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And enjoy, my fellow freaks and geeks!
And enjoy, my fellow freaks and geeks!
The emotional vomit of a struggling kitten
Faith.
I'm Christian, raised catholic. but when I was 14, I started to dabble in secret with Paganism. I felt allot of doubt in my own faith. I began to question everything.
there's a song by Hopsin, The ill mind of Hopsin 7, it very accurately captures the things i had trouble with, and still have trouble with from time to time today. everyone always said "i talk to god" and "pray and it will be answered" but i never heard his voice, i never saw any prayer being answered. i never saw all the hope people in church had. i felt a lot like he didn't care about me. didn't love me. i became pagan at 17, and stayed that way until about age 20. now, i'm 22, turning 23 in a few months, and while sometimes, i say i'm a devout follower of Christ, I'm (non denominational), i still have those same doubts often. there's a song by casting crowns, does anybody hear her, that captures really well how i feel towards the church. i don't go to church anymore, haven't really gone much since i was 18.
I want to believe in God, I want to believe that he loves me for who I am, and that he made me this way. he made me how i am, and that he loves me. I do "see his work" from time to time. the 4th of July after my little brother killed himself, i prayed while really drunk asking to see him one more time, since i didn't get to say good bye. he killed himself while i was off at college. and that night, i had a dream. it was just me and him, sitting at the kitchen table, eating corn pops, (his favorite cereal) watching Spongebob (his favorite show) like nothing ever happened. and we didn't say anything either. we just sat there, watching tv together. (im actually crying while typing this, im sorry this is really hard to talk about)
i remember waking up in tears, just thinking, "holy shit, I prayed for this, and God answered. in a way i never could have imagined" i'm very grateful for that experience. and similar things have happend since then. mostly pertaining to my little brother.
While i do believe God exists, and that he loves me, it can sometimes be hard, because i don't really "hear" him much, and the church is so avidly against everything that i am, that it makes it hard to go, or even think about going.
nevertheless, I still love God, and have decided that my purpose on this earth is to spread his kind of unconditional love. to show people that there are nice people out there, that love them just because they are human.
its kind of a flip-flop thing for me. there are days that i strongly believe he loves me, and there are days that i feel i've been abandoned by him.
well, that's enough vomit for today, i'm going to the store for food now, and to get my mind off this topic.
have a great day my fellow freaks and geeks!
I'm Christian, raised catholic. but when I was 14, I started to dabble in secret with Paganism. I felt allot of doubt in my own faith. I began to question everything.
there's a song by Hopsin, The ill mind of Hopsin 7, it very accurately captures the things i had trouble with, and still have trouble with from time to time today. everyone always said "i talk to god" and "pray and it will be answered" but i never heard his voice, i never saw any prayer being answered. i never saw all the hope people in church had. i felt a lot like he didn't care about me. didn't love me. i became pagan at 17, and stayed that way until about age 20. now, i'm 22, turning 23 in a few months, and while sometimes, i say i'm a devout follower of Christ, I'm (non denominational), i still have those same doubts often. there's a song by casting crowns, does anybody hear her, that captures really well how i feel towards the church. i don't go to church anymore, haven't really gone much since i was 18.
I want to believe in God, I want to believe that he loves me for who I am, and that he made me this way. he made me how i am, and that he loves me. I do "see his work" from time to time. the 4th of July after my little brother killed himself, i prayed while really drunk asking to see him one more time, since i didn't get to say good bye. he killed himself while i was off at college. and that night, i had a dream. it was just me and him, sitting at the kitchen table, eating corn pops, (his favorite cereal) watching Spongebob (his favorite show) like nothing ever happened. and we didn't say anything either. we just sat there, watching tv together. (im actually crying while typing this, im sorry this is really hard to talk about)
i remember waking up in tears, just thinking, "holy shit, I prayed for this, and God answered. in a way i never could have imagined" i'm very grateful for that experience. and similar things have happend since then. mostly pertaining to my little brother.
While i do believe God exists, and that he loves me, it can sometimes be hard, because i don't really "hear" him much, and the church is so avidly against everything that i am, that it makes it hard to go, or even think about going.
nevertheless, I still love God, and have decided that my purpose on this earth is to spread his kind of unconditional love. to show people that there are nice people out there, that love them just because they are human.
its kind of a flip-flop thing for me. there are days that i strongly believe he loves me, and there are days that i feel i've been abandoned by him.
well, that's enough vomit for today, i'm going to the store for food now, and to get my mind off this topic.
have a great day my fellow freaks and geeks!
