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In search of Hi Def

Posted 12-12-2015 at 07:23 PM by kittenlyss

I don't know if I'd say my growth game is strong... but I've changed. I'm not the same person who signed up after stumbling in here through a nipple clamp review. The following are labels I currently identify as and am working on defining better for myself.

submissive: Not a lot of people get to see it, but it's there. My biggest kink is control. But control is a tricky thing. Within the bounds of consent, it's amazing. Try to control me without my consent, and I might grind your bones to make my bread.

mini-sadist: I've been told that I get a special gleam in my eye when I'm being mean. I do enjoy it. But since I'm not into being on the Top side of a dynamic, it's not something I exercise terribly often.

little: For the longest time, I couldn't think of myself as a little. But thanks to the amazing pixie eivins, I realized that maybe I am.

brat: I guess my "brat" persona is really a combination of the submissive, mini-sadist, and little parts of my brain. I enjoy being irritating for the sake of being irritating, not because I'm looking for "funishment."

demisexual: Do you have a favorite movie star that you think is super hot? I can't really do that. I appreciate physical beauty, but it basically amounts to nice lines for me. I'm not attracted to someone because they're hot. I think they're hot because I'm attracted to them. I have to have a concept of someone built in my head and form some sort of relationship to then develop an attraction. (This can occasionally happen with fictional characters). There's an awesome article about demisexuals here although her experience differs from mine in that I don't really need a deep emotional connection. I also don't perceive things as sexual in accordance with the rest of the population. If you hit on me, it's entirely possible I'll just think you're being really nice. I've missed subtle hints like "You're boobs look great in that dress; I really want to squeeze them."

with responsive desire: Dr. Emily Nagoski has some awesome insights into sexuality. Her writing on responsive desire was eye-opening for me. The short version is I'm not usually excited about having sex until I'm already in the middle of having it.

__-curious?: I was taught that heterosexual monogamy (within a marriage) was the only permitted sexual expression. Right now, I don't know if I'm heterosexual (although I do know that I am attracted to men) or bi- or pansexual or heteroflexible or I don't even know what else is out there.

monopoly: I haven't figured out whether I'm more suited to monogamy or polyamory or something in between on the monopoly scale. At the moment, I suppose I fall closer to the poly end than the mono end. But I still feel potentially open to the idea of monogamy if I thought a particular relationship warranted it.

rope bunny: I like rope. The texture of it against my skin. The opportunity to try to escape. The opportunity to be held in place. To be restricted while I continue to move. When I'm able to fly. When I can just lie still and feel. The way it looks. The marks it leaves behind. The versatility of it. The creativity possible for everyone involved. The opportunity to speak without words.

kitten: I've identified with cats since I was rather young. Maybe it's because they're playful. Or maybe it's because they're obnoxious. I'm both.
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  1. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Isn't it crazy how much we can change and grow in a year? Or learn new things about ourselves everyday? You would think we know ourselves pretty good, better than anybody, but sometimes we can feel like a stranger to ourselves, or maybe that is just me. I love that you are still figuring out who you are. I couldn't label you as too many things but I can say you are wonderful and amazing and a great friend. Other labels don't matter so much to me. Although I do love your bratty side!
    Posted 12-13-2015 at 10:22 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

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