Go Back   getDare Truth or Dare > Blogs > I love words

Welcome to getDare
Join the latest fashion of Promises.
Ever tried one of my fap roulettes?
Did you know about PM dares? A nice and gentle way to start playing here.
You can get a lot of PM dares by sending them in the PM dare bashing game.
Rate this Entry

Gender update

Posted 04-18-2020 at 10:05 AM by CSasha
Updated 04-18-2020 at 04:25 PM by CSasha

I was asked how people can avoid shutting others off who have trouble with stricly men and women seperation. It was such a nice talk.

While I usually avoid participating in threads discriminating men or women, I recently took part in this add thread. It was not only about deepthroats, my number one love fetish, but also offered something for "anyone else" than "women" and "men", plus I could add more than "men". It didn't feel perfect, but good enough.

I also took "women" and "men" as "those who identify as", what else. Any "real" women or men is a very good way to be misunderstood and enraged.

I also get along with genderplay (as in raceplay just with gender). So if you want to pretend women were superior or men, hell yeah, go for it. If you really think it was this way, I'd like you to reconsider that idea.

And also can and have to get along that not everyone is into me or my physical features. So if you want to discriminate by pussy and cocks, tits or hairy chests, a monthly bloody period, fertility as in able to give babies and impregnate, no offense taken by me at all. You might offend some women and men by that though. But I think it's just fair that everyone goes by their preferences. So if you make a diaper thread, and it's not my kink, why should I bother?

It's more the one question that enrages me which doesn't necessarily say I was right. What difference it makes for some people if a person was born with penis and balls, or with a pussy?

It's like nature handing me my cards for life. Nature says, here's what you got, make the best out of it and find a way to be happy. Play them any way you want. It's your game.

But then some people come along and give me extra rules how it's supposed to be played in their opinion. I hate that game.

I prefer a clear statement like some doctors have: if you have a prostrate, then you have a prostate, and they care for it. Similar for a womb. It doesn't matter which gender you are. Your hormon levels might, but again, that's something different. They associate certain practical consequences and relations with that. And they care that you have healthy levels and have a happy life. Sometimes that means asking you what levels above the minimum you prefer.

I wish people would more clearly state and use what they are aroused by, if they like to differ by that (or anything else if they like to differ by). I can hardly imagine any straight man being potentially aroused by any woman, however shaped, decapitated, deformed, behaving, or what not. Same for a straight woman with any man, gay man with any man, gay woman with any woman, etc.

Why don't we see people posting "long haired blondes with at least DD tits can add ...", for example? Wouldn't that sometimes be more honest? How would woman not meeting these criteria feel? Maybe that's how I somehow feel.
"Women over 5 feet /160cm height not allowed."
"Men under 6 feet /182 cm not allowed."

I had another chat today about my gender identity. It was quite friendly and helped to not have bad feelings about it but progress on finding my gender identity. Many thanks for that.

I could quite confidently state: I have to live and feel good with my gender identity, so I define it. And if anyone dares to deny that to me, I return that favor by denying them the same right. In my experience, especialy people with such an opinion are more strongly and easily offended by having their gender identity as man or woman doubted or denied.

What makes a woman a woman? What makes a man a man? Is that so easy to answer for everybody else? Do you have all the very same answers for that, or don't we talk about that in such detail to even notice the differences and conflicts between these personal definitions?

I also found, the more confident I get with my own gender identity, the less I get offended and enraged. It's a process though. Please bear with me meanwhile.

So far, I see myself as a non-woman, non-man, male and female slut, born with and currently still with cock and balls. And I want to be used and played with, too!

Hope that helped to understand more what's behind my Ten facts I wish all knew.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 5392 Comments 21
« Prev     Main     Next »
Total Comments 21

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Bdsub's Avatar
    Well written as usual. Thank you for sharing your insight on the topic
    Posted 04-18-2020 at 12:57 PM by Bdsub Bdsub is offline
  2. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Thanks for the feedback. I fear I'll try again to explain myself every once in a while. It's a journey.

    Many thanks for your attention, and for everyone who disagrees but open to talk and exchange view points, discuss answers to the questions I have, and the questions which arise from answers.
    Posted 04-18-2020 at 01:40 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Consensus's Avatar
    This resonates. Thank you.

