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D/s in Love ♡

Posted 12-27-2016 at 05:37 PM by Butterfly
Updated 02-08-2017 at 07:00 PM by Butterfly

Somebody recently asked me how I balance our D/s relationship with being in love. It really got me thinking, and I thought I would try to write about it a bit.


When Asslvr and I first met, we met on getDare and started to play online. We seemed to have a strong connection and a great D/s dynamic. We had daily rules, weekly routines and regular playtime, as well as lots of time to just be in contact with each other and talking about kinky and non kinky things. We talked a lot! I would say, at least 4 hours by voice a day, and also texting constantly throughout the day. It was amazing!!!


Back then I would have considered our relationship 100% D/s. Of course we were friends, and we talked about both kinky and non kinky things, but there was always the rules that I followed and he enforced. I called him “Sir” a lot of the time. And I looked at him as my Domme, my protecter.


Over time, as we began to have feelings for each other, I felt a bit of a change in our dynamic. He was a lot more protective, we also spent a lot more time just “being” together. We had movie nights and long talks and he would read to me, or listen to me fall asleep. He let some of our rules slide a bit. I didn’t need to call him “Sir” as often.


I mean, Asslvr has never been the most strict Dom, which has always worked for me. I am bratty and also a bit “little” and I like to push him, he has always been very gentle and caring with me. Don’t get me wrong, he would punish me when I deserved it (but I am a good girl and don’t usually deserve it), but he never laid down very strict rules and he was always very reasonable and understanding. Once we declared feelings for each other, I felt him shift. He became more lenient and D/s took a bit of a backseat to the other aspects of our relationship.


When I moved across the country to live with him, we took a little bit of a break from rules and our daily D/s dynamic. We focused on getting to know each other in person. We had visited a few times, but there were daily habits and quirks we needed to learn about each other. We needed to get comfortable living with each other and sharing space. We still had lots of kinky playtime. Lots of yummy kinky playtime. But it was never the same as online. It just didn’t work for us.


Over the last year and a half, we have gone through phases where I follow rules, and when I dont. We have done little challenges and games throughout our time together, but our main focus is just being an ordinary couple in love. D/s has taken a backseat for us. When we do have sex, it is rarely just vanilla sex. There is usually some aspect of D/s or kink or at least toys.


Sometimes our life gets so busy, we actually have to schedule D/s time and play time. It is sometimes hard to make it happen. But that is a part of life.


Overall, we put our real life, romantic relationship above everything else. I think that is the most important thing to do if you are going to try and balance a D/s and romantic relationship. Love should come first! But balance is the key.


When I say to put your love first, I mean that you need to make sure that even if your D/s dynamic dictates that one person is “above” the other, you are both equals in love. You need to communicate and respect each other. You need to be able to have discussions about feelings. Both parties need to feel free to participate in that discussion and express their feelings and concerns. There cannot be any fear or holding back. Decisions should be made by both parties, when they effect both of you.


Asslvr is the boss when it comes to certain aspects of our lives. For example, he sometimes controls when I get to go to the bathroom, or when I get to cum or touch. Or what I do in the bedroom. But when it comes to choosing how we should spend our money, whether we want to have children, if we want to get a pet … those are things we decide together.


All relationships also require maintenance. Asslvr and I find ourselves pretty busy these days, but it is important that we put aside a day for our D/s lives. Maybe it is an extreme day of play where I have lots of rules and must ask his permission for everything, or maybe it is just an intense play session one evening. It is also important we put aside time just to “be” together: make dinner, watch tv, cuddle, go on a date.


There has been a huge change in our dynamic since we started as a D/s couple 2.5 years ago but tt is so much more now than I ever could have imagined. I feel like D/s filled a void in my life. The constant rules and control were something that I needed at that particular time in my life, but now that I have the unconditional love and support of an amazing man in my life, I don’t need it so often. It doesn’t have to be something that is consistent, or regular. It is something that can happen sporadically or when we have time. Of course if I could change something, I would give us more time to play, but I wouldn’t change how we do things, because it is perfect and amazing and it works for us!


Of course, that is the key, this is what works for us. This may not work for others. It is also different because we are fortunate to be together in person and live together. I know a lot of people don’t find themselves in that same position as us, and I really do think that makes a big difference.


I hope this helped answer the question on how we balance our D/s relationship and our romantic relationship. If anybody has any specific questions, they can feel free to ask us directly and maybe we could answer them together in a blog.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    IceMaiden's Avatar
    I love this!

    I love the way you interact with each other and approach your romantic relationship and d/s relationship. It makes me smile.

    You're one of my favourite couples and I love your love story and wish you both all the happiness in the world <3
    Posted 12-27-2016 at 05:52 PM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline
  2. Old Comment
    The Slutty Princess's Avatar
    I second that! I love this as well!

    It is always intriguing to hear others' love stories and your story is amazing! It gives me hope that this website is more than fakes, rude/arrogant people, and underage, horny kids! That seems to be the only thing you see when you search the threads on here, that is why I enjoy reading the blogs on here. It gives this website a personal touch!

    I've been experiencing the same difficulty in my relationship but ours is slightly different than yours. We've never really experimented with BDSM until now but the lack of time makes things difficult and we have found ourselves marking certain nights down on the calendar as play date nights as well! We don't really assume roles, as in submissive and dominant in our play time, but we often play around with bondage and usually one takes control and teases the other.

    As Ice Maiden said, I wish you two nothing but absolute happiness together!

    Love,
    ~Lia
    Posted 12-27-2016 at 08:32 PM by The Slutty Princess The Slutty Princess is offline
  3. Old Comment
    SkyGD's Avatar
    Thank you for putting the time and effort into that post. I am sure it haz a answered many questions =)
    Posted 12-27-2016 at 11:16 PM by SkyGD SkyGD is offline
  4. Old Comment
    ForeverAlways's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by IceMaiden View Comment
    I love this!

