurement of the chance of dying from an event called a "micromort" (1/1million chance of dying). Travelling 1000 miles by aeroplane is one micromort. By comparison a 6 miles on a moterbike or eating 1000 bananas (presumably not in one sitting) is also a micromort. Its actually a really safe method of travel, just its advertised a lot because a lot of people are effected at once.
    Oh,yeah i know its super safe to travel i wish there is a way to just shove it in my stupid brain and fix it but alas...it can ,but thank you for the nice comment and the nice explanation of it i appreciate it a lot
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 02:41 PM by imakward imakward is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Happy Me's Avatar
    I wish I could just hold your hand all the time. <3
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 02:47 PM by Happy Me Happy Me is offline
  4. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Happy Me View Comment
    I wish I could just hold your hand all the time. <3
    i wish that too moon pie
    Posted 10-10-2018 at 03:31 PM by imakward imakward is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Heart's Avatar
    Facing fears is such a powerful feeling! Thanks for sharing.
    Posted 10-11-2018 at 06:49 AM by Heart Heart is offline
  6. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by IHeartFun View Comment
    Facing fears is such a powerful feeling! Thanks for sharing.
    Thank you very much
    Posted 10-11-2018 at 11:59 AM by imakward imakward is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Consensus's Avatar
    Powerful moments there (and a great use of a great gif). You are one tough cookie and clearly someone to have in one's corner when the chips are down!
    Posted 10-13-2018 at 06:49 AM by Consensus Consensus is offline
  8. Old Comment
    imakward's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Consensus View Comment
    Powerful moments there (and a great use of a great gif). You are one tough cookie and clearly someone to have in one's corner when the chips are down!
    awww,that is very sweet thank you
    Posted 10-13-2018 at 09:24 AM by imakward imakward is offline
 

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