    If it helps, my own view is that gender is distinct from genitalia and sexual or romantic preferences. It is also primarily performative and so learned. How people perform is something we learn and others judge. Online, therefore, we only really have the performance of others to go on.

    If people are offended by your online performance, that is, frankly, their issue. How else can they possibly judge the words on a screen we communicate by?

    In short and in closing, amen to you Cass!

    Miss Connie
    Xx
    Posted 04-19-2020 at 04:50 AM by Consensus Consensus is offline
  4. Old Comment
    My only issue with this is that gender is already defined as "either of two sexes". The differences between a man and a woman are clear, based on scientific facts. Gender is biology based, not sexuality based.

    How you identify is a completely different matter. But using a pre-existing definition to try and label yourself as something that you're not is wrong in my opinion.
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 07:00 AM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  5. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kemosahbee View Comment
    My only issue with this is that gender is already defined as "either of two sexes". The differences between a man and a woman are clear, based on scientific facts. Gender is biology based, not sexuality based.

    How you identify is a completely different matter. But using a pre-existing definition to try and label yourself as something that you're not is wrong in my opinion.
    Many thanks for that feedback, Kemosahbee. I think I could leave that predefined label "gender" as it is if people wouldn't draw any conclusions from it, like what I am supposed or not supposed to be or do.

    If people use it, I'd like to point out, that these biological, scientific terms are defined and suitable to deal exactly that topic in general, similar to race. When using it for individuals and especially Human society, it is abused.

    The gender concept of mammals on Earth is about male and female beings. The females contribute fewer and larger cells to reproduction, carry the offspring in their body and give birth to it, nurture and care for it until it is independent. This results in a womb and tits to give milk. The males contribute large amounts of small cells to the reproduction, fight against each other for or court for the privilege to procreate with the females. Males have a delivering device for their procreation cells to get them into the female's womb.
    Good concept for biology. Of course, as any concept, it doesn't have to fit 100% in every case. It is reliable as long as you talk about the majority.

    Scientifically, applying such a concept to an individual is plain wrong. A doctor will always check and be open if your physical features match any assumptions based on majority and act accordingly. Otherwise your health up to your very life are at risk.

    So if we could leave gender behind us, that would be great. I'd prefer not to be treated like cattle. So don't call me a man, Caucasian, or Aryian, please. There's nothing good to come out of that.
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 08:29 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
    Updated 04-20-2020 at 09:20 AM by CSasha
  6. Old Comment
    Except as far as gender is concerned that is exactly what you are (based on your other posts). I'll leave the race thing out of it because I don't know you, nor have I seen a picture of you.

    Scientifically, it is exactly correct to apply the categorization to the individual. Because that's exactly what the category describes. This is the whole point of genus or any other category.

    The larger issue is the stereotypes that come along with the distinctive genders and automatically applied to the individual. Now that I agree with is wrong. But to call one's self something other than what that individual is is also wrong.

    Spoken as an individual's belief about a philosophical topic, not meant as a personal attack.
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 02:00 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  7. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    No offense taken. I am happy about a conversation.

    It's alright to have a different standpoint, even part with it. I am looking for more insights of the reasoning behind opinions different to mine. Where it differs in detail, where we possibly overlap, and why. So thanks for all that so far.

    To be honest, I have looked up gender definition right now. While I thought there was a clearly different use of gender (all sorts of things) and sex (biological), like stated here, it seems already to be the problem that there are plenty of different definitions of gender at first sight.

    May I ask where you learned your definition of gender? Is there somewhere I can look it up?
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 02:56 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  8. Old Comment
    That article (and the movement behind it) are trying to redefine what gender means. If you just google "gender" you'll see the definition from dictionary.com

    There are also some other links which explain the difference between "gender" and "Gender identity". My point is that redefining creates confusion and isn't necessarily correct just because one wants it to be so. It's important for society and everyone in it to abide by the same rules.

    So whether you call it sex or gender or cis . . . the fact is at some point the question remains the same at that level. Again, stripping out the emotions from the facts. Emotions are valid and real, but they don't change the facts.
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 05:02 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  9. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Thank you. Do you mean this then? :
    Quote:
    either the male or female division of a species, especially as differentiated by social and cultural roles and behavior
    ?

