My biggest Insecurity ＆ Talking about it here

Heyo

So I thought after a while of thinking, that it is maybe helpful for me to talk/write about my "problem". After all thats what a Blog is for and since it also affects my kink-site I think it could fit on here aswell.

So to start off I never really talked to anyone about this openly before, although it is pretty easy to see for other people I believe. I am definitely not one of those people who are normally open and talk about themselves alot. Im the biggest introvert I know of all the people I've ever met.

Now to say it in a nutshell I have a Huge commitment problem.

There is almost nothing, that I will see through to the end. It doesnt matter if it is something small, like setting myself up with a workout shedule to follow every day. Up to really big decisions I make in my life like my University Major.
Most of the times I stop doing it after a few days or weeks if I can last that long.

I don't know whether it is because I am so insecure or because I maybe even have depression. The only thing I know is , that it bothers me alot and I can't seem to stop this habit, no matter how motivated I am at the start.

To put it in perspective:
I started to study Management of Georessources and stopped after just 2 weeks because I just couldnt endure going there anymore, because I was so bored.
I tried to learn the Guitar and stopped about 2 days after starting, frustrated Im not making alot of progress.
Drawing is an on off thing for me. Im often motivated and start it again, but soon enough I stop and neglect it until i feel like it again, also always because Im not happy with my progress.
I could continue this quite a while, but the point is Im always thinking I am not good enough at it and I quit due to that.
This leads to me not trying something new, because I think from the beginning I will not make it or be good at it so I dont even try.
It goes as far as me getting more and more insecure about everything.
My Body, my character and humor and generall skills.

It is also one of the main reasons I am still a virgin, and a total beginner with girls and never had a relationship. I just am not happy with my Body and everything and cant bring myself to talk to girls, because I think i would fail in the relationship and of course in bed.
Theoretically I know most people are not good when they have their first time, but I feel like I would be the worst and this + my shyness just makes me chicken out on things like this.


Well this text is probably a mess, but I just wanted to write it down like it came to my mind.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, I actually think it helped a bit to just write it down for once and get it out.