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Clique Queen

Posted 04-05-2018 at 03:51 PM by Butterfly
Updated 06-22-2018 at 07:24 PM by Butterfly

Yesterday I was called a clique Queen. Apparently I am the head of a clique here on getDare.

What is a clique?
Quote:
A small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

Are there cliques on getDare?
Possibly. I am not going to deny that there are probably cliques on getDare. There are cliques everywhere. They really do not end in high school. There are cliques at work, in college, etc. However, the important part of the definition is that the group "does not readily allow others to join them."


I see a lot of close knit friend groups on getDare. People who joined around the same time who are good friends, people who hang out in the chat together, etc. Some of these groups may not readily accept new people, but I think a lot of them are open to talking and getting to know new people.

I know it can be intimidating, but a lot of the time, all it takes is you putting yourself in there.

Am I the clique Queen?
NO!!!! I really don't feel like I am. I try really hard to spend time with lots of different people. I try to be welcoming to new people who come into chat and want to join the conversation. I try to answer all pm's from people (unless they are demanding something from me). I try to post comments on blogs or ads that may not get a lot of attention. I love to meet new people!

Of course I have a group of people who I have come to call my friends. But a lot of the people I joined the site with are no longer around. Instead, I make new friends everyday. Some of the people I would consider my closest friends right now are people that I met in the last year. When my friends are around, I may be guilty of getting excited and talking with them, and maybe that means that others are left out momentarily, but it doesn't mean I am not including others.


What can you do?
I find that sometimes the word clique is thrown around by people who feel left out, but those people may not have tried to join in. If you are feeling left out, and not feeling like you are making any connections on getDare, maybe try some of the following:

CHAT ROOMS
* Come into chat and say "Hello".
* Try to join in on the conversation happening.
* Don't immediately post a link to your thread or ad, or shout out a random demand.
* Don't try to private chat with people right away. Try to join the public conversation and then ask before you send a private chat request.

THREADS
* Post on other peoples threads and interact with others.
* Start your own threads and make sure to post them in the correct section. Put a link in your signature.
* If you think your thread may interest another member (based on things you see they are posting on) consider messaging them and starting a conversation.

BLOGS
* Post your own blogs. Not just blogs with your likes and limits in it. Post something that introduces people to you, your thoughts around kink, something vanilla in your life, something funny, ANYTHING!
* Comment on other peoples blogs. Don't be intimidated, people post their blogs with the intention of getting comments. As long as your comment is polite and respectful, the blog writer will most likely be thrilled to see your comment. Even if it is just a "Hi, I really enjoyed your blog!".
* If there is somebody who has written something that you really relate with, send them a private message and start a conversation.

PRIVATE MESSAGES
* If you see somebody you want to get to know, send them a private message. Don't be intimidated. Most people are happy to get private messages from nice people.
* DO NOT link your thread, ask for a punishment/dare, demand something from them, or insult them. Start a conversation. Tell them why you were drawn to message them.
* Be polite.

**NOTE** Do not send a friend request without getting to know the person first.

Conclusion
I will not deny that getDare has cliques. However, I think that there is more of an appearance of cliques, than actual true cliques. Cliques, by definition, leave others out and I think most people on getDare don't leave others out intentionally.

I think that a lot of the time, new people are scared, shy or intimidated when entering a new situation where people seem to know each other and have a rapport. But honestly, you just need to put yourself out there! It could really pay off!

Don't be a wallflower! Make people notice you!!!!


I was once new to getDare. I know what it is like to see people around who are "famous" or who you may idolize and you want to join in but feel like you don't belong. The best thing I ever did was send a private message to one of those very people.

If I can do it, you can too!!!
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    nina@'s Avatar
    hmm.. my suggestion to them - make your own clique, that way you can be the queen at the centre, better than joining as a plus one in an existing clique...lol
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 04:32 PM by nina@ nina@ is offline
  2. Old Comment
    kurious kat's Avatar
    I don't see myself as cliqueish, but I definitely also fall into the trap of too many people I like being around at once sometimes. I've made some amazing friends here, and when we overlap I can run out of time to type and read things even with them, which makes keeping up with people I don't yet know even harder.

    I think the suggestions here are great ones, and are definitely things that helped me to find a place here.
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 04:44 PM by kurious kat kurious kat is offline
  3. Old Comment
    perkygirlie's Avatar
    This is great advice for how to get to know people and make friends in general, not just here on getDare.

    However, I do feel it's exclusionary to people whose kink is to send messages to strangers stating "hai im ur mastr now spank urself n send me sexypix"

    Seriously though, another good way to make friends is to use proper english. Even if English isn't your first language, using unpunctuated sentences full of abbreviations is pointless. Txt speak died when even basic phones started using predictive keyboards.

    Another hint that I use frequently is what I call "stalking" : before sending a PM to a complete stranger that you have interest in, try reading their profile, their blogs, and a few of their most recent posts. Then, talk to them about something they like (other than masturbation), or compliment them on something they've written. It shows that you have an interest in them besides wanting to give/get a quick dare.
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 05:16 PM by perkygirlie perkygirlie is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Oh, and people: note there is a difference between a PM on the site and a PM in the chat. (Some may know it as a whisper, a tell, or some other term depending upon your experience such as in gaming). PM through the site is OK. PM in chat may go ignored if you don't already know the person.
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 08:45 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ze'Rehan View Comment
    Oh, and people: note there is a difference between a PM on the site and a PM in the chat. (Some may know it as a whisper, a tell, or some other term depending upon your experience such as in gaming). PM through the site is OK. PM in chat may go ignored if you don't already know the person.
    You are right, a private chat is way different than a private message.
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 08:59 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Only mentioned because new people may not know. I know it took me a bit to figure out, myself, when I first participated in the chat room.

    Overall, great post. :-)
    Posted 04-05-2018 at 09:41 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Cstelle's Avatar
    Interesting (but entirely pointless) observation: "clique queen" may be a thing, but "clique king" just sounds wrong.

    I've never belonged to a proper clique. Please, may I join your butter clique?
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 06:10 AM by Cstelle Cstelle is offline
  8. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Very good advice. Don't jump in the center of the room, make a fuzz and cry for attention. Enter the room, step by step, show your face, say Hello and start some small talk. Keep it up, take your time, get to know some people. And come back.
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 08:16 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cstelle View Comment
    Interesting (but entirely pointless) observation: "clique queen" may be a thing, but "clique king" just sounds wrong.

    I've never belonged to a proper clique. Please, may I join your butter clique?
    It wouldn't be a clique if I allowed that ....
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 08:33 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Cstelle's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Butterfly View Comment
    It wouldn't be a clique if I allowed that ....
    I understand. I'm too... too common.
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 08:44 AM by Cstelle Cstelle is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Nice post... It's well said with lot of patience
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 10:32 AM by Tnine Tnine is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    Always nice to see posts like this that can help members find out how to use this site and 'blend in'.

    I know from my early days this place can be rather intimidating and scary at first. I too thought there were many cliques. I no longer think that, really.
    Posted 04-06-2018 at 11:04 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline
 

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