    If you do, then how do you identify male and female by that definition?
    Posted 04-20-2020 at 10:54 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
    Updated 04-21-2020 at 12:12 AM by CSasha
  10. Old Comment
    Posted 04-21-2020 at 07:51 AM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  11. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    I am still puzzled. From my reading, these are different definitions. Please tell me your understanding. I would highly appreciate if you would give me your answers on the questions I have in regard of them.

    A male Human being called man is any Human being with

    A) all of the following traits
    B) at least one of the following traits
    C) at least X of the following traits, please specify X

    - produces small gametes called spermatozoa
    - has an X and an Y chromosome
    - have a penis
    - have a scrotum
    - have two testicles
    - having facial hair on adolescence

    How much spermatozoa has to be produced? How long has the penis to be? How much facial hair does it have to be?

    There's also these formulation which totally confuse me: "normally" and "typically"
    What do these mean? Do they mean, in most of the cases, this definition works, but there frequently are known cases in which they don't work or are not applicable?
    How do these words stand ground in regard of the Scientific method to "objectively explain the events of nature in a reproducible way", especially in regard of applying it to an individual, as you say?

    Which gender are those Human being which are not a man? Are they all female, or are they only female if they fulfill seperate conditions to be female? If yes, what gender those Human beings who are neither male nor female?

    And again, I'd like to know your reliable source of the definition you go by.

    Many thanks
    Posted 04-21-2020 at 08:58 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Let's break it down:
    has an X and an Y chromosome.

    Quote:
    How much spermatozoa has to be produced?
    Any amount of sperm.

    Quote:
    How long does the penis need to be?
    You either have a penis or you don't. Note in the results of an accident or castration, it's possible to lose your penis but still be a male.

    Quote:
    How much facial hair does it have to be
    One can still be a male without growing facial hair.

    These are all TYPICAL (having the distinctive qualities of a particular type of person or thing) characteristics, but exceptions don't form the rules.

    The scientific method would say do you have an X and Y chromosome? Then you're a male.

    Do you have a penis? Do you produce sperm? Then you're a male.

    For a female it's similarly with the 2 X chromosomes.

    And sure, it's possible to have XXY, so there's a third gender there.


    How does your definition of a female differ from this?
    Posted 04-22-2020 at 12:19 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  13. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Interesting answers. Many thanks for taking the time. It's an interesting mixture. I still don't get your exact definition (and / or for example), but I think I get a picture.

    It looks like we have a very different view on science and the scientific method, and the progressing results of Science.

    Actually, there are all kind of "exceptions" from those norm, from various genetic variants, over micropenis, infertility and hundreds of diseases. And the people with those exceptions, person by person, have a very individual view on their gender, even different within the very same type of exception.

    My definition of male and female is pretty simple: whatever you say.

    If you say you are male, then you are male. And male is whatever you say it is. If you say you are female, then you are female. And female is whatever you say it is. If it's anything else, then it's that.

    I won't check the content of your pants, your medical record, demand a gene analysis from you as a proof, or even any official document.

    It's my respect towards you that makes me accept your personal identification, from name to gender. You are the very best person able to say and frequently check if you are comfortable with it. You are the only person with the privilege to determine that.

    There are some courtesies and rules around this. For example, if you change your name or gender too often, you cannot expect everyone to follow and get along with it. Also, some names might conflict with title privileges like the official Doctor, confusion or practical issues of daily communication.

    But besides that, I won't oppose your self-determination. won't enforce another name or gender upon you than those you identify with. I won't do so even if I have a vast majority or overwhelming force. And I will defend your right of self-determination.

    In return, I expect the same respect from you towards anybody else.
    Posted 04-22-2020 at 04:35 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  14. Old Comment
    I respect people on a natural level, sure. But just because you say something doesn't make it so. I can't go into a bank and say I'm a millionaire so I expect you to treat me like that and give me some money.

    There's a difference between gender, which is clearly defined, and gender identity, which is what you're describing.
    Posted 04-22-2020 at 07:47 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  15. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    The name is exactly that. So is gender identity. The difference with your example to call yourself a millionaire are the expectations. Besides using the right words, name and gender identity come with no consequences you can expect, unless you want to be sexist by discriminating people based on their gender.

