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Secure your own mask before helping others

Posted 01-04-2019 at 11:38 AM by Butterfly

There is a reason that flight attendants tell you to secure your own mask before trying to assist others. If you pass out trying to help somebody else, you aren't going to be much help.

This is a good lesson for life but one that is really hard for me!

I am a caretaker by nature. I love helping other people. I want to fix things; make it all better. I frequently put others ahead of myself.

So many times I will have just a casual conversation with people and I will say "I am always around if you need to talk". This isn't just something that I say to others. It isn't just me passing out business cards and then changing my number. I really do keep myself open to helping most people who contact me.

In the past I have put off eating dinner, spending time with my husband, not sleeping, all in order to help a friend, or even just a random person on the internet. I have put off my own self care, shoved my feelings and troubles aside, in order to help others.

I am not saying this so that people think I am a selfless person, or to feel bad for approaching me to help them.

I am saying this, because I have been struggling to learn this important lesson.

Something that I have been working on lately is saying no or not now. Prioritizing myself: my self care, my problems, my time and my energy.

It is SOOOOO hard!

Just recently I offered to be a mediator for two friends. They are in a D/s relationship and were having trouble with communicating. We formed a group chat and started to talk. We devised a plan of action and I walked them through some of the issues they were having, helping them to iron out some of the wrinkles they had run into in the past, as well as set up a plan to communicate better in the future.

I am so happy I was able to be there for them and help them. I spent lots of time talking to them individually and also all together. But it came to a point where I just couldn't do it anymore.

Normally I would have kept going. I would have put the mask on them first, and let myself pass out from lack of oxygen. However, this time i put my own mask on first. I am no use to them, or anybody else if I let myself become too worn down.

I am proud of myself for taking that step, as well as others that I have been taking, with friends and family lately. It doesn't make it easier, but it feels good!
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Runesmith's Avatar
    That's a hard decision for a giver, but a very necessary one. It is possible to give until you reach the point of breaking down. The giving doesn't come without a cost to the giver - and that's something most people on the taking end don't realize.

    Taking time for yourself, to care about yourself and regain your strength is not something to feel guilty about. If you don't keep an eye on your fuel gauge, no one else will.
    Posted 01-04-2019 at 12:24 PM by Runesmith Runesmith is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Chephren's Avatar
    A very wise counsel you give here.
    You can't look after anyone else if you are not well.
    That's also the first rule of any lifeguard, paramedic or firefighter. Look after your own safety first.
    Posted 01-04-2019 at 03:04 PM by Chephren Chephren is offline
 

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