A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Doing Blackmail Safely ...part 1
This blog was a collaborative effort between Icemaiden, Jaroface and myself. As some of you know, we are, all three of us, in a blackmail dynamic where Jaroface is our blackmail slave. Although we entered into this dynamic about 5 months ago, this is still new to all of us.
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Blackmail and our dyamic
Blackmail is something that you see a lot of people advertising that that they are interested in on getDare. Personally, I believe that there ARE people who are genuinely interested in blackmail, however, I think a lot of people who jump into it on this site are ACTUALLY interested in exposure. They like the fantasy of having their images or information exposed and so they enter these relationships in order to have that happen.
I also really don’t understand how people can do blackmail with a total stranger. Blackmail should NEVER be done with somebody you don’t know. At least not when you actually want to do blackmail. If indeed you simply WANT to be exposed, then that is fine (although pretty dumb imo), but then you shouldn’t call it blackmail.
I think jumping into blackmail (Or exposure) with someone you don’t know in the slightest is one of the most stupidest things that you can do. It is already edge play and SO risky, why would you want to bet on that instead of making it as safe as you can? How can you trust they are not out to immediately ruin you? You can’t!
When Jaro decided he wanted to respond to IceMaiden’s ad for a blackmail relationship, I was not really sure what to think. I knew I was not interested in blackmail at all! I wanted nothing to do with it. However, as they began to talk and I could see the level of control that was possible with a blackmail relationship, I became intrigued.
I was incredibly surprised that Jaro responded to my ad, as I was aware blackmail and pictures were limits of his and I had said I would require both of them. I think most people that know me on gD would agree I’m trustworthy and usually a pretty decent person- and that is the key factor, I think. Jaro and I had talked here and there and he knew enough of me to form an opinion that I wasn’t out to ruin him and he could trust me and he could only do that by knowing me at least a little. Can you imagine him responding to a complete stranger that asked for the same things I did? No? Exactly!
I responded because I wanted to be pushed more. I really wanted it to matter if I did something or not. But I wouldn’t do blackmail with just anyone because I really DO NOT want to be exposed. The thrill is being pushed, not the exposure itself. I responded to IceMaiden’s ad because I had seen her around, talked to her already and knew she was a good friend of Butterfly also. I was pretty sure I could trust her from the start and that trust has been growing since.
Blackmail really is about somebody having incriminating information about you and threatening to expose it if you do not do as they instruct you. In a real blackmail relationship, the materials to be released are things you genuinely do not want exposed. You are willing to do almost anything to prevent it from happening.
This is how Jaro feels.
That being said, a blackmail relationship is VERY risky. Not only do you risk ruining somebodys life if you do need to expose the material, but it is also very risky mental play. Because of this, we have to take a lot of precautions in order to make this risky form of play, as safe as it can be for all involved.
SSC and RACK should be followed absolutely with this type of play (And many other types of edgeplay, too.) But how can blackmail be consensual, you argue? That is why you need to discuss things in detail and depth and have very clear boundaries. And most importantly, you need to trust and KNOW the person will respect the boundaries you lay out for them.
Here are some of the things that we have done in our dynamic to minimize the risk:
1) We spent lots of time talking at the beginning.
Jaro and I had already been in a D/s dynamic for more than 8 months before we took this step with Icey. Although Icey was just getting to know Jaro, she knew of him through me and through his threads and blogs. Still, we spent a lot of time talking about what our goals would be and what we all wanted out of this sort of relationship.
I’ve known Butterfly for a long time now, but I only knew Jaro a little when we first started to discuss the idea of our dynamic. GD has a 9,000 character limit in PM’s and a few times I ran out of room and had to send more than one message at a time! There is no quick or easy way, you have to know everything you possibly can and also know that you will always continue to be learning.
Note: If Icey HAD been a complete stranger who was interested in exploring blackmail and Jaro was interested in seeing where things would lead, there couldn't be the expectation that things would start on day one. We put in a LOT of time talking, creating documents, negotiating, etc. before we even considered moving forward and that was WITH semi knowing each other.
2) We took safeguards with the blackmail material
Still to this day, Icey and I have not seen Jaro’s face. This surprises a lot of people. How can we blackmail him if we haven’t seen him? We have a lot of incriminating information on Jaro. We have videos of him dancing naked, we have audio of him singing and talking, we have photos of his work logo next to his plugged ass … I think we have enough information that all together it could at least cause some damage if people he knows saw. And we are still slowly building up to the information that we are asking of him.
Understandably Jaro was extremely nervous not only about sending the materials, but if we would keep them safe. I use a program that is great for hiding files and ‘removing’ it from the computer so you don’t even know it’s there unless you were looking for it already. Accidents happen, technology isn’t foolproof and you have to be as careful as you can.
I have showing my face listed as a hard limit, at least in combination with anything incriminating and I hope to really keep it that way. I always check the background of my pictures to make sure there isn’t anything more identifiable in there then there has to be. I also remove the meta data from my pictures. What I sent is still embarrassing, but I try to still make it so that it isn’t immediately identifiable. I know Miss Butterfly keeps my material on a USB stick that is locked in her home office and I keep my pictures safe as well on an external hard drive and I delete the emails that I sent.
Just because we are blackmailing him with this information, doesn't mean that it has to be full nudity, full face, all of his information given in one photo. We can still take steps to keep all of us as safe as possibly, thus eliminating some of the risk if things went wrong.
3) Blackmail process
If Jaro doesn’t obey us, the first step is something that he would hate to do. This is something that we chose that would feel like a real punishment to him. Something that even after a year of being together, I have never used on him. The second time he obeys, it is an even worse punishment. Something that I think would almost kill him (not really). And lastly, if he were to disobey us a third time, we would follow through with the blackmail and choose select pieces of information to release how we see fit.
It might seem odd to have steps before leaking of materials but I think this allows (or would, as Jaro has never disobeyed, so we haven’t had to use these steps) us to know where we can push and where we need to take a step back and reassess. Just because blackmail is a part of our dynamic does not mean we will say “Do x now, or everything is released!” Jaro’s thoughts and concerns are always listened to and weighed into our final decisions. If it ever got to the point we had to use step 1 or 2 we would know something is so far outside of Jaro’s comfort zone even with the threat of material being leaked, that we need to do something differently or reassure or encourage him.
We are far from trigger happy. Icey and I genuinely don't want to expose the materials, and Jaro genuinely doesn't want them to be exposed. However, he knows that we will if it gets to that point.
Continue on part 2 here.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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This is a really interesting setup. Thank you (all) for sharing. This sounds so very intense, so I can understand the appeal. I think if I were Jaro, I would find it very tempting to go easy on myself on those times when proof wasn't required. (But that's why I'm not Jaro!)
I'm curious what the program is that was mentioned to hide the files and remove them from the computer? (My kids are getting older and a regular hidden folder might not work for me much longer!)Posted 02-02-2018 at 05:06 AM by madl 