    What expectations do you have based on people's gender? Do you want to discriminate people based on their gender?
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 12:10 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  16. Old Comment
    What is this name you're referring to?

    Also define discriminate.

    I'll happily engage in conversation with anyone. But if I have preferences towards a certain gender when it comes to other things, should I not be able to state those preferences and seek that which I am looking for?

    There are also certain expectations when you ask someone about their gender. Do you find it acceptable to mislead people or lie to them by misstating the facts?
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 07:49 AM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  17. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Quote:
    What is this name you're referring to?
    I refer to name, like how you want to be called. Most of us have several names, even in real life. You have your official birth name, which can be plenty of prenames and and a surname. One of those might be selected as your official call name. But then, you can have a name your parents call you by, or maybe you give your friends a different name to call you by. Whatever suits you.
    The name, as in, how shall I / we call or adress you? As long as you don't abuse it, I / we shall call and adress you how you like.
    And of course, online, you choose your name again. You choose to keep your name, change it, or start with a new name very frequently.

    Quote:
    Also define discriminate.
    "Discrimination is the act of making an unfavourable distinction for a being based on the group, class, or category to which they are perceived to belong."

    Quote:
    ... if I have preferences towards a certain gender when it comes to other things, should I not be able to state those preferences and seek that which I am looking for?
    You have every right to choose with whom you engage, as expressed by the principle of mutual consent. Of course, you may express your preferences in less or more details. For example, you can say you are male and heterosexual, hence only interested in female. That doesn't tell in detail what you mean by female. You could imply long hair, the ability to give birth, soft skin, a weaker and shorter body than yours, significant sized and undamaged breasts, or what have you.
    What it certainly doesn't imply is your consent which any female, even if that person fits your definition. It's still your choice.

    Discrimination means you differ based on categorization. People are all different so you can still treat them differently based on their individual differences without discriminating. Only when you generelize, it becomes discrimination.

    Quote:
    There are also certain expectations when you ask someone about their gender. Do you find it acceptable to mislead people or lie to them by misstating the facts?
    I am very aware of those expectations. I have also become very aware that those expectations differ from person to person. I am not responsible nor able to satisfy other people's expectations.

    I don't find it acceptable to mislead people lie to them by misstating the facts as long as they don't ask for discriminatory reasons. For example, in Germany, if in a job interview you are asked if you are planning to have children or if you are pregnant, you are officially allowed to lie. It is based on the understanding, that this question in relation to the situation can be used to discriminate, is therefore unacceptable, and may be answered wrongly without consequences.

    I cannot recall that I wrongly answered any question about my gender, phycisal details, or anything else gender related.
    When you say 'facts', you should be aware that we might agree on plenty of facts. But where we disagree your opinion doesn't get any more legit by stating anything as fact. No offense intended, just making sure that potential misconception is out of the way.

    I have never wrongly answered anybody on a question about my gender. The thing is, most people don't ask. Most people assume.

    Whenever people call me Mistress or slut, for example, I am not sure how they perceived me so far, what they have read, and what not. Many people jump right in if you know what I mean.

    I think it's not up to me to care for other people's misconceptions, discrimative thinking, or expectations. When About anything which is important for me, anything that interests me, I have to ask. That's my responsibility.

    For example, if I assume male means you have facial hair, it's my bad if I assume and expect that you have facial hair when you told me you were male. I live with many words and schematics in language I get along with, like chair and table. They also come with possible misconceptions like four legs. And so do I go along with the words related to gender.

    If you want to make sure that the woman you are talking to was born with a vagina, I think you have to ask her. Yes, that involves asking yourself for the best timing for that, and the possibly embarrassement to come over as a jerk for asking it. But how is she supposed to know it was important for you? Why should she have to guess it might be important to you, and tell you on a wild guess? If you were born with a penis, would you go around and tell everyone? Would you tell everyone if you were fertile? Would you tell everyone if you weren't fertile? When would you tell a partner you engage with? Right at the start? Or would you tell them when the topic comes up?

    I find it highly offensive to expect people to tell everyone how they differ from any norm others might be concerned about. It's bad enough to belong to a minority, like having kinky preferences. It's unfair to ask us to tell every partner right away. We have the right to choose when to expose our differences and secrets.