Total Comments 5
Comments
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There is a difference between faith and religion. Some people say the faith is more important. Religion is more about the rituals. Anyone can have faith and be close to the higher power on their own. My father is Christian, but does not feel that going to church puts him closer. His faith with God is between him and God. My mother, however, likes going to church.
I am an atheist, but I do not try to convince others to be atheist. If you feel Good exists, perhaps you would feel better if you were to pursue it as a personal relationship between you and him and ignore what the religion (rituals) is saying. The churches are run by man and man is prone to error. Just look at how the churches have changed in their treatment of people over the years. If the religious leaders truly only acted on the voice of God, we wouldn't have sections and their treatment of people wouldn't waiver.
So, study his word and find your own way to connect with him. Per your faith, all that exists is from him. Therefore, you are from him. :-)Posted 03-26-2018 at 12:15 AM by Blue Fox 
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now that im high and can talk about deep and hard things like this...
this is kind of how i tend to look at now. that religion and faith are opposites. the ill mind 7 is what i see wrong with the faith of Christianity, and can anybody hear her is what i see wrong with the churches.Quote:Originally Posted by Ze'Rehan
There is a difference between faith and religion. Some people say the faith is more important. Religion is more about the rituals. Anyone can have faith and be close to the higher power on their own. My father is Christian, but does not feel that going to church puts him closer. His faith with God is between him and God. My mother, however, likes going to church.
I am an atheist, but I do not try to convince others to be atheist. If you feel Good exists, perhaps you would feel better if you were to pursue it as a personal relationship between you and him and ignore what the religion (rituals) is saying. The churches are run by man and man is prone to error. Just look at how the churches have changed in their treatment of people over the years. If the religious leaders truly only acted on the voice of God, we wouldn't have sections and their treatment of people wouldn't waiver.
So, study his word and find your own way to connect with him. Per your faith, all that exists is from him. Therefore, you are from him. :-)
what attracts me to the christian faith is the overall sense of unconditional love, and overall acceptance of people. as Jesus was a friend of sinners. he love all people, the way they are, no mater what.
but churches seem to always say things like, "homosexuals are going to hell!" or "if i only eat fish on Fridays, and dress in fancy clothes on Sundays, God will love me more." this believe system is asinine to me, and insulting of the real faith of Christianity.
just my thoughts.
i dunno, i'm really high right now, i hit the gravity bong like, 5 times earlier. I'm absolutely blasted. but that makes talking about deep personal things like this much easier for me. my emotions get kinda dull.Posted 03-26-2018 at 01:05 AM by Twisted Kitten
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You will find some churches (and I believe most are non-denominational) that won't attack people for being homosexual, bisexual, etc. Admittedly, they are harder to find... But they do exist. I do agree with you that the majority do seem to be contradictory in what they preach versus what they say their faith is about.
I hope that you find the peace from faith that you seek.Posted 03-26-2018 at 04:05 AM by Blue Fox
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First of all, never be sorry for getting emotional and talking about the hard things.
I personally am not religious and I am not sure if I believe in a God, but I do believe that our purpose in life is to be the best version of ourselves as we can be. To treat others as we want to be treated. I too grew up Catholic and found it to be oppressive. I actually ran away from all religion because of it and lost all faith for a long time.
I currently work in a church. I was skeptical when I went for an interview. I didn't think I would fit in and I thought that it would make me mad to be working in a place that was so judgemental. But actually I was really surprised to learn that my church became affirming a few months before I was hired. That means they can perform gay marriages. A group from the church walks in the pride parade every year. One of our sound techs is openly transgender ... And accepted!
I just purchased name tags for the church that allow you to circle your prefered pronouns.
Again, I am not sure if I have faith or believe in a God, but if you want to, just know that there are others who do that believe God is all accepting.Posted 03-26-2018 at 06:22 AM by Butterfly
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ive been told this before, but im such an emotionaly driven person that they are still hard for me to talk about, or even think about. i'm really quick to cry over him, and his 21st birthday is coming up in april. i'm going to be getting a bottle of vodka (the kind we first drank together) engraved with "I don't always drink vodka, but when i do, its my moms" since he stole it from his mom. (he wasn't a blood brother, just a friend i met in 3rd grade, we were over at each others house 24/7, we were each others rock. he was the closest friend id ever had.) so this next month is going to be really hard for me. i plan on making a blog post about him, and my plans for his would be 21st birthday. along with the a link to a few songs that remind me of him. (music is big thing that helps me through tough times.)Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
First of all, never be sorry for getting emotional and talking about the hard things.
on another note, thanks for all y'alls input, its been really helpful.Posted 03-26-2018 at 06:34 PM by Twisted Kitten
