I see London, I see France, I see Matt's underpants! xD

At least you were allowed a shirt over those boobies :3

And I bet you're really glad you were allowed to wear men's underwear!

That's a rather embarrasing walk, meeting people on the way. Being asked what you are doing by the lady without having an answer must definitely have send you blushing and squirming Well done on actually managing!

amazing report! thank you for sharing!

I can't even imagine how hard this has been for you.

This is a wonderful tribute. I'm very sorry for your loss.

What a wonderful poem for an amazing human being. Sympathy with your loss, Matt.

Sending hugs right away, possibly via a big teddy bear.

Very sorry for your loss, Matt.

Sending big hugs and lots of love your way.

What a beautiful tribute ... so sorry for your loss.

There aren't simple answers with grief. You're doing the right thing by focusing on what you've had, and still have, to be grateful for in life.
Trying to find more 'right ways' moving forward will largely be by experiment, and there will be wobbles and backward steps as you go.

Grief creates a shut down to protect oneself, so above all try to keep open to the possibility of more, and better in your life. The relationship you had showed you so many wonderful and beautiful things, and you acknowledge that Sam would want you to keep going - so keep going. Learn from your time together. Who knows what else you might find?
We honour those we've lost by living as well as we can. Sometimes holding to that principle is the best we have.

On a more practical level, do keep writing, by hand if possible. Keep the basics of eating and sleeping under control, too; what you're feeling isn't just mental, it's playing out and effecting your body.

Take care.

I do feel personally a break might help you heal and develop some meaningful friendships in real life. Although if you ever feel very lonely, remember you have friends here to talk to.

Wow... I'm cursing my own life just to come here and see what misery others are in. My life is a pice of cake in comparison.

I don't know what to say. I don't think I have anything valuable to contribute. Just know that people are with you.

Matt you are a Prince of GetDare. You may not feel that but the rest of us do.

Look at the people who have responded here. Most of us have been here for years and know you. We would miss you.

So cool it a bit if you wish, especially if being here makes for bad memories, but don't drop the connection to the good memories. Maintain the links with glorious days, and with people who care.

It's a rough time for you Matt, and it didn't come at a good moment with the pandemic, if there is even such a thing as a good moment. Preferably it would have happened in 70 more years instead. Take care of yourself, we will understand either way if you decide to leave or stay. You will however be missed.

I understand why you write this blog. Sometimes it helps just to talk about things. And having someone to listen. And as you can see there are many here who will listen. I think you are a well known and respected member of getDare, just like Sam also was. I'd hate to see you leave, but I can totally understand if you do.

Needless to say I am very sorry for your loss. When you first told us about this I was genuinely shocked. But as you also realize: life goes on and you have to make the best of it. Take care, be strong, and do what feels right for you.

I wish I could give you a huge hug. You have to do what is best for you. Maybe that means a short break, or a longer hiatus. I can't imagine how hard it is to be here without her.

Also, I think you are underestimating your presence around here. You weren't just defined by Sam. You are a part of getDare. That being said, don't stay for anybody here, stay if it is the right thing for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you're still going through. Sam sounds like an amazing person, one who is dearly missed.

We'd miss you if you went away--don't doubt that. But we'd also understand.

Take care of yourself, Matt.

I am so sorry to hear about this, I came on today for the first time since July. That is awful for you. Others have said things far more eloquently, but that is shit.

I have no more than words. God bless you.

Matt... you're reaching out. I... think that's the point of your post.
Really. Ultimately.
And it's... shit. (No moith soaping me. I think I'm allowed this. )
That's the only way to describe it.
There is nothing I can say to make it better. (And you've seen I can say alot.)
But I will say this: be kind to yourself.
There's enough going on without darker thoughts turning inwards.
Give yourself time. Forgive yourself when you need to...
Then take it one day at a time.
The pm inbox is open if you need to vent.

Thanks for sharing so openly, Matt. Sorry about your loss. I miss Sam, too, but especially both of you as a couple or triage together with Lucy. Nevertheless, I was am very happy to see you posting and trying to move on as Sam would have wished. Give yourself time, Matt. You are important to us, to me, besides your posts. You are a lovely person on your own. I am very glad about your company.

Matt, I never had the pleasure of interacting with Sam but have only heard good things about her. I don’t know that there is anything I can say to lessen the pain you feel. I hope writing about it helped and there are plenty here willing to listen. GD might not be the same to you without Sam but if you left your presence here would most definitely be missed.

"There was the big leather strap around the back of my head though, I am not sure what people would think that was for if they did see... I hoped my hoodie would hide some of it."
So, something I learned a long time ago is that if people don't automatically know what they're looking at they tend to pay it no mind. Especially if you show other people respect by not like fully perving out by pinching your nipples or grabbing your crotch they have no idea you're having a special moment. Reminding myself of this fact gives me such a powerful mental freedom that makes my tasks, dares & exhibition so much more enjoyable. I hope that you have that too or that you find that as well.

"Now talking with a ball gag in, is a little difficult.... So I had to just mumble something through the gag and hope she would not notice anything was strange!"
Dude, thats freaking hilarious & hot! The rush of embarrassment in that moment is something that I find very sexy. I would have done the same thing putting it on in the car & doubt I would have given this any thought before it happened. Bare in mind too that retail workers have almost certainly seen MUCH worse & if you continue to be respectful & not shove your kinks in their faces then you get to have that sexy experience without causing anyone discomfort which is such a fantastic result.
It looks like you had fun & enjoyed yourself. Sorry for the long comment but the ball gag & the collar are both the types of things I really enjoy. Thanks for sharing!!!

I am proud of you Matt. I know how nervous you were about some of these. You did a great job, very brave!

You did very well Matt! I am impressed.