    I have plenty of public blog posts and thread posts where everyone can read up about my gender and even about certain very specific physical details of my body. My profile gender has the status Unknown. I have chosen my name based on my right of self-determination.

    I don't hide everything. But I passed the unfair assumption I had to expose anything more than others for being different.

    Did that answer your questions so far?
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 10:15 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  18. Old Comment
    Where we disagree on is that gender can be called something other than it is.

    Which is true:

    "You are a male that identifies as a woman"

    Or

    "you are a woman"


    They cannot both be true.

    Your examples about facial hair and fertility are a non-starter. They are both things that are typical to that gender, but can vary within the gender. If it was a "must" that a male have facial hair and that's what you were into, then I guess you would ask.

    And sure, you don't have to disclose everything right away, but you don't have to obfuscate it either. Choosing a traditionally feminine name and using a feminine avatar also leads people to having incorrect assumptions. If you're okay setting people up for failure then I guess that's your choice. I would just prefer to know who I'm talking to instead of trying to find out if the persona presented to me is an authentic one.
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 01:12 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
  19. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Quote:
    Where we disagree on is that gender can be called something other than it is.
    It is what it is. Why should my facts on gender be anymore right or wrong than yours? You claim science, I claim science. You claim facts, I claim facts. I don't think we are getting anywhere soon on that path.

    Quote:
    "You are a male that identifies as a woman"
    Or
    "you are a woman"
    If you say "You are a male that identifies as a woman" you are already denying self-determination. You are already saying you would determine another person's gender and gender identity. Where is the difference for you between gender and gender identity? Can you make a difference without being disrespectful?

    What if I said, your gender identity was female, but you identify as a man? How would that make you feel? If you were a man, and I would call you a woman, or not a man, for whatever reasons I had, for example taking facial hair as a must-have for a man, wouldn't that be disrespectful?
    That's why I brought the name in. It's courtesy to accept the name you want to be called by, and not any name I like to use on you, ignorant of your feelings about it. And it's not any more respect to follow that courtesy but think "for me your name is dickhead".

    It's not cool to say "you can identify however you like, but you are ... for me nevertheless". Plainly disrespectful.

    I prevail my self-determination on how I call myself, what gender I am or identify with (since both is the same), what I dress, how I wear and do my hair, how I walk, talk, and how I behave. I don't let others have a say over that anymore. I have to feel alright with who I am and how I am. It's no one else's business.

    Quote:
    Choosing a traditionally feminine name and using a feminine avatar also leads people to having incorrect assumptions. If you're okay setting people up for failure then I guess that's your choice. I would just prefer to know who I'm talking to instead of trying to find out if the persona presented to me is an authentic one.
    It's one of my many online personas. If you haven't gotten it by now, then maybe it was great thing to pick up now: in the freedom of the internet, you can pick any name you like, Kemosahbee, and I would even recommend not to take your real name unless you are 100% fine with everything you do here was publicly exposed.

    I don't even assume you were male or anything. I haven't asked and it doesn't matter for our discussion unless you bring it in. You are a fine scentient being to talk and listen to. Many thanks for that so far.
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 01:43 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline
  20. Old Comment
    Oh, I've had people call me worse than a man or a woman. The difference between gender and gender identity is just that. Gender is something you cannot change, and something that you are born with. It is the natural law. Gender identity is how you choose to see yourself.

    And it's not My facts vs your facts. They're just facts, clearly defined as I've shown you.
    Posted 04-23-2020 at 03:21 PM by Kemosahbee Kemosahbee is offline
    Updated 04-23-2020 at 03:36 PM by Kemosahbee
  21. Old Comment
    CSasha's Avatar
    Did you feel good or bad when being called worse? Did it help people get along with you better?

    I am feeling attacked in my identity when you try to call and tell my gender. It feels righteous to defend myself against your expectations and demands on me to follow any gender code in behavior.

    In my perspective, it is your gender code, since it vastly differs from so many other gender codes from other people, and there is no one generally used list of precise gender codes, natural laws, scientific results, or facts. Quite the contrary, there is a strong Human history of documented change on all of these over hundreds and thousands of years.
    Posted 04-24-2020 at 12:48 AM by CSasha CSasha is offline
 

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:11 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc. - Also check out Kink Talk!reptilelaborer