Responsive Comments
I have a driving need to dissect things I don't understand. If someone has any insight and would care to explain the following, I would be much obliged.
1) Why do some feel a public announcement is necessary following a private disagreement? Someone out there has enough psych training to explain this to me.
2) Is making a public statement, but alluding to things the public is unaware of, an acknowledged manipulation tactic?
3) What is the epitome of class?
4) What precisely characterizes a strong person? Some of the strongest people I know think they are very, very weak. And I know some rather weak people who have manufactured an image of themselves that is grossly different from who they really are.
5) How do you determine if someone is stable? And how long does it take before you're certain?
6) Regarding the need for attention, at what point does it cross over from a good thing to a bad thing? I would say that contributing positively to the community is good. Wanting to share time with a partner and/of friends is good. When do you consider it too much?
7) Should we seek the approval of others? If not, should we then seek disapproval? What role does approval play in your life?
8) Truths can be painful to face. Especially if it's regarding something that is abusive and/or traumatic. Is it necessary to face all truths? What truths are you comfortable ignoring? Do you have a harder time acknowledging truths about others or about yourself?
9) Do you expect information revealed in a private discussion to stay private? If so, do you feel the need to state that? Do you allow them to share information at a later date with a future partner?
Afterall, we're all human and capable of making mistakes. But I think we also have a responsibility to understand our own faults and try our best to overcome them.
I am aware that this post may appear to mimic another recent post. That is not accidental. But this is not intended as a forum to discuss the particular shortcomings represented there. So please no attacking other members. These are just things I started wondering and I'd like to have a legitimate discussion about them.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to encourage any member who encounters abuse on the site (whether it's directed at them or not) to report it. I know there are plenty of people who feel comfortable standing up for themselves. But there are also people who have not figured out how to handle internet abuse. The more we watch out for ourselves and each other, the healthier community we have. And the more reports the mods get on infractions, the easier it is for them to fix problems.
1) Why do some feel a public announcement is necessary following a private disagreement? Someone out there has enough psych training to explain this to me.
2) Is making a public statement, but alluding to things the public is unaware of, an acknowledged manipulation tactic?
3) What is the epitome of class?
4) What precisely characterizes a strong person? Some of the strongest people I know think they are very, very weak. And I know some rather weak people who have manufactured an image of themselves that is grossly different from who they really are.
5) How do you determine if someone is stable? And how long does it take before you're certain?
6) Regarding the need for attention, at what point does it cross over from a good thing to a bad thing? I would say that contributing positively to the community is good. Wanting to share time with a partner and/of friends is good. When do you consider it too much?
7) Should we seek the approval of others? If not, should we then seek disapproval? What role does approval play in your life?
8) Truths can be painful to face. Especially if it's regarding something that is abusive and/or traumatic. Is it necessary to face all truths? What truths are you comfortable ignoring? Do you have a harder time acknowledging truths about others or about yourself?
9) Do you expect information revealed in a private discussion to stay private? If so, do you feel the need to state that? Do you allow them to share information at a later date with a future partner?
Afterall, we're all human and capable of making mistakes. But I think we also have a responsibility to understand our own faults and try our best to overcome them.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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1) Why do some feel a public announcement is necessary following a private disagreement? Someone out there has enough psych training to explain this to me.
Because they're attention starved buttholes, I think? They thrive on comments. Which is why they should be ignored in the first place! Don't feed the trolls! They die or leave if they don't get sustenance!
2) Is making a public statement, but alluding to things the public is unaware of, an acknowledged manipulation tactic?
I'd say it is! You don't let the public hear all the info, so they can only make an opinion based on facts that work in your favor.
3) What is the epitome of class?
Staying quiet if you've got nothing positive to say.
4) What precisely characterizes a strong person? Some of the strongest people I know think they are very, very weak. And I know some rather weak people who have manufactured an image of themselves that is grossly different from who they really are.
I think it's being yourself, and feeling comfortable being yourself. If you feel bad about yourself, you can try to make yourself look better, but people can see through that. If you have shortcomings, and you can talk about those freely and admit you're not perfect, that's a lot stronger. It doesn't matter that you've got shortcomings, but admitting them shows that you're comfortable about who you are despite your faults.
