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My views on submission over time ... four :P

Posted 09-15-2014 at 11:56 AM by Butterfly
Updated 01-19-2015 at 09:45 AM by Butterfly

After reading blogs by Mandi, Happyme and Rosebrat, I have decided to continue the trend with my own thoughts ...

Discovering D/s
When I was 16, I was watching CSI and there was an episode about a man who died at a BDSM club. Seeing some of the aspects of BDSM, really turned me on, and I realized that it was something that I was interested in. I did a lot of research and fantasizing.

However, every time I thought about submitting to somebody, I pictured the physical aspects, no emotions. I would be on my knees serving them, or bound and helpless, allowing them to do with me as they wish. In those fantasies, I had no say or control.

My own submission
My first time submitting to somebody was all about learning to follow orders, we didn't have feelings for each other in anyway, I do like to think that he cared about my safety, but really he was a teacher and I was his submissive student.

Although my personality has always been submissive in nature (naturally people pleasing, etc.), I seemed go through phases of feeling submissive. In those times I would seek out somebody to control me for a few hours, or a few days, or when the urge really struck, I would try for something more long term. However, I always seemed to get bored, or run down.

I never felt like I could be truly myself while I was submitting. Sometimes I felt that in order to please my Dom I needed to be a "yes sir"/"no sir" robot. But, that just isn't me. I am a very stubborn, and determined and curious, and playful and opinionated person.

Other times, my Dom would have be do the same thing over and over, giving me simple orders such as "edge", "cum", "stop", and nothing more. No personality, or feelings involved.

I realized that I couldn't handle these types of relationships, because it really was more like a business transaction than a relationship.

Overtime
I found a few Doms who I was able to connect with, overtime. Who showed that they cared about me, who let me express my true self without reprimand, who I was eventually able to put some trust in, but it still wasn't enough for me.

I never let myself have any true feelings for somebody, and I just needed more, but I was in a real life relationship with a man who I thought I loved, and it wasn't possible.

When I realized the relationship was over, I was in one of my submissive phases and I reached out to getDare to find a Dom to just fill a space.

And that is when I found Asslvr.

And now ...
My whole world has changed.

My relationship with Asslvr is different than anything I have ever experienced, online or in real life.

I am his submissive, but also his equal. I know that although he is technically in control, I hold a great deal of power in our relationship. Not only because I hold the sacred safe word, but because as much as I am here to please him and make him happy, he does everything he can to do the same for me.

We share a unique bond, that not everybody is lucky enough to have found, but that I hope everybody can and will someday.

I trust him completely, and I know that anything he asks me to do, I wouldn't even think twice. My limits are obsolete when it comes to him. Things that I have never thought about doing with somebody else, are things that I find myself wanting to do for or with him. I know that even though I have a safeword, I can't ever imagine having to use it. I know that he will protect me in any way possible.

He can hear my voice and now if I am happy, sad, worried, scared, or grumpy. He can hear a noise and know if I am blushing, frustrated, or ready to cum. He can read my mind, and anticipates my every want and need before I even realize it.

I don't have to hide my grumpiness, frustration, or playful moods. I am free to be myself, whether I am feeling super submissive or not, and he always respects me, trusts me, and loves me.

Just hearing his voice can have the biggest effect on my day. He makes me feel so much joy and happiness. He makes me feel brave and strong and as though I can handle anything and conquer the world.

For the first time ever, I feel like my submission is something that I want to continue every day, forever and always, if it means that I get to submit to somebody as amazing as Asslvr.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    naughtylittlegirl's Avatar
    Thank you for sharing your story I am really enjoying reading all these. As I have told you before, I am so happy you two have found each other, that you do have that "unique bond", and that it isn't something that has waned as time has passed.
    Posted 09-15-2014 at 03:05 PM by naughtylittlegirl naughtylittlegirl is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Wardell's Avatar
    @asslvr's.butterfly - I'm not a believer in fate, synchronicity, 'it was meant to happen', guiding spirits, etc, but sometimes something like this happens (and I have to relate this to Tink and I finding each other as well), and it makes me realise that chance plays such a huge part in our lives and sometimes we just get extraordinarily lucky.

    And, just like Happyme in her recent blog post, having your previous experiences to contrast this against has given you a perspective you might not have otherwise had, and that's a valuable thing.

    Your statement:
    'I reached out to getDare to find a Dom to just fill a space. And that is when I found Asslvr. And now ... My whole world has changed.'
    Is a perfect example of the fact that simple chance can change your life, and for the better. It's a great illustration to those people on this site and elsewhere who are looking to find their dom or sub that they should never give up, as Tink has also said in a previous blog.

    And now, here you are, you and asslvr. I've had the pleasure of one brief chat with you recently, and I know the sentiments you've expressed in this post are your true feelings, and I know from brief exchanges with him that he thinks the world of you.

    Well done to you both, keep discovering how perfect you are for each other, and don't let go....
    Posted 09-16-2014 at 12:46 AM by Wardell Wardell is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    @NLG - Thank you so much, again, for you happiness. I feel the same way towards you and Wardell.

    @Wardell - I feel the same way about fate, etc. but this is the first time in my life that I have seriously started to question this ... it is absolutely crazy and magical and wonderful.

    There is no way I will be letting go. No matter what happens to the two of us in the future, Asslvr has been an amazing Dom, friend and confidant over the past 3 months, and I will never ever forget that.
    Posted 10-03-2014 at 11:32 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
 

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