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New Beginnings.

Posted 01-09-2019 at 02:01 PM by IceMaiden
Updated 01-09-2019 at 02:05 PM by IceMaiden

I don't really make new year resolutions because I have learned over the years I give up on most of them by the end of January, despite my best efforts and intentions to follow them. I also started to question why I needed to make them as new year resloutions, why couldn't I better myself at any time throughout the year?

So for this coming year I do have goals and hopes but I have deliberately left them vauge enough to allow some leniency with them, whether that be because I am tired and just need a break or lack of time or illness or commitments. In the past when it was one of these reasons that prevented me from keeping my resolutions I always ended up feeling guilty and like I wasn't trying hard enough with them, because I never left myself any breathing room. I worked in a way that meant it was all or nothing and I have finally realized that isn't a way that works well for me.

So what goals do I have for this year?

1: To eat more healthily and to exercise more.

In the past I would skip the focus on this and instead focus solely on lose x llbs of weight and usually quite a large amount. And then when I didn't make it I would feel disheartened and like I had failed and I would hate myself for it, get annoyed and give up. So this year instead of making one big goal I am going to make several small goals. Instead of deciding I am going to lose a large amount of weight in one go, I am going to focus on several small goals and work slowly but steadily on each of them. No more of the "I need to lose 40llbs by x date." and then getting frustrated because it didn't happen for whatever reason. Instead I will conquer this in small chunks, such as my first goal is to lose 10llbs and allow for life getting in the way and extending my self imposed deadlines. I am almost there on this and originally had a deadline for the end of last year but then of course christmas happened and I ate out a lot and didn't find much time to exercise and so I stopped losing. I maintained, which I am happy with and that is progress already. So many times I was very unhappy when I stopped losing even if I maintained. But this time I accepting that it wasn't the best time to work on this and now I am ready to start working off those small chunks again. And I will achieve that by healthy eating and exercise and focusing on those instead of focusing only on the number on the scales.

2: Love myself more.

I am my own worst enemy. I hate the way I look, I hate the majority of my personality, I can't possibly fathom how AM can think I am beautiful. I don't understand how people can say I am a wonderful friend to them, I can't quite grasp the fact I have people in my life who will always be there for me and support me. But I have been making strides with this over the last few years and I intend to make more strides this year. Every so often I will look in the mirror and think well I look okayish, instead of immediately pointing out every flaw I have, real or imagined. And that is huge progress, considering for years I avoided looking in any mirror at all. There have been times when all I can think about myself are negative things and I am going to work on overcoming this by attempting to give myself at least one genuine compliment a week. Because of my anxiety and depression, my negative thoughts are overwhelming when they do happen and in the past I have given in to them and stopped caring for myself. I've stopped eating or ate too much, stopped looking after my personal hygiene and spent days and weeks in bed in emotional agony. I am always learning the triggers to these episodes and am doing better on avoiding them or dealing with them a little better when they do happen. A lot of the time I can avoid making it worse and force myself to look after myself so that it isn't especially bad or doesn't last for weeks at a time now. And I will keep on improving. Even if it takes me my whole lifetime!

3: Write and read more.
Not only do I enjoy both immensely, they also help so much with goal #2. Both quiet my thoughts and I have noticed when I read more I am more centered and content. When I don't find the time to do either, I start breaking down a little and so I have learned these are two of my biggest ways of coping with my anxiety and essential to my 'me' time.

4: Stop being so hard on myself.

If I screw up with something, then that is okay. I am human and I am always learning and if I screw up then it isn't the end of the world. It is simply another chance for me to do it right and even better than I would have originally!

5: Start volunteering at the local dogs home again.
Because...PUPPIES! DOGS! I enjoyed it so much when I did it. It got me out of the house, something which is rare. My anxiety didn't go into overdrive because I didn't have to deal with strangers and I love love love dogs. They are beautiful and adorable and trusting and they don't care if you hate yourself they love you anyway. What's better than puppies and dogs?!
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    AbusiveMaster's Avatar
    Quote:
    What's better than puppies and dogs?!
    You. That is all.
    Posted 01-09-2019 at 02:34 PM by AbusiveMaster AbusiveMaster is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    This is wonderful. I find that I do the same thing. If I set too strict of goals, or too big of a resolution then I just get disheartened and stop before I barely begin. This year I set goals, and then chose small specific ways that I can achieve them.

    Good luck on all your goals! I hope you can start to see the wonderfulness that we all see in you.
    Posted 01-11-2019 at 11:19 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
 

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