Excuse me, excuse yourself

I am guilty about not checking my mail. In different locations, sites, platforms, of several of my addresses. Often I am ashamed of that. And I wonder what people think about me, doing it. I know it from the other side, how disappointing it is if someone doesn't show up for a date. How angry it can make. Or just the most simple event: not getting a reply to a message. Or not getting a report to a dare. Or a response to a report.

But, it all doesn't help. I am not that social. I have big trouble keeping in touch with people, on my good days. On my bad days, I just can't. Maybe I lack the willpower to do it, maybe I don't want to keep in contact with that person but don't dare to honestly tell them that. Maybe I don't know. Or I lack the power to do so. Because sometimes it costs me so much power. Sometimes I just want to crawl back into bed, stay there, hide in my blanket.

So when I have my good days, and I am out, messaging people, replying, building something up, after some dire experience in my real life, I got to the point that we all are broken. And sometimes some of us break down for good. Most often not getting a response is just forgotten, or overseen. Happens by me often enough. And sometimes it's something worse.

I cannot change that I get less than 100% responses to my efforts. Way less. But it's still worth messaging people for a good reason (not spamming or stalking them). It's still good replying.

And I have an easier time excusing people who not response. I have seen so many people coming back after several months, and it makes me happy. Don't worry about having been absent. It happened and is in the past. You are here now, so let's see what we can make out of that.

On the other side, excusing myself for not responding or being absent makes it more likely for me to return and pick up what I left behind.

So please: excuse me, and excuse yourself.