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The Effects of Edging and Denial

Posted 03-24-2019 at 04:58 PM by Butterfly

I created a thread awhile ago asking for topic ideas for blogs. One of the suggestions that came from sissyBrittx was to discuss the the effects that edging and orgasm denial has in subs physically, mentally and emotionally.

I felt like this is something that I couldn't really comment on alone, and so I sent out some PMs asking fellow getdarians to help me give a wider view on this subject. In this blog I will share my own thoughts and feelings, but will also be providing quotes from others ...

I guess I should start by saying that I absolute love edging. It is one of my all time favorite things to do. I cum rather easily (usually in 2-3 minutes with the right stimulation). This means that I don't get a whole lot of build up usually. However, if I edge, 20-30 times before being able to cum, the orgasms are sooo much better.

On the other hand, denial is a limit of mine. Throughout the blog, I will comment on some of the reasons why that is, but anything over 1-2 days of denial (enforced denial with teasing) is a hate and should be used only for punishment purposes, and anything over 5 days would be an absolute limit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dman1212
For me edging while being denied is obviously very frustrating. When you make me edge hundreds of times and I havent came in a week it doesn't take much for me to become erect. I have alot more sexual thoughts, there is alot of precum but thats mostly while edging or soon after. The worst part of being denied is the edging part. Being denied and not edging is not nearly as bad as being denied and having to edge. By the way blue balls is definitely a real thing as well. My balls have literally ached before from being aroused too much and not being able to cum. When I am denied I am much more attentive to you and am willing to do almost anything for a chance to cum.
Dman is my edging bitch and most recently I have began to control his orgasms as well. As a Domme/Top, I really enjoy making my sub build up their frustration and then leaving them horny and desperate. I find that when I deny Dman, he becomes a lot more subby (and sometimes annoying :P). He also becomes a lot more compliant and willing to torture himself more for my amusement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kurious kat
Managing my needs and emotions when I'm in denial is some *really* tough work.

Normally, I can self-regulate pretty easily ...Unless you take away my stress-relief valves... like a good night's sleep, or a shivering, quivering orgasm. Without them, anxiety builds up, my self-control begins to fray, and I need a lot more help to handle life's ups and downs.

The longest I've ever been teased and denied is about 38 days. You'd think I'd know the exact number, but both times I tried it I lost interest in being sexual after the first 10-14 days -- so by the time it was over, I didn't really care if I orgasmed, I just didn't want to feel crappy anymore. In the beginning, it was amazing. The first few days I felt energized and eager. Stopping before orgasm left me whimpering and desperate to please. Being told "no" made me wetter as the feeling of being controlled swept over me. I don't know exactly what changed over time -- was it hormones? all the endorphins from the arousal making it hard to sleep? -- but at some point between Day 4 and Day 14, the frustration stopped feeling nice, and began to transform into unexpected surges of grumpiness and rage.
I agree with kurious kat when it comes to the feelings of grumpiness and rage. Being told "no" actually really turns me on at first. I love the thought of denial and being kept right on the edge of frustration. However, it quickly turns to a feeling of being overwhelmed with my emotions: sadness, anger, disappointment .. I feel like my inner 5 year old is going to have a tantrum at any moment, and I am constantly on the edge of having a meltdown.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kurious kat
A lot of my dislike of edging probably comes from the fact that I don't actually find calculating the degree of my arousal to be all that arousing. When someone tells me to edge, I have to steel myself to remain mentally alert as the feeling intensifies. I can't relax into the sensations. I can't let my mind wander off into fantasy. Every touch requires a calculation: Do I need to stop yet? Am I close enough yet? Is this The Edge? The longer that cycle goes on, the less responsive I become while actually doing it. Denial and/or edging over time can help arousal jump to the surface with the tiniest touch (or thought) -- but it gets harder and harder for me to sustain if there's no orgasm to follow it.

