A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
The Unknown
Posted 02-13-2019 at 10:34 PM by Butterfly
The unknown is scary.
I have always struggled with the unknown.
Surprises make me antsy. Honestly I am terrified that somebody is going to try and throw me a surprise party one day! If I find out before hand, I am NOT showing up. Being truly surprised is one thing, but the anticipation and lead up to it is the worst.
I am a planner. I want to know. I want to prepare myself. But if I don't know then I can't prepare. I can't plan. I can't .... function!
I really have tried to work on being less scared about the unknown. To try and worry less about the things that I cannot control. To try and go with the flow instead of planning every step. But I still struggle.
My anxiety has been higher over the last few months due to some personal traumas that I am facing. Although I have been doing a lot better more recently.
However, there are a few things tonight that I am angsting over.
The first is rather silly, but something that is really tying my tummy up in knots. Tomorrow I am going to a Valentines Day tea at an elementary school. It is super sweet: my best friends little boy invited me as his date. I am very excited to go and I am flattered that he chose me out of all the adults he could have asked. But I have never been there before. I am going to be meeting a whole bunch of people I don't know. I don't know what to expect. I don't even like tea. It just makes me so anxious to think about.
Secondly, there is a lot of unsurity (I feel like I am making these words up) surrounding my future and the future of my family and friends. I have been working with my counselor to put these things on a separate "shelf" where they will sit until I have the information to deal with them. The fact is, I don't know if I can have a baby, I don't know how things will go if my mom moves here, I don't know if my best friend will be moving away soon .... none of these things are certain, and I have 0 control at this time. That is something that I am struggling to grasp. I hate not being in control.
The third that is causing me some anxiety and nerves is that I am currently chatting with a new dom applicant. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt butterflies talking to a potential partner. We have barely grazed the surface of the topic of kink and sexual things, yet, I find myself drawn to him. Our conversation happens very easily and naturally. We just seem to click so well together. But this scares me. It scares me that I have this feeling inside me when he is sleeping ... I miss him. But that's silly. The truth is, things haven't gone very well in my search for a Dom, and its only been a few days. I feel myself getting attached, and I know that it could all just slip away at any moment, and that scares me.
Anyways ... I am rambling. Am I alone? Does the unknown make you anxious? How do you deal with it? Cause right now I feel like somebody is sitting on my chest and they don't want to move.
I have always struggled with the unknown.
Surprises make me antsy. Honestly I am terrified that somebody is going to try and throw me a surprise party one day! If I find out before hand, I am NOT showing up. Being truly surprised is one thing, but the anticipation and lead up to it is the worst.
I am a planner. I want to know. I want to prepare myself. But if I don't know then I can't prepare. I can't plan. I can't .... function!
I really have tried to work on being less scared about the unknown. To try and worry less about the things that I cannot control. To try and go with the flow instead of planning every step. But I still struggle.
My anxiety has been higher over the last few months due to some personal traumas that I am facing. Although I have been doing a lot better more recently.
However, there are a few things tonight that I am angsting over.
The first is rather silly, but something that is really tying my tummy up in knots. Tomorrow I am going to a Valentines Day tea at an elementary school. It is super sweet: my best friends little boy invited me as his date. I am very excited to go and I am flattered that he chose me out of all the adults he could have asked. But I have never been there before. I am going to be meeting a whole bunch of people I don't know. I don't know what to expect. I don't even like tea. It just makes me so anxious to think about.
Secondly, there is a lot of unsurity (I feel like I am making these words up) surrounding my future and the future of my family and friends. I have been working with my counselor to put these things on a separate "shelf" where they will sit until I have the information to deal with them. The fact is, I don't know if I can have a baby, I don't know how things will go if my mom moves here, I don't know if my best friend will be moving away soon .... none of these things are certain, and I have 0 control at this time. That is something that I am struggling to grasp. I hate not being in control.
The third that is causing me some anxiety and nerves is that I am currently chatting with a new dom applicant. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt butterflies talking to a potential partner. We have barely grazed the surface of the topic of kink and sexual things, yet, I find myself drawn to him. Our conversation happens very easily and naturally. We just seem to click so well together. But this scares me. It scares me that I have this feeling inside me when he is sleeping ... I miss him. But that's silly. The truth is, things haven't gone very well in my search for a Dom, and its only been a few days. I feel myself getting attached, and I know that it could all just slip away at any moment, and that scares me.
Anyways ... I am rambling. Am I alone? Does the unknown make you anxious? How do you deal with it? Cause right now I feel like somebody is sitting on my chest and they don't want to move.
Total Comments 26
Comments
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And tit, which is very important.Quote:Originally Posted by Cstelle
Tea is a solution, tea is the solution. Tea is the real thing. Tea stands for truth. Tea is where it's at. Tea is the alpha and omega of "twat". (And "trout", but that doesn't quite sound as meaningful.)
And tit for tat. Which can be insightful.
Posted 02-15-2019 at 03:41 PM by Blue Fox 