    I love the way you interact with each other and approach your romantic relationship and d/s relationship. It makes me smile.

    You're one of my favourite couples and I love your love story and wish you both all the happiness in the world <3
    I third this! I couldn't have said it any better myself.
    Posted 12-27-2016 at 11:39 PM by ForeverAlways ForeverAlways is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Princess.Ashley's Avatar
    I need a button so that I can love this. Mainly I just love you, but still.
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 01:02 AM by Princess.Ashley Princess.Ashley is offline
  6. Old Comment
    BlueCookies's Avatar
    Aussiedom and I are going through a similar change in our relationship, and it's been a difficult thing to express. Think I'm going to get him to read your blog when he gets home.
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 02:21 AM by BlueCookies BlueCookies is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Sam~'s Avatar
    I loved reading how your relationship together has developed. It echo's in many ways my relationship with Matt. Which has changed beyond all I could have ever imagined when we started almost exactly a year ago now. While I've always taken it very seriously, I did just think it was going to be a bit of fun in my spare time as it were. But now it has developed into so much more. I get so excited and happy whenever we get the chance to meet up in person. If ever I want to talk about anything or if I'm down, he is the first person I want to call (and I hope it's the same for Matt) We have grown very close to each other, and now I would say the D/s relationship is secondary to our everyday relationship. (But we do still enjoy this very much!) (I hope this makes some kind of sense lol)
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 08:43 AM by Sam~ Sam~ is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by IceMaiden View Comment
    I love this!

    I love the way you interact with each other and approach your romantic relationship and d/s relationship. It makes me smile.

    You're one of my favourite couples and I love your love story and wish you both all the happiness in the world <3
    Thank you. You are so sweet. ♡

    Ps. You and AM are one of my favorite couples too. I love watching the two of you interact and it always makes me smile. I wish you both the same, so much happiness and kinky times too of course.
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 08:56 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by The Slutty Princess View Comment
    I second that! I love this as well!

    It is always intriguing to hear others' love stories and your story is amazing! It gives me hope that this website is more than fakes, rude/arrogant people, and underage, horny kids! That seems to be the only thing you see when you search the threads on here, that is why I enjoy reading the blogs on here. It gives this website a personal touch!

    I've been experiencing the same difficulty in my relationship but ours is slightly different than yours. We've never really experimented with BDSM until now but the lack of time makes things difficult and we have found ourselves marking certain nights down on the calendar as play date nights as well! We don't really assume roles, as in submissive and dominant in our play time, but we often play around with bondage and usually one takes control and teases the other.

    As Ice Maiden said, I wish you two nothing but absolute happiness together!

    Love,
    ~Lia
    That is exactly why I enjoy the blogs as well. It gets so much more personal and intimate and I love learning new things about others or helping when it is needed. I also love expressing myself and I just feel like you actually get to know people on a different level.

    As silly as scheduling playtime feels, it sometimes is needed! If we didn't schedule it, it may never happen some weeks, which is sad but missing playtime is sadder.

    I also think that assuming roles isn't really necessary. BDSM isn't all about D/s, there are many different aspects and general kinkyness and play time can be a part of that. Whatever works for you!

    Thank you for your well wishes.
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 09:01 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Princess.Ashley View Comment
    I need a button so that I can love this. Mainly I just love you, but still.
    I love you too princess. ♡
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 09:02 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BlueCookies View Comment
    Aussiedom and I are going through a similar change in our relationship, and it's been a difficult thing to express. Think I'm going to get him to read your blog when he gets home.
    Absolutely! I hope it helps. But you know I'm always here if you need anything. Send me a kik message and I'm happy to swap experiences if we can help in any way.
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 09:03 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Samishere View Comment
    I loved reading how your relationship together has developed. It echo's in many ways my relationship with Matt. Which has changed beyond all I could have ever imagined when we started almost exactly a year ago now. While I've always taken it very seriously, I did just think it was going to be a bit of fun in my spare time as it were. But now it has developed into so much more. I get so excited and happy whenever we get the chance to meet up in person. If ever I want to talk about anything or if I'm down, he is the first person I want to call (and I hope it's the same for Matt) We have grown very close to each other, and now I would say the D/s relationship is secondary to our everyday relationship. (But we do still enjoy this very much!) (I hope this makes some kind of sense lol)
    Congratulations on being together almost a year! It really is crazy how much things can change over time and how they can develop into something so unexpected! Good luck to you both!
    Posted 12-28-2016 at 09:04 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  13. Old Comment
    sir sam's Avatar
    Thanks for this really wonderfull post.
    I enjoyed reading it a lot.
    It is real nice to read how a kink-only thing ends in a life-time commitment.
    Posted 12-29-2016 at 02:00 AM by sir sam sir sam is offline
  14. Old Comment
    Mr. Devious's Avatar
    Amazing blog sweetie, I too love our transformation and I couldn't be happier with our lives together ♡
    Posted 12-29-2016 at 12:23 PM by Mr. Devious Mr. Devious is offline
  15. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sir sam View Comment
    Thanks for this really wonderfull post.
    I enjoyed reading it a lot.
    It is real nice to read how a kink-only thing ends in a life-time commitment.
    You're welcome. I glad you enjoyed it.
    Posted 12-30-2016 at 09:02 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by asslvr View Comment
    Amazing blog sweetie, I too love our transformation and I couldn't be happier with our lives together ♡
    Me neither. It has been amazing! And I can't wait to see where it leads from here.
    Posted 12-30-2016 at 09:03 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
 

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