Even worse, edging before bed makes it hard for me to get to sleep quickly, and hard to stay asleep for a full night. Waking up squirming and needy feels more like self-induced insomnia than a reward for being a good sub.
I disagree with kurious kat, but that could be that orgasm control is one of my biggest kinks. So even when I am masturbating alone, the thought of being frustrated, brought to the edge over and over, it actually makes me get to the edge faster. Instead of adding stress, the thought of having to stop plays into my fantasies or works with the porn that I am watching, and actually makes me hornier.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CagedHiruzen
when I first tried denial out I hated it always being horny and at weird times such as work or just out shopping. As far as mentally after you can make it over the hornyness I would say I can focus better not being focused on my orgasm and more on doing other things, emotionally at first I thought I was going to explode from being so horny, after getting over that it just felt like a though in the back of my head, physically I feel like giving that control over takes a lot of trust and love that being said I don't feel it affected me much physically.
I am the opposite of CagedHiruzen. I can't get used to the horniness. It consumes me and is a constant distraction from everything. I can't concentrate on work, I can't get myself to fall asleep, I can't think about anything except touching, playing and cumming.

Quote:
Originally Posted by minimarshmellow
Edging and denial have an odd effect on me. Instead of making me feel more submissive, I get angry. Not just a whine and a foot stop either. I will have a full tantrum (crying, screaming, cursing, and even self injurious behaviors) if I am denied after edging. Afterwards I crash into a depressive state because of the tantrum. This roller-coaster of emotions caused by edging and denial is not worth it for me.
I feel so much for my lil mellow. For me, I just have this up and down of emotions. I might not have a physical tantrum to the same extent, but I do just have this anger and grumpiness that I can't shake. Normally I will be bratty or grumpy in a cute way, but overall a very bubbly and happy person. However, with denial, I just turn into a complete monster.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaro
I don't like edging. I wouldn't say I hate it. If I get a successful edge it makes me feel horny but also proud because I did it. Because edging is very hard for me. Almost impossible to stop at the right time. I either stop too early for fear of that most hated ruin. It happens a lot that I go over and ruin, which makes me feel so bad and ashamed and stupid that I can't even do a proper edge. I think the reason has a lot to do with how sensitive I am. Premature ejaculation is/would be a real problem for me as well and I feel ashamed because I find it un-manly.

I love denial on the other hand! At least denial when I can still touch and get myself really horny. Denial without horniness is no fun. I don't think I like being put in no-touch chastity for every long. But being able to touch and get myself all worked up and then being denied orgasm is so hot! It makes me squirm and feel submissive and controlled.
It also ensures that when I DO get that orgasm I really enjoy it. When it comes to orgasms, for me less is more. But not too less of course. Don't get any evil ideas please Miss.
I know that Jaro has struggled a lot with edging. I think he would really love the act of edging if he was better at it. But it turns into a feeling of being inadequate and letting us and himself down. The truth is, every person is different. Each of us experience these things differently. But I do think that there is a danger of a sub feeling like a failure when they are edging or even in denial. So many things can happen that you aren't in control of ... ruins, wet dreams, etc. I am always very understanding with Jaro because I know that he can't change how his body reacts. But its harder for him to get over those feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peachybaby
Though I have not had to do a lot of edging and denial recently I definitely have had my fair share. Without making this toooo long, emotionally, I feel so horny and out of my mind. On the edge feeling like if I could just have one more second I would be golden. The sad feeling of being told “no you can’t cum” is brutal. It’s almost like your heart is crushing. Physically, I feel extremely wet of course, I’m pulsing just waiting for the orgasm that might never come.... sometimes I get so exhausted from being horny if that makes sense aha! Mentally over all, if it’s someone I truly trust it just makes my heart grow fonder of course. I’m a real giddy subbie for these kinda things I love the power and control a proper dominate can have on me. I get EXTREMELY into it and mentally it puts me in almost a sub space!
I truly feel like the feeling peachy describes at the end of her quote is why so many S types love denial. It is the satisfaction of knowing that you are pleasing your Dom, that you are fully controlled, and completely at their mercy. I know as a Domme this is one of the best feelings in the world. Whether it is through orgasm denial, or other forms of control. I just wish as a sub that I could get that place rather than feeling as grumpy and overwhelmed as I do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoingMyBest
When it comes to edging, it's all about prolonging the enjoyment of it all for me. I don't want to drop out of playtime, as great as cuddles after are, and that's usually the case ... But it always needs to lead to a climax or it just feels... unfinished. Sometimes, I'll even then feel sad - in the right situation, maybe that's the intent, but usually it means something's interrupted and then play stops. I have an interest in chastity (using cages or belts instead of honour) and think that would be the way to have it long term, with releases for teasing (maybe daily or more often to keep the arousal of it) - it would make it more like a pause than a stop and the cage is a reminder the games still continue, making me frustrated (in the right ways) for more.