5) How do you determine if someone is stable? And how long does it take before you're certain?
Some people are good at seeing through them, others are more naive. I think it's got to do with experience! If you've met unstable people before, it will be easier to pick them out in the future.
6) Regarding the need for attention, at what point does it cross over from a good thing to a bad thing? I would say that contributing positively to the community is good. Wanting to share time with a partner and/of friends is good. When do you consider it too much?
When it becomes an obsession. Or when it's always negative attention, tipping over into drama all the time. There are those who want all attention, positive or negative. And they'll keep going until they get it!
7) Should we seek the approval of others? If not, should we then seek disapproval? What role does approval play in your life?
Approval is nice, if it's from the people you love, and that are close to you. Approval from strangers? I don't see how I need it! It can be hard to shut that off, but why should you care what others think?
I'd like to think I seek approval from my friends and relatives, and only sometimes publicly. I won't shame myself publicly, even though I technically shouldn't care.
8) Truths can be painful to face. Especially if it's regarding something that is abusive and/or traumatic. Is it necessary to face all truths? What truths are you comfortable ignoring? Do you have a harder time acknowledging truths about others or about yourself?
I don't think it's necessary to face all truths! Why would you confront things you don't like, when they aren't important to the rest of your life? There are those you need to face, but not all of them!
9) Do you expect information revealed in a private discussion to stay private? If so, do you feel the need to state that? Do you allow them to share information at a later date with a future partner?
Private information must stay private! You don't go and, to name just a random example, post a public blog and tell about someone else's medical background that you learned about privately. Stuff like that, you know? Stop and really think about that.
I fully support your views about reporting abuse when you see it happening on these forums!Posted 07-10-2015 at 05:27 AM by drwarschauu 
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Good questions with some very good answers.Posted 07-10-2015 at 09:35 AM by MasterDaddy02
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Thank you for your response!
1) It goes against my nature to ignore the trolls, but in this case I will try to hold strong.
2) I'm glad we're able to agree on that. I like to be able to identify specific manipulative tactics so that I will recognize them later. It makes me feel better to be able to label it instead of just knowing it gives me an icky feeling.
3) I think another good thing that the classiest people do is always being willing to lend a hand or step in if they see someone who could use it. I know I'm far from the best, but it's something I think about and I think it's a good standard to aspire to. And goes back to what you were saying about staying quiet unless you have something positive to say. If you're going to contribute, you should make sure it's an improvement!
4) That's a really good point! cue bragging moment Almost is one of the best people I know. He's completely awesome. I'm not saying we never have disagreements. But if he does something that bothers me, he'll have an honest discussion with me about it and apologize and we work on how we can move past it. I only wish that I were able to be as humble.
5) It is easier to spot them once you've already had a few! And a few people around the interwebz have written handy dandy "how to spot a predator" type guides. They won't eliminate your problems, naturally. But every little bit helps, right? I also thought it was interesting when I friend of mine mentioned that his crazy threshold is 2 years. If he's made it 2 years into a committed relationship with someone, he figures they're most likely not (too) insane (to live with).
6) Attention can be like a drug! I've noticed that it is fun to be in the limelight once in a while. A little heady. But I don't think I'll ever understand the need some have to constantly seek it out.
7) I do think we should want approval from certain people. But I think it becomes an issue when we're relying on that approval to validate who we are.
8) So I read something really interesting in a book* I just started. I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that holding your worries and fears and troubles in can eat at you and erode your health. But a study found that writing about emotional upheavals in a healthy way that helps you move through it can improve your physical health. But I'd also like to add that most professionals recommend approaching trauma slowly and that it's ok to push it aside until you feel ready to deal with it.
*I just started the Secret Life of Pronouns. I think you and Lizzy would both like it.
9) So I think that 90% of what I say and do in privacy should remain between the participants. I've experienced what I guess we could call non-consensual humiliation play several times in the vanilla world. But I think we have a really long way to go before consent is fully understood as a necessity for things outside of sex. We're still working on the sex bit. But I don't expect everything that happens to stay just between us forever either. For instance, I understand if they feel the need to share details with a primary partner. But I do think that's something that is sometimes neglected as a discussion point during negotiations.
