A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Life happens!
Posted 02-28-2023 at 11:41 PM by Butterfly
Whether you are a casual kinkster or you live a kinky lifestyle, it is so important to remember that LIFE HAPPENS! Kink and sex should not be the most important thing ever. So many things take precedence: relationships, careers, mental health, family etc. However, it continues to be something that I see people fretting and stressing over around here ...
Threads
So many times I see threads started: add threads or request threads, that just get out of hand. Maybe the OP was only expecting a few posts or maybe the tasks given are much more extreme/extravagant than the OP expected. That can feel so overwhelming! It doesn't take much for something to get out of control.
While I can understand it being frustrating if somebody posts something asking for tasks, rules, etc. and then disappears or they don't follow through, sometimes that is necessary. LIFE HAPPENS! There is nothing holding you to the terms set in a thread. If you are overwhelmed, take a break. If a task turns out to be too much for you, amend it. If you receive more attention than you intended, put a limit or change the terms. LIFE HAPPENS!
Casual Play
When you start a casual play relationship with somebody, usually you negotiate terms together and then play. Sometimes your horny brain might be a bit more willing to agree to things than it would without the hormones racing through your body. Maybe you realize all of a sudden that the tasks given, or terms set just don't work for you. If you find yourself in over your head, take a step back, re-negotiate. I don't condone disappearing (ghosting) without communicating it to your play partner (casual or not), but if you need to take time away from playing, do it! LIFE HAPPENS!
Dynamics
Long term dynamics might come with more rules and stricter protocols. Sometimes you can get caught up in the fantasy of power exchange and kink. You might start something and realize later that it is a bit too overbearing for real life. Maybe the idea of long term denial is better than the reality, or the thought of having to wear a plug 5 times a week is hot, but in reality you just don't have the time.
Maybe your mom gets sick and you need to take a break so that you can focus on caring for her. Maybe you have a big college project coming up and the stress of that is causing you to feel overwhelmed with the rules you had set. Maybe you are just burnt out and want a break from your role in the dynamic. All of these are valid! LIFE HAPPENS!
Listen, this is supposed to be fun. Kink is the cherry on top of life. It is not the end all and be all. Your happiness and mental health matter. Communicate! Advocate for yourself! You are in control of what you do and nobody should get upset that you have to make choices that work for you. LIFE HAPPENS!
Threads
So many times I see threads started: add threads or request threads, that just get out of hand. Maybe the OP was only expecting a few posts or maybe the tasks given are much more extreme/extravagant than the OP expected. That can feel so overwhelming! It doesn't take much for something to get out of control.
While I can understand it being frustrating if somebody posts something asking for tasks, rules, etc. and then disappears or they don't follow through, sometimes that is necessary. LIFE HAPPENS! There is nothing holding you to the terms set in a thread. If you are overwhelmed, take a break. If a task turns out to be too much for you, amend it. If you receive more attention than you intended, put a limit or change the terms. LIFE HAPPENS!
Casual Play
When you start a casual play relationship with somebody, usually you negotiate terms together and then play. Sometimes your horny brain might be a bit more willing to agree to things than it would without the hormones racing through your body. Maybe you realize all of a sudden that the tasks given, or terms set just don't work for you. If you find yourself in over your head, take a step back, re-negotiate. I don't condone disappearing (ghosting) without communicating it to your play partner (casual or not), but if you need to take time away from playing, do it! LIFE HAPPENS!
Dynamics
Long term dynamics might come with more rules and stricter protocols. Sometimes you can get caught up in the fantasy of power exchange and kink. You might start something and realize later that it is a bit too overbearing for real life. Maybe the idea of long term denial is better than the reality, or the thought of having to wear a plug 5 times a week is hot, but in reality you just don't have the time.
Maybe your mom gets sick and you need to take a break so that you can focus on caring for her. Maybe you have a big college project coming up and the stress of that is causing you to feel overwhelmed with the rules you had set. Maybe you are just burnt out and want a break from your role in the dynamic. All of these are valid! LIFE HAPPENS!
Listen, this is supposed to be fun. Kink is the cherry on top of life. It is not the end all and be all. Your happiness and mental health matter. Communicate! Advocate for yourself! You are in control of what you do and nobody should get upset that you have to make choices that work for you. LIFE HAPPENS!
Total Comments 7
Comments
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I could not agree more!
I think it's so important to remember that people are more than just the kink and horniness.
There's so much happening in life that we can't control but kink is a place where we can go to escape that. It should feel like a fun and exciting but safe space.
Any dare master or Dom(me) or task giver or person who is worth their salt will completely understand if you can't do something or if you change your mind.
If it was a scene and you had a safeword you could use it, not having one because the context doesn't fit doesn't mean you don't have the power to stop, and everybody involved would rather you stop.
Kink safe and happy.Posted 03-01-2023 at 01:00 AM by Angelsaredying 
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Agree with all of this.
For a successful dynamic each person needs to understand the needs of each other. Not just now, but in the future and should be up to the Dom/Domme to ensure this is done and respected. This is what makes the difference between an average Dom/Domme and an exceptional Dom/Domme. Remember everyone is human.Posted 03-01-2023 at 03:47 AM by Come-Here
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Oh, and there's nothing wrong with having a safe word even for online interactions. Like a 'no questions asked' emergency stop button.
Posted 03-01-2023 at 03:47 AM by Come-Here
Updated 03-01-2023 at 03:50 AM by Come-Here (Duplicate post) -
Yes. Like any good game...rules are better than none. Also...the more you know the more you communicate the more fun it is. When this site "works" it is a lot of fun. "Working" takes some effort. Because it is open...there will be people who both dont put in work and still have high expectations. Hopefully, many of us can handle that with care and understanding...we were young and inexperienced once. Some people just have to be blocked. Fortunately, it can be fairly easy just to tune out the negative, block it, or simply not engage. I have had a lot of fun here...it takes work and communication. Be forgiving and kind.Posted 03-01-2023 at 08:02 AM by zephyrnem
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My last dynamic of four years went through a lot of "Life Happens" moments and we lasted 4 years! It was a dynamic I am so fond of and grateful for having. Good communication as you say, understanding and patience is key. Unfortunately it ended because "Life Happens" and when it does you just have to accept that it does. Thank you for the reminder that kink is the cherry on top and not the be all and end all
<3 x x xPosted 03-01-2023 at 02:25 PM by DeepInnerFreak
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Yes! Jaro and I take frequent breaks. If there is a long weekend, or one of us is really busy or going on vacation, we schedule break times where there will be no rules, just for us to both get a break and feel refreshed. Then we will also schedule time away whenever it is needed - if one of us is sick, or going through something. I think it is necessary to keep things working and also to keep things feeling fresh.Quote:Originally Posted by Champion4Ever
My last dynamic of four years went through a lot of "Life Happens" moments and we lasted 4 years! It was a dynamic I am so fond of and grateful for having. Good communication as you say, understanding and patience is key. Unfortunately it ended because "Life Happens" and when it does you just have to accept that it does. Thank you for the reminder that kink is the cherry on top and not the be all and end all <3 x x xPosted 03-01-2023 at 11:55 PM by Butterfly
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As always you hit the nail on the head! This is so true but it also requires good and honest communication, which so many people sadly fail at.
What also annoys me about add threads or tasks given on getDare in general is that some people will report someone for not doing the tasks. You are playing with mostly strangers here. It's not a commited relationship. Nobody is required to do anything for you.
I'm very happy you and I don't have this problem. We communicated well from the beginning and let life happen when it needs to, which is I guess why we have been playing for so long.Posted 03-02-2023 at 09:50 AM by Jaro