Usually at the edge, after I've been doing it for a while, it makes my whole body shudder. When I do eventually climax, it's often not as enjoyable as the buildup makes me believe it should be. Sometimes, I can make myself sore (or even rub the skin off) from edging for so long.because I want the climax to be the best. Lastly, if I don't get to climax, when it's all subsided, it just makes me need to pee really badly...
Although it is a bit different for woman (since we can have multiple orgasms), I feel the same as DBM when it comes to prolonging the fun. I would much prefer to edge 100 times and have 1 or 2 amazing orgasms than to rush through and have an orgasm right away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red
Edging makes me crampy and if I edge too much, it makes it harder for me to cum because my body thinks I'm just going to stop again.
It's really interesting to read about the different physical signs that people seem to experience. Physically for me, my clit throbs and aches during edging. There are times where I need to stop all stimulation because even just the lightest touch will send me over the edge, and sometimes i will even ruin accidentally which is extremely frustrating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Owlart
Denial really serves to highten that feeling of 'subbiness', knowing that someone else is in control of that most intimate feature of my life, the ability to orgasm. Just knowing that I have given her the ultimate control is (ironically) such a huge turn on. Being made to edge reinforces this, knowing that she can make me super-horny and yet still deny me the pleasure of release. Being told to edge multiple times, then having to beg to be locked up in my chastity cage once again, when every fiber was desperate for release was just amazing, it really got me into a kind of sub space. Personally, I have found that approx. 3 months is the maximum I can sustain denial before it has a detrimental effect on my mental health - whilst I can't put a finger on exactly the effect, I can become more emotional and can start to feel myself falling into a depression. It's important that such effects and limits are discussed with a Domme in advance. Another effect of denial for me is that it can make me more 'needy' for attention, so a Domme who just wishes to take my chastity cage and then "fit and forget" is not good. I need to have regular tasks, such as unlocking to edge and then locking away again, or even being given 90 secs to cum through stimulation through the cage with a cotton bud! You know it's not going to work, but that slim chance followed by the inevitable amusement for the Domme of being left crazy hard and horny really increases my enjoyment of the whole denial experience.
In the few rare circumstances that I have been denied after a play session, I find that I am also extremely needy. I need constant attention and like Owlart said, I can't be with somebody who is just going to say no and then walk away and leave me to my own devices. One of the reasons that Mr. Devious has never really tried to enforce even short term denial (even though it is one of his likes), is because the amount of care and attention that I require is not feasible with our busy lives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pet monkey
It's hard to say exactly how it affects me. I am regularly denied with occasional edges thrown in. I find the longer I'm denied the more submissive, needy (and probably annoying) I get. I do find that if I go too long without an orgasm I do start to get grumpy and frustrated and, sometimes, even pushy, trying to get iSpuds to recognize what I'm going through (and convince her that I'm anxious for that release.) Sometimes edges or playtime or even ruined orgasms, can help alleviate some of the stress, but not for long. The need does come back fairly quickly. I think most of the effects of denial on me are mental and emotional. I can't say I've noticed anything physical so I'd be interested to see how it affects others.
I agree that denial affects me much more mentally and emotionally than it does physically. The physical ache goes away after awhile if I am not constantly forced to touch, however the mental and emotional neediness is what stays more prominent.