I also found a quote I think you'll appreciate...
"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept" - Bill WattersonPosted 07-10-2015 at 11:29 AM by kittenlyss
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I love it when you post. I miss getting to comment on each other's blogs
1) I agree with Dwarf, it's attention based - it's a 'oh, poor me' response that belies a lack of maturity and respect.
2) Again, attention. It's somewhat entertaining when people post 'private' things to public forums, such as all these blogs, and act like it's their personal journal and they can post what they like because they have a right to...and yet at the same time are almost surprised when people remind them that it's a public forum and anyone can read it, thus negating the privacy elements.
3)
I really would like to post that on someone else's blogs, but they've blocked me, so alas I cannot. And in my defense, I'm pretty sure we all know whom I was alluding to there.
4) I love what Dwarf wrote! I have found that the stronger the person, the more they build other people up. Not to say they don't have bad days or times when they need others, but most of the time they are focusing on the positive, they are giving out the best of themselves, and they avoid speaking poorly of others even when it would be entirely true. They don't need to complain and whine and cry in order to feel fulfilled. They are fulfilled in living their life in the best way they can. And I agree with your statement too; it takes an incredible amount of strength to give yourself to someone through D/s, from either side, to trust someone to the extent that you give or take control. I have found so many admirably strong people just from observing the really solid couples on this site. I love your faces.
5) I think there can be red flags. Certainly flying off the handle when someone rubs them the wrong way and bitching about the person in blogs such that they reveal personal information is one that recently made my list.
6) Hehe, I actually have been pondering more and more that...I might be a bit of an attention whore. I really wish there was a better term for that. But I do love getting attention sometimes; I love it when someone messages me, or posts something random on my wall; I love getting to chat with people. And I hope I keep myself reigned in enough that I am indulging in good attention and that I am giving people all the attention and love and random gifs they deserve, and not just taking. I also am trying to ensure that I do not post things (and I've deleted a few blog drafts I had in queue because of this) just because I want attention, when it's probably better to seek people's respect by posting something better. So I think it's too much when it becomes self-focused and one is using it to feed into themselves, rather than just reveling in the mutual attention giving-getting between friends and partners and pets and little green men and whomever.
7) Yes and no. I think that this is something we need to filter, and consider what the person's qualifications are when they give approval or disapproval. I think it's probably a clue when 87 different people are saying, gee, that was an awful thing you did there. At the same time, I think it's important to know yourself and, while still being considerate of others and respectful at all times, do what you know to be right, not just follow a crowd.
8) Why are you asking such hard questions?!? I think eventually, yes, all truths should be faced. One of my favourite quotations is 'the longer you run from reality the harder it will bitch-slap you when it catches up.' I think to genuinely live fully and well, it's best to face truths and deal with things. That being said, I also believe there is a time and a place and a method to deal with certain things that ought to be considered carefully. It's good to be surrounded by people you trust and who will call you out on your BS and tell you the truths you can't see. We all have blind spots, and I am so grateful to the people who, tactfully, will tell me when I'm out of line or need to back off or whatever. I want to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday, and I can't do that by burying my head in the sand and blaming everyone else for whatever has befallen me. I'd rather be responsible and actually get shit done and live a better life than be whiny and constantly angry and dissatisfied - but yes, it is harder to acknowledge truths about myself, and sometimes I have to wear myself down quite a bit to get to that point. And now I'm rambling...
9) If we are good friends, that can be discerned from the context. If we are playmates (and it's the same with my Dom, but I have never ever had this be an issue with Wardell), then I absolutely expect them to keep private things private, whether we are still playing or not, whether we hate each other's guts or not. At the very least I expect it to be anonymous, and for them to not try to manipulate or shame me based on something I told them in confidence. If someone is not worthy of my trust, then they sure as fuck are not worthy of my submission. Certain things I would say yes, share with your partner; I don't want someone to keep secrets from someone they are that close to on my behalf. But I definitely expect that should Wardell and I not be together someday that he isn't going to write some very personal things about me and post them on a public blog on getDare. And I know he would never, because he takes domination seriously and is fucking adult who doesn't tolerate that crap.Posted 07-10-2015 at 12:46 PM by naughtylittlegirl
