221% more and better responses

I claim you are not getting nearly as many and as good replies to your messages to people as you could get, especially to potential partners in sex or life.

Inspired by a an older blog post, I like to share an actedote from my personal life:

I was about the age of 16 and with my older brother and his friends on a LAN party. For those too young to know, LAN stands for Local Area Network party, which meant everyone of us young people brought their chunky, heavy PC with equipment (we still had tube monitors, flat screens were still to come much later) and installed them in the same place, we layed a ring-cable network (which were totally troublesome in the old days) and played games multiplayer (which wasn't possible via the internet yet except for text-based online games).

Anyways, I was young, and pretty much not well educated in good manners, to take it lightly. So we got some visits from more friends just to drop by, friends of the friends, including some of their girl friends or just female friends, and despite the genders, because I was so excited to meet to people, I literally jumped up and ran towards our guests, offering a wamt hello and my hand to shake. Until someone took me aside and told me better:

"With all due respect, do you recognize what you are doing? This is not friendly, it's annoying. Give the people some space. Otherwise, they will perceive you as crazy and start avoiding you."

Likewise, on the internet, even on a site like getDare, (sex) dating sites, kink sites, we all start as strangers to each other.

If you DM any person you like a "Hello, how are you?", then you are doing pretty much that. Instead of spamming people, ruining your reputation and profile, take the time to fill your profile and take the time to take an interest into people. Read their profiles, blog entries, or posts. And when you are educated, think about why you write them. What are you hoping for. What's the sincere justification to contact them?

If there is one, by all means, go ahead and write them. Try it out. But also mention where you spotted them and what about them made you write them and not anybody else. When you approach, you should have an issue to bring forward. If not, let it be.

Check your issue before you approach with it.

1. From their perspective, not from yours, is it potentially interesting?

2. Is it something you should ask straight away or something you build up to?

3. Are your words phrasing it short and precise? You don't want to ask people to read a novel before they even know what this is all about. Don't stuff books or other lengthy texts into people's faces.

4. Are you clear about your expectations? What is the worst reply you could get? What is the best reply you could get? What is the most likely response?


And one final word for sure: you might need to spend some time here frequently first, before approaching anyone. Real interest in others takes some time. In other words, read the name sign before ringing any bells, and anything else that might be expected from you to get a glimpse with whom you are dealing with individually.