Thank you to everybody who participated in this blog. I hope that this was helpful to shed some light on the different effects that edging and denial can have on different people. For me it really was enlightening to see how everybody handles it differently.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    MastersVoice's Avatar
    This is an amazing post. I've seen you do this before, getting others to comment and add things on your blog posts (not that I stalk your blog whatsoever hehe) but this is super informative to get so many opinions in one place and really powerful. One kink and potentially hundreds of different responses. For me this post highlights the needs for Doms/Tops to really communicate with their subs/bottoms to get the best out of them.

    Thanks for posting!
    Posted 03-24-2019 at 06:30 PM by MastersVoice MastersVoice is offline
  2. Old Comment
    CagedHiruzen's Avatar
    I had no clue so many people were a part of this and yes Doms/Tops need to communicate with their subs/bottoms to get what they need/want out of the given situation... I enjoyed reading others thoughts on the subject thank you for making the blog and including so many peoples in it.
    Posted 03-24-2019 at 06:43 PM by CagedHiruzen CagedHiruzen is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CagedHiruzen View Comment
    I had no clue so many people were a part of this and yes Doms/Tops need to communicate with their subs/bottoms to get what they need/want out of the given situation... I enjoyed reading others thoughts on the subject thank you for making the blog and including so many peoples in it.
    I wanted to have a wide selection of people: men and women with differing views. I am so stoked that so many people offered up their opinion.
    Posted 03-24-2019 at 08:17 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Peachybaby's Avatar
    Amazing post lime always xx glad I could give my input��
    Posted 03-24-2019 at 09:27 PM by Peachybaby Peachybaby is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Lemuricon's Avatar
    Amazing blog post! thank you everyone and thank you Butterfly for putting all that work in to get this together.

    For me edges are really hard, *looks at jaro*.
    Generally I think denial gets boring if not kept aware with teasing at times. But then that is true for a lot of things... interaction makes it better.
    Posted 03-25-2019 at 02:15 PM by Lemuricon Lemuricon is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Emmyred's Avatar
    This post is so interesting for me! I have recently gotten very into medium-term denial and it is now one of my loves. It used to be a huge dislike for me, but at this point in my life, that extra bit of control is really freeing for me.

    Because while Stress is the one controlling my orgasms, it really is about me. My strength. My self-control. My body. I make better choices in the rest of my life because being denied proves to me that I can handle it.

    Do I cry out when I get teased at night (sometimes sobbing real tears)? Yes. Do I beg to cum? Of course.

    But the positives I feel from denial outweigh the frustration. I eat less and have lost about 15 pounds. I am more confident in my body. My partner and I have way more sex. I wake up in the morning energized. And because my thoughts are usually focused on my clit, I actually experience less anxiety.

    That being said, I do have the potential to crash (typically around day 16-18 AND right after I cum. As much as I want to cum, I have almost come to dread it because I know I’ll crash. In the future, I hope to continue to work around that and put coping mechanisms into effect that help me handle those drops.

    Overall, it’s drfinitely interesting how differently we experience denial both physically and mentally.
    Posted 04-16-2019 at 08:07 PM by Emmyred Emmyred is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I love hearing everybody's opinion and the different effects it has on people.
    Posted 04-16-2019 at 09:26 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Emmyred's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Butterfly View Comment
    I love hearing everybody's opinion and the different effects it has on people.
    It is so interesting how our bodies react differently and can even change over time. What is fun for me is a real punishment for others.
    Posted 04-17-2019 at 05:16 AM by Emmyred Emmyred is offline
  9. Old Comment
    darkblue's Avatar
    Wonderful blog post, Butterfly. I read everything and didn't know about the variety of emotions during a denial phase and edging.
    I'm currently in such a phase exploring my new submissive world. If you like, you may read my denial diary blog. This is all quite new for me and I feel like an adventurer in an unknown world. Your blog helped a lot in finding my own way. Thank you!
    Posted 04-17-2019 at 10:27 AM by darkblue darkblue is offline
 

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