A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Little Shivers
I wrote a blog a little while ago about wanting to explore my little side. It is something that is really intriguing and one of my biggest curiosities as of late.
When Asslvr and I began searching for somebody to co-dom, it was mentioned in our ad that it was something we wanted to explore. Naturally, when we started our trial with AbusiveMaster and IceMaiden, it was brought up.
I have been very open about my feelings of anxiousness and nervousness surrounding exploring little play. I guess it is because it is something I force myself to fight a lot of the time. I have never really just let go. The thought of doing so makes me feel really vulnerable.
As I was sharing this with AM he was trying to settle my nerves. I told him that when I even think about it, I get so jittery I almost shake. I can feel my hands vibrating and my heart starts to race. I know it is mostly excitement but there is also a little apprehension and nervousness.
AM suggested that something that really helps is giving that feeling a name. So instead of feeling anxiousness or nervousness or fear, I instead, have "the little shivers".
This in itself really helps. It isn't this scary feeling anymore. It has a name. I don't have to describe it, or try to find words to explain it. It just is.
AM also tasked me with my first "little" assignment. That was to go to the store and pick out a coloring book. He told me to make sure it was appropriate for a little girl and that it had lots of pretty pictures of flowers and butterflies and unicorns. Most of all, he kept stressing that I have fun with it.
So after work, I went to the store. I first thought I might find something in the spring/easter section. However all I found was easter eggs and baskets and chocolate and valentine's day stuff. After 10 minutes of being distracted there and a quick detour past the glitter section, I came to the rack with coloring books.
I had every intention of finding a coloring book with flowers and butterflies and pony's, but I looked at about 10 coloring books and didn't really get excited until I came across one with sea creatures. The first page I opened had a picture of a sting ray, which is one of my favorite animals. As I continued to flip through, there was fishies and dolphins and A MERMAID!!! I could feel this bubbling excitement in me. The little shivers were happening. But also at the same time, I felt this sense of calm kind of wash over me. The rest of the world sort of melted away and I was just left with excitement and joy and anticipation.
I was imagining coloring with Icey and I couldn't wait to color her the mermaid picture. I already knew she was going to have red and purple hair! I was so excited I just had to buy it. Which actually proved difficult, because it was hard to process paying for something while I was so excited and kind of in a fuzzy mindset.
When I got back to my car. I had to take a few minutes to compose myself before I could drive and continue on with my adult activities for the rest of the night.
I still haven't had a chance to color in my new book, but I am so excited that I might get to sometime soon. Especially because I found out that my all time favorite sea creature is in there! A jelly fish!!! I can't wait!!!
When Asslvr and I began searching for somebody to co-dom, it was mentioned in our ad that it was something we wanted to explore. Naturally, when we started our trial with AbusiveMaster and IceMaiden, it was brought up.
I have been very open about my feelings of anxiousness and nervousness surrounding exploring little play. I guess it is because it is something I force myself to fight a lot of the time. I have never really just let go. The thought of doing so makes me feel really vulnerable.
As I was sharing this with AM he was trying to settle my nerves. I told him that when I even think about it, I get so jittery I almost shake. I can feel my hands vibrating and my heart starts to race. I know it is mostly excitement but there is also a little apprehension and nervousness.
AM suggested that something that really helps is giving that feeling a name. So instead of feeling anxiousness or nervousness or fear, I instead, have "the little shivers".
This in itself really helps. It isn't this scary feeling anymore. It has a name. I don't have to describe it, or try to find words to explain it. It just is.
AM also tasked me with my first "little" assignment. That was to go to the store and pick out a coloring book. He told me to make sure it was appropriate for a little girl and that it had lots of pretty pictures of flowers and butterflies and unicorns. Most of all, he kept stressing that I have fun with it.
So after work, I went to the store. I first thought I might find something in the spring/easter section. However all I found was easter eggs and baskets and chocolate and valentine's day stuff. After 10 minutes of being distracted there and a quick detour past the glitter section, I came to the rack with coloring books.
I had every intention of finding a coloring book with flowers and butterflies and pony's, but I looked at about 10 coloring books and didn't really get excited until I came across one with sea creatures. The first page I opened had a picture of a sting ray, which is one of my favorite animals. As I continued to flip through, there was fishies and dolphins and A MERMAID!!! I could feel this bubbling excitement in me. The little shivers were happening. But also at the same time, I felt this sense of calm kind of wash over me. The rest of the world sort of melted away and I was just left with excitement and joy and anticipation.
I was imagining coloring with Icey and I couldn't wait to color her the mermaid picture. I already knew she was going to have red and purple hair! I was so excited I just had to buy it. Which actually proved difficult, because it was hard to process paying for something while I was so excited and kind of in a fuzzy mindset.
When I got back to my car. I had to take a few minutes to compose myself before I could drive and continue on with my adult activities for the rest of the night.
I still haven't had a chance to color in my new book, but I am so excited that I might get to sometime soon. Especially because I found out that my all time favorite sea creature is in there! A jelly fish!!! I can't wait!!!
Total Comments 12
Comments
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I'm so glad you're exploring this!! I hope it's amazing and fun and
Posted 02-10-2017 at 11:29 AM by Bluetooth 
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I always enjoy reading your blogs but never comment. I'm so happy you're exploring your little side and having so much fun with it, along with all the other things. i hope you continue to do so xPosted 02-10-2017 at 12:51 PM by lilone
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^^I also rarely comment, but I love your blogs! I remember you mentioning that you were curious about your little side awhile back, so I'm really happy that you've begun to explore it (and congratulations on finding two wonderful people to explore it with!)
Much love <3Posted 02-10-2017 at 01:23 PM by ForeverAlways
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You are doing so amazingly well with your exploration! I was distracted with C earlier but managed to catch most of the conversation as it was happenning in the store and you did so so sooo well and I'm so proud of you ❤❤❤Posted 02-10-2017 at 05:58 PM by IceMaiden
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Thank you. And thank you for all of your help during this journey. I don't think I would have been able to do the thing I did today (not the coloring book) without watching you and Maxi interact over these past few months. It made it a little less scary.Quote:Originally Posted by Bluetooth
I'm so glad you're exploring this!! I hope it's amazing and fun andPosted 02-11-2017 at 04:19 AM by Butterfly
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Thank you lilone and FA. It means a lot to know you are both reading even if you don't comment often. It is going to be an amazing adventure and I am very excited for it.
Posted 02-11-2017 at 04:20 AM by Butterfly
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That is an awesome to do list!Quote:Originally Posted by IceMaiden
You are doing so amazingly well with your exploration! I was distracted with C earlier but managed to catch most of the conversation as it was happenning in the store and you did so so sooo well and I'm so proud of you ❤❤❤
The task from today was so much harder than buying a coloring book but I am proud of myself. I don't know how I'm going to survive using what I purchased but I am glad I did it.Posted 02-11-2017 at 04:23 AM by Butterfly
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I'm so happy for you that you are now exploring this side of you Miss! I hope you will continue to enjoy it!Posted 02-11-2017 at 05:26 AM by Jaro
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Spoiler:The second task was me buying a pacifier. I almost died. The end.
Posted 02-11-2017 at 03:31 PM by Butterfly
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I demand a full and proper report!!
Posted 02-11-2017 at 04:31 PM by Bluetooth
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That WAS the full and proper report mister!Quote:Originally Posted by Bluetooth
I demand a full and proper report!!
Posted 02-11-2017 at 04:37 PM by Butterfly
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Ohhh someone's being bratty...Posted 02-11-2017 at 04:38 PM by little pet
