Old Soul

I've been called that before by my seniors. Been told I have old eyes, an old soul, that I've been through a lot. I used to think it was something to be proud of. A maturity that I carried beyond those of my year.

Of course, it's only now that I realize that price tag I never saw. The cost of being an 'old soul' is something I wish I didn't have to pay.

Ignorance is bliss is probably the truest statement I've ever heard. I miss being young. I miss being twelve and being able to sleep without nightmares. I miss the trust I had in others and myself. I miss wishing I was a allowed to stay up late instead of wishing that someone cared enough to tell me to go to sleep.

I miss believing that I was strong instead of feeling my bones shatter. I miss that confidence I had from being the tallest kid in my class. I miss the belief that I was good enough. I miss the kindness I used to have.

I miss not being tired all the time. I'm just constantly exhausted. With my actions, life, surroundings, and choices. I became an 'old soul' at twelve. God, this bitter Earth. I despise seeing the torment and hatred in my eyes. The distrust that has grown over years and years. I'm tired of seeing myself in the mirror.

It's like I'm in pieces because I break like a fever. I break like a wave.

Old soul used to be a compliment to me. I was wise and grown up. I guess I am an old soul. I've got sad eyes and a frown that never seems to leave my lips. We've all got a story to tell, is mine so different than any other teenage girl's? I think not. So, why I am the old soul? Why did I have to grow up?

I wish I had that ignorance back.