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Ownership

Posted 02-15-2019 at 11:55 AM by Butterfly

I have always been fiercely independent. I needed to be. Growing up, I had adult responsibilities by the time I turned 10. I raised my newborn brother: bathed him, fed him, put him to sleep.

My mom and I moved out of my dads house when I was 16. I saw her struggle and conquer as we rebuilt a life together. We did things for ourselves. We both worked hard to provide for our family. I had to fight with her because she couldn't do it alone.

Because of this, even with my mom, I haven't really had a parental relationship. I have been in control of my life. I have had to work hard and do things for myself.

Letting others do things for me, give me gifts, help me ... even just the simple act of caring for me while I am sick or buying me a coffee have been extremely hard.

It is also safe to say that I have problems with authority ... well not people who have genuine authority (ie teachers, police, etc.) but people who exert authority where it isn't earned. For example if somebody told me I should wear a coat because it is too cold outside, I would defy them just to prove a point.

So when I first learned about BDSM and D/s relationships, it surprised me that the submissive side of things appealed to me. Giving in, submitting to somebody .... it was a foreign concept to me. Even though I was naturally shy, timid, and submissive in nature, I still held onto this fierce independence and stubbornness.

Taking that step to submit to somebody willingly, to give myself over to them was .... refreshing. It was hard! I wanted to fight it every step of the way, but when I did it the first time .... wow!

And as I continued my journey, I found that the more I trusted somebody, the more I was able to give myself to them, the better it felt. Of course, the height of this came when I found Mr. Devious. He was the first person I was able to tear down all my walls with.

However, one sticking point I have always had is that I am my own person. Nobody OWNS me. I am mine. I make my own decisions, even if that decision is to let somebody else make my decisions for a specific period of time.

I don't want to be "collared" or "owned" by anybody. I don't want to get an official slave number or permanently branded as somebody else's. Its great if you are into that, but it just isn't something I want.

On the other hand, I belong to Mr. Devious. I have given myself to him. I am HIS wife. HIS love. But he still doesn't OWN me!

Now ... the interesting part comes from the effect of hearing the word "my" from certain people. There is a huge difference between "Good morning princess" and "Good morning MY princess" or "good girl" and "MY good girl". From the right person, these words can make my body feel like they are going to explode.

It generally gives a warm, fuzzy feeling. Like being wrapped into a big hug. It give me butterflies, makes my heart beat faster ... depending on the context it might even make me tingle in certain places.

Warning though, if you aren't the right person, you might be in danger of exploding once I am done with you ...

(I kinda lost my train of thought and don't know how to end this ... so ....)
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    Huh... I have often used "my" when referring to certain friends. (Especially if I gave them a nickname.)

    However, I always viewed it as "my friend". Never as a form of authority. And they have always been cool with it.

    But then, as a submissive, I like the concept of belonging to someone.

    We are all different creatures. To each their own, comrade.
    Posted 02-15-2019 at 12:06 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blue Fox View Comment
    Huh... I have often used "my" when referring to certain friends. (Especially if I gave them a nickname.)

    However, I always viewed it as "my friend". Never as a form of authority. And they have always been cool with it.

    But then, as a submissive, I like the concept of belonging to someone.

    We are all different creatures. To each their own, comrade.
    I may not have made my point clear, I was kind of distracted by ... well adulting ... while I wrote this. I think I was trying to say that using the term "my" in front of a statement doesn't have to mean that you lose your independence or that you are "owned" by somebody. It can have all sorts of meanings, and elicit so many amazing feelings, but it doesn't have to mean ownership, and that is why it is wonderful.

    Although I do understand the emotions that come with being "owned" and why it appeals to others.
    Posted 02-15-2019 at 01:25 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Blue Fox's Avatar
    It definitely is a very wonderful and meaningful word.
    Posted 02-15-2019 at 03:43 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Jaro's Avatar
    I think I have a bit of the same. I am submissive for sure but I am also independent and want to be my own person. I can be very much set in my ways and I don't like to HAVE to do something.

    Which is really odd since at the same time I DO like you giving me orders.

    Although lately we have toned down things a bit and whereas I first really wanted to be an owned total slave, I now no longer feel that way. Like you too basically.

    So I guess I know exactly what you're talking about!
    Posted 02-15-2019 at 09:31 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline
  5. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    I can relate to this sooo much. I am stubborn, opinionated and am perfectly capable of looking after myself. But when AM says "my princess" or "my good girl" or anything with the "my" in front of it I get all warm and tingly. At first I struggled with the idea of giving control over to someone else when I first became interested in d/s but I have come a long way since then and made peace with it (probably because I have to willingly give that control in the first place.)
    Posted 02-18-2019 at 11:56 AM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
    Updated 02-18-2019 at 12:16 PM by Butterfly
 

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