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Anxiety.

Posted 01-16-2019 at 02:00 PM by IceMaiden

I have managed to mostly control my anxiety for the last few years or at least work through it and handle it relatively well the majority of the time. That changed just before Christmas last year when I was laying in bed one night and quite by accident found a small lump in my right boob. All sorts of scenarios ran through my head that night. Because it was around Christmas time I couldn't see my doctor immediately and had to wait for a week before I was able to go into the surgery and have him check me over.

Fortunately he wasn't too worried and told me he was 99% sure the lump was harmless. However because of my age and my family history of cancer, he was referring me to a breast clinic to be 100% sure. Two days after that appointment I recieved a letter with my next appointment at the breast clinic, which is where I will be going tomorrow morning.

I am nervous. I am scared. Even with my doctor's 99% sure claim of it being harmless. While there isn't a history of breast cancer in my family, there is a history of cancer. I lost my nan to it when I was 7 and my grandma to it 4 years ago. Waiting for this appointment has stirred up a lot of negative memories. I was too young to remember much of losing my nan, but I remember everything about my Grandma's fight against it. I remember watching her slowly fade and seeing her near the end and at the end. I remember sitting with her as she passed, absolutely heartbroken. I don't want to face the same. I don't want to go through that.

Rationally, I know the chances of it being serious are slim. At least, if my doctor is good at his job, it is. I am putting a lot of trust and faith in his 99%. But that doesn't stop me wondering about the alternative. It doesn't stop me wanting to break down. It doesn't stop the fear from threatening to overwhelm me. In a little over 12 hours I will be prodded and poked while I have various tests and scans. Soon after that I will recieve the results of these tests and scans. And I am scared.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    owlart's Avatar
    Best wishes for a very positive outcome from your tests.
    Posted 01-16-2019 at 03:24 PM by owlart owlart is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Warm thoughts going your way. Hope that the doc was right. Drink some hot coco and watch a Disney movie. Might help to calm you down.
    Posted 01-16-2019 at 03:56 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Dman1212's Avatar
    Good luck, hope everything goes well!!
    Posted 01-16-2019 at 05:36 PM by Dman1212 Dman1212 is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Heart's Avatar
    ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ all the love
    Posted 01-16-2019 at 05:50 PM by Heart Heart is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    I understand how anxious you must be. That sure isn't something you want to think about.

    I wish you strength. I hope you get the results soon and I'm sure it will be okay.
    Posted 01-16-2019 at 08:50 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Matt:'s Avatar
    Totally understandable, but I'm sure everything will be okay. Wishing you the best.
    Posted 01-17-2019 at 12:20 AM by Matt: Matt: is offline
  7. Old Comment
    lilith_'s Avatar
    Sending you a trillion of hugs ❤
    Posted 01-17-2019 at 06:25 AM by lilith_ lilith_ is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Sending you all the prayers and positive thoughts!
    Posted 01-17-2019 at 11:43 AM by eivins eivins is offline
  9. Old Comment
    MarvHarvey's Avatar
    Double-wrap-around hug for you.
    No simple answers. Do what helps you feel better. Talk with friends. Dog love helps.
    Waiting is not easy, but human capacity for handling these low-but-scary risks is weird, and you are responding the way most people do.
    Posted 01-17-2019 at 01:40 PM by MarvHarvey MarvHarvey is offline
  10. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    Thank you for all the nice words <3

    The nurse who saw me is entirely certain it isn't serious but just from a bump/injury and sent me away with an appointment to check up in 8 weeks.
    Posted 01-19-2019 at 03:48 PM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
    Updated 01-19-2019 at 03:51 PM by IceMaiden
  11. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Glad to hear it.
    Let us know how the follow on goes!
    Posted 01-20-2019 at 01:29 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  12. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    I had the follow up the other day. The nurse was very happy as the lump was almost completely gone so I have been totally discharged and don't need to go back unless I feel a change again.
    Posted 03-22-2019 at 08:35 AM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Heart's Avatar
    yayyyyyyyyy love my healthy icy
    Posted 03-22-2019 at 08:47 AM by Heart Heart is offline
 

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