Submissives Do Have a Choice
Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:19 AM by Komodo Jones
I can't believe this actually happened last night. I've strongly urged against people not doing this when thinking of taking me on as a sub, but I never thought people are so stupid to think this. Thankfully, the person I'm talking about is not on this site but it's kind of ironic the site that he's from. Let me start with some background info.
First off, as many of you reading this know, I refer to myself as a switch, meaning I can play either the dominant or submissive role in a d/s relationship. However, I would assume (key word, assume) that like many switches I lean to one side more than the other; I lean more towards the submission side. Now one thing I say in all of my ads when I am looking for someone, especially a dominant is "If you pm me and say 'gt naked on cam 4 me now bitch' I'm going to ignore you." First off, I don't mind degradation however, just because you contact me does not give you the right to call me one because guess what submissives do have a choice of who they wish to serve. Second of all, don't use text speak. God gave us the ability to speak and think rationally, don't mutilate the English language.
If I accept someone to be my dominant and they enjoy degradation then they have a right to call me derrogatory terms, but not before I choose to submit to them.
Now here's what happened last night some guy comes on msn to me and asks me some pretty harmless question such as "What do you like to be dared" "What's your username" "Have you ever been a slave *** before. The asterisks are not a bad word it's just a word I abhor anyone calling me "boi." That's not how you spell that word. Anyway then he asks my age and location when all I know about this guy is his username and then tries to start a webcam chat with me saying "opn yr cam boi" I quickly decline his request because I don't know this guy, I haven't chose to submit to this guy, I haven't said anything to lead to the fact that I even want to have anything to do with this guy.
Then he tries a different approach asking me what am I into. Rather than telling this JERK what my likes are I stand up to him and say "Well first off I like people who can actually use the English language and properly and don't speak text as their native language, and secondly I like people who actually know what an s/m relationship is and obviously you don't fit either of those criterion."
Then he says something that really annoyed me "like you think you have a choice." WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS!? If he knew anything even an iota of what a PROPER d/s relationship is he wouldn't have said that. Like I said before submissives, dominants, switches all have a choice of who they are going to submit to or dominate. You don't even need to be in a relationship like that to know that, it's just common sense! So even though I'm more of a submissive I assert my authority in the matter I say "no of course not, I KNOW I have a choice."
Now here's the irony of this. Like I said before he asked he to get on webcam I figured out that he was not a user on getdare, he got my msn off of fetlife; Fetlife!!! Fetlife is a site for people who are into bdsm and certain kinks. Now you would think...that someone who joined that site would at least know about bdsm.
Now I'm pretty sure some people are reading and thinking "Ok, I don't see what the problem is." Here's the problem if you're a dominant, guess what even if your submissive likes objectification or human furniture or whatever they're still a human being and thus needs to be regarded as one in certain situations. If I was dominated and let's say a good friend or a relative of mine dies and I'm kind of in dire emotional condition. I would expect my dominant to view me as a human being who has feelings at this particular point in time and will give me a couple of days to recooperate (sp?) and only get back into the swing of things when I'm more emotional stable. That's what dominants should do! Dominants should care for their submissives, just as submissives should care for their dominants! It's called a d/s RELATIONSHIP and thus should be treated as one. I'm not saying a lovey-dovey relationship, because if I was dominated by a Master, I wouldn't be in love with him because I'm partially bi. I could never date or marry a man it' s not who I am.
Anyway, I think I've raised my blood pressure and ranted enough for one entry. It just gives you something to think about. If you're reading this and it stirs your heart or feelings and you feel like you need to know a little bit more about bdsm, I suggest you check out some of the wonderful posts about bdsm on this site. I specifically reccomend the ones by Lil' Angel. Until next time this is KJ saying see you around the forums.
First off, as many of you reading this know, I refer to myself as a switch, meaning I can play either the dominant or submissive role in a d/s relationship. However, I would assume (key word, assume) that like many switches I lean to one side more than the other; I lean more towards the submission side. Now one thing I say in all of my ads when I am looking for someone, especially a dominant is "If you pm me and say 'gt naked on cam 4 me now bitch' I'm going to ignore you." First off, I don't mind degradation however, just because you contact me does not give you the right to call me one because guess what submissives do have a choice of who they wish to serve. Second of all, don't use text speak. God gave us the ability to speak and think rationally, don't mutilate the English language.
If I accept someone to be my dominant and they enjoy degradation then they have a right to call me derrogatory terms, but not before I choose to submit to them.
Now here's what happened last night some guy comes on msn to me and asks me some pretty harmless question such as "What do you like to be dared" "What's your username" "Have you ever been a slave *** before. The asterisks are not a bad word it's just a word I abhor anyone calling me "boi." That's not how you spell that word. Anyway then he asks my age and location when all I know about this guy is his username and then tries to start a webcam chat with me saying "opn yr cam boi" I quickly decline his request because I don't know this guy, I haven't chose to submit to this guy, I haven't said anything to lead to the fact that I even want to have anything to do with this guy.
Then he tries a different approach asking me what am I into. Rather than telling this JERK what my likes are I stand up to him and say "Well first off I like people who can actually use the English language and properly and don't speak text as their native language, and secondly I like people who actually know what an s/m relationship is and obviously you don't fit either of those criterion."
Then he says something that really annoyed me "like you think you have a choice." WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS!? If he knew anything even an iota of what a PROPER d/s relationship is he wouldn't have said that. Like I said before submissives, dominants, switches all have a choice of who they are going to submit to or dominate. You don't even need to be in a relationship like that to know that, it's just common sense! So even though I'm more of a submissive I assert my authority in the matter I say "no of course not, I KNOW I have a choice."
