Vent sessions report (Part I)
Things have been a roller coaster of emotions in the past two weeks, two weeks of being a Sub to a wonderful Dom that has just made my year, two weeks of discovering a side of me I didn't know could bring me that much joy, two weeks that felt like I've known him for an eternity, yet, two weeks that are starting to seem way too short now.
For private reasons relating to my Dom's life we have come to a point where the continuity of our Sub-Dom dynamic is now put into question, the verdict is pending and the wait has been the most painful torture I've experienced in this journey so far. I did not expect it (nor did he I think), yes this would have come to an end one day, but I didn't expect to be hit with that now, it was really falling from a height.
To make things worse, I am faced with that ordeal in the most sensitive days of the month (cycle), so everything I'm feeling hits 5 times harder. I was heartbroken, but I feel like the word doesn't convey all the intensity of how I felt, the pain that was crushing my soul when I thought of losing him was so consuming that I couldn't stop crying for two days, my body was in pain and I wanted to throw up from how much anxiety it gave me.
I know it's a bit much for someone you've known for two weeks, but they are a couple days (PMS and first days of my period) where I'm so very prone to bad feelings and mental states. Normally that would have meant I was going to stay away from GD, not taking any sessions and just trying to focus on self-care, but I did exactly the opposite of that
My feelings were too much, I couldn't find a normal/healthy way to escape or sooth them, I was getting extremely drained and achy from all the crying, I needed it to stop, I needed my mind to go elsewhere, to stop feeling that at least temporarily, to stop looking at my screen and be submerged with tears, to stop checking my notifications so hungry for any more tiny bits of him that I can get. I needed to do something intense enough that it would drawn the pain.
To be continued...
For private reasons relating to my Dom's life we have come to a point where the continuity of our Sub-Dom dynamic is now put into question, the verdict is pending and the wait has been the most painful torture I've experienced in this journey so far. I did not expect it (nor did he I think), yes this would have come to an end one day, but I didn't expect to be hit with that now, it was really falling from a height.
To make things worse, I am faced with that ordeal in the most sensitive days of the month (cycle), so everything I'm feeling hits 5 times harder. I was heartbroken, but I feel like the word doesn't convey all the intensity of how I felt, the pain that was crushing my soul when I thought of losing him was so consuming that I couldn't stop crying for two days, my body was in pain and I wanted to throw up from how much anxiety it gave me.
I know it's a bit much for someone you've known for two weeks, but they are a couple days (PMS and first days of my period) where I'm so very prone to bad feelings and mental states. Normally that would have meant I was going to stay away from GD, not taking any sessions and just trying to focus on self-care, but I did exactly the opposite of that
My feelings were too much, I couldn't find a normal/healthy way to escape or sooth them, I was getting extremely drained and achy from all the crying, I needed it to stop, I needed my mind to go elsewhere, to stop feeling that at least temporarily, to stop looking at my screen and be submerged with tears, to stop checking my notifications so hungry for any more tiny bits of him that I can get. I needed to do something intense enough that it would drawn the pain.
To be continued...
Total Comments 0