Now here's the irony of this. Like I said before he asked he to get on webcam I figured out that he was not a user on getdare, he got my msn off of fetlife; Fetlife!!! Fetlife is a site for people who are into bdsm and certain kinks. Now you would think...that someone who joined that site would at least know about bdsm.
Now I'm pretty sure some people are reading and thinking "Ok, I don't see what the problem is." Here's the problem if you're a dominant, guess what even if your submissive likes objectification or human furniture or whatever they're still a human being and thus needs to be regarded as one in certain situations. If I was dominated and let's say a good friend or a relative of mine dies and I'm kind of in dire emotional condition. I would expect my dominant to view me as a human being who has feelings at this particular point in time and will give me a couple of days to recooperate (sp?) and only get back into the swing of things when I'm more emotional stable. That's what dominants should do! Dominants should care for their submissives, just as submissives should care for their dominants! It's called a d/s RELATIONSHIP and thus should be treated as one. I'm not saying a lovey-dovey relationship, because if I was dominated by a Master, I wouldn't be in love with him because I'm partially bi. I could never date or marry a man it' s not who I am.
Anyway, I think I've raised my blood pressure and ranted enough for one entry. It just gives you something to think about. If you're reading this and it stirs your heart or feelings and you feel like you need to know a little bit more about bdsm, I suggest you check out some of the wonderful posts about bdsm on this site. I specifically reccomend the ones by Lil' Angel. Until next time this is KJ saying see you around the forums.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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So, firstly you're completely right. Secondly, I don't have the first idea how to respond to that. I just wanted to assure you that someone read all of that. I felt bad that a blog that detailed had no comments. But I swear I did read it and I completely agree with everything you said.Posted 09-17-2011 at 08:55 PM by meeacaroline 
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I don't usually comment much here these days but I do still lurk. Sometimes though I feel like I should reply to posts such as this.
+1 on this blog post, you know exactly what it is about and you are correct, the subs out there do always have a choice.
I feel for the ones who submit to the first person (idiot or not) who asks them, especially without knowledge of that person.
A lot of people will say it is their own fault for rushing into it, but the truth is, some people just don't know any better.
I am happy to see that you have the sense and forethought to have seen what was happening and stop it there and then.
Very commendable.
Thanks for a great blog post, gD needs more like this
LomanPosted 09-18-2011 at 01:33 AM by Loman
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I agree with most of what you said.
First the disagree, D/S and BDSM relationships are all different. Heck D/s and BDSM participants are all different. I've known some who like and desire the type of relationship that you(and I for that matter) seek. But I've also known some who seek entirely different forms and aspects and relationships.
The same with Dominants and what they should be or do or are. Every Dom is different just as ever sub or slave are different. Some are strict and formal and others much more vanilla and relaxed and informal. But I won't get into all the various differences here. Basically "to each their own". Just because someone seeks or desires a non typical relationship without the love and care that you and I desire, it doesn't make them wrong in my opinion. just different than you or I.
As for the rest, I very much agree. Submissives SHOULD and Do all have choices. As I've told people before and will continue to do so, messaging someone on IM or even e-mailing or PMing them is no different than walking up to them at the mall or a Bar and saying hi.
If your first 3 words when doing so in public are not "get naked now" then they shouldn't be on IM either.
I am in the mindset that the Dom should come in and more or less control the conversation and such, start off on the right footing. But that said he shouldn't assume anything.
He should make sure that the conversation is even desired and then allow for the submissive to speak their mind and thoughts and allow them to learn about the Dom as well.
Sadly far too many Doms are far too selfish. They focus on them and ONLY them.
Far too many don't understand "to each their own"
They see one sub willing to submit without question and they assume that all subs MUST be like that.
Heck any sub that I see being 'collared' within even a day of meeting a Dom, I look down upon, and even worse.. subs like this make Doms even more encouraged to act as the above. because if they don't, some other Dom might jump at the bait I guess.
They act like it's fishing from a bucket. first come first serve, when in fact it is anything but.Posted 09-18-2011 at 07:33 AM by SirDraco7
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First of all, i completely agree with you, that guy was a bag of dicks. But if you are shocked that such an attitude came from FetLife... then you, sir, have not spent much time on FetLife.
I'm a member over there, and used to spend quite a lot of time on it, but the more time i spent trying to talk about d/s or m/s, the more i ran into nothing but small variations on the "One True Way" nonsense. And often it was promoted by "dominants" with exactly that sort of attitude, or worse yet, submissives who encouraged that sort of behavior by claiming that the only true submissives are the ones who submit totally 24/7. Its toxic, dangerous, friggin irritating, and i am damn glad i don't seem to run into it on this site.Posted 09-18-2011 at 01:48 PM by doubledownrob
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you will find that on every site. As I said everyone has their own expectations and opinions about everything. It depends on how many there are that agree that makes it a difficult situation or not. Enough idiots agreeing to an idiotic thing vs 1 sane person makes them right and you wrong in their eyes.
I'm sure some are here, reading this and snobbing their nose up at me for being immature, or wrong or inexperienced or not a true master or this or that. but eh. after a while you get used to it, and accept it for what it is and eventually you will no longer be bothered by them. lol in theory.Posted 09-18-2011 at 02:50 PM by SirDraco7
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Unfortunately, the guy I was talking about has found his way to this site. Not surprisingly he was banned already.Quote:Originally Posted by doubledownrob
Its toxic, dangerous, friggin irritating, and i am damn glad i don't seem to run into it on this site.Posted 09-23-2011 at 03:39 PM by Komodo Jones
