Things I miss from D/s and tasks
I haven't blogged in forever, so I'm sure to many of you, I'm a complete stranger. But to those who know me well, know that I used to post on a quite regular basis.
So, why did I stop blogging? Primarily because I ended all online D/s relationships, along with all online play. So I've had nothing to blog about. This blog is just to get out my thoughts... and perhaps to show my boyfriend in the near future. Not to change anything necessarily, but just so he knows how I'm feeling.
I ended online D/s relationships for a couple reasons. The primary one, is that I felt fulfilled in my current relationship. It was fairly new at the time, and I wanted to give it a real shot. My previous relationship, while it never would have actually worked out, getDare was a catalyst in it, because I kept it a secret from my ex. And after I told him about it, I explicitly said that I wasn't going to give up online play.
Before starting my current relationship, I showed my boyfriend my getDare account, and told him it was a large part of me and I had no intentions on giving it up. He was okay with that, but after a few months into our relationship, even though he didn't say much, I could tell that it bothered him a bit.
And as I said, I wanted to give it a real shot. So I ended all my d/s relationships, and was content in my current vanilla one.
I still am for the most part, but there are times when I crave for my orgasms to be controlled. While I HATE corner time, or being punished in any real capacity, I miss having the possibility of it.
I miss having fun tasks from Dravot (and some not so fun ones
), Shadow, SDK, Gin (even though he's no where to be seen anymore), and others. I miss having to ask to cum.... and the chance for whoever I ask to say no.
My boyfriend and I tried a little bit of mild D/s... mainly to please me. He had no interest, but did in fact give it a real shot. At first, he was completely uncomfortable with it, but became more open. However, I could tell he didn't enjoy it at all... and was only doing it for my pleasure. Which that is incredibly sweet of him to try, but as I imagine most subs feel.... if we aren't bringing enjoyment to our doms.. it defeats the purpose and is not appealing to us to keep it going.
My boyfriend does understand my fantasies, and is kind enough to play into them while I'm getting off. For instance, I'll ask how often I deserve to cum, or how much corner time I deserve, etc... and he plays along. But when I ask if I may cum... he ALWAYS says yes. Haha. Not that I don't like cumming of course!!! But it would be 'fun' for me to get a no occasionally.
Of course, being in a vanilla relationship, I'm not restricted on cumming in any capacity... and the above is ONLY fantasy, and it is understood that anything said in that time is not actually going to happen.
I'm not really sure what I want. I AM happy in my relationship. I have the most sweet, caring, understanding, comforting, and genuine boyfriend, who I have every intention of marrying someday. He's my best friend, and I'm so thankful to have him in my life.
But there are times where I would like to message former 'playmates' on here for a task or two, or go a week or so following someones rules for me. I don't want an actual D/s relationship, as I'd probably end up fantasizing about my dom (I still occasionally fantasize about my former Master, lol...), which I'm pretty sure I've told my boyfriend this.
And I miss having such tasks to blog about. While I loved the tasks more, and pleasing the people who gave them to me, I also greatly enjoyed blogging about them and sharing with others. Knowing I would blog about a task, was extra motivation to do it well to the best of my ability. It's as if I let everyone who reads hold me accountable to an extent.
So yea, those are my thoughts. A bit rambled I'm sure, but I just wanted to get it out, with no restraints on where I allowed my thoughts to go. And generally, after blogging, I edit it several times, because I think that certain things fit better in a different order, but for this time.. I'm just going to leave it as is, and not worry about that.
So, why did I stop blogging? Primarily because I ended all online D/s relationships, along with all online play. So I've had nothing to blog about. This blog is just to get out my thoughts... and perhaps to show my boyfriend in the near future. Not to change anything necessarily, but just so he knows how I'm feeling.
I ended online D/s relationships for a couple reasons. The primary one, is that I felt fulfilled in my current relationship. It was fairly new at the time, and I wanted to give it a real shot. My previous relationship, while it never would have actually worked out, getDare was a catalyst in it, because I kept it a secret from my ex. And after I told him about it, I explicitly said that I wasn't going to give up online play.
Before starting my current relationship, I showed my boyfriend my getDare account, and told him it was a large part of me and I had no intentions on giving it up. He was okay with that, but after a few months into our relationship, even though he didn't say much, I could tell that it bothered him a bit.
And as I said, I wanted to give it a real shot. So I ended all my d/s relationships, and was content in my current vanilla one.
I still am for the most part, but there are times when I crave for my orgasms to be controlled. While I HATE corner time, or being punished in any real capacity, I miss having the possibility of it.
I miss having fun tasks from Dravot (and some not so fun ones
), Shadow, SDK, Gin (even though he's no where to be seen anymore), and others. I miss having to ask to cum.... and the chance for whoever I ask to say no.My boyfriend and I tried a little bit of mild D/s... mainly to please me. He had no interest, but did in fact give it a real shot. At first, he was completely uncomfortable with it, but became more open. However, I could tell he didn't enjoy it at all... and was only doing it for my pleasure. Which that is incredibly sweet of him to try, but as I imagine most subs feel.... if we aren't bringing enjoyment to our doms.. it defeats the purpose and is not appealing to us to keep it going.
My boyfriend does understand my fantasies, and is kind enough to play into them while I'm getting off. For instance, I'll ask how often I deserve to cum, or how much corner time I deserve, etc... and he plays along. But when I ask if I may cum... he ALWAYS says yes. Haha. Not that I don't like cumming of course!!! But it would be 'fun' for me to get a no occasionally.
Of course, being in a vanilla relationship, I'm not restricted on cumming in any capacity... and the above is ONLY fantasy, and it is understood that anything said in that time is not actually going to happen.
I'm not really sure what I want. I AM happy in my relationship. I have the most sweet, caring, understanding, comforting, and genuine boyfriend, who I have every intention of marrying someday. He's my best friend, and I'm so thankful to have him in my life.
But there are times where I would like to message former 'playmates' on here for a task or two, or go a week or so following someones rules for me. I don't want an actual D/s relationship, as I'd probably end up fantasizing about my dom (I still occasionally fantasize about my former Master, lol...), which I'm pretty sure I've told my boyfriend this.
And I miss having such tasks to blog about. While I loved the tasks more, and pleasing the people who gave them to me, I also greatly enjoyed blogging about them and sharing with others. Knowing I would blog about a task, was extra motivation to do it well to the best of my ability. It's as if I let everyone who reads hold me accountable to an extent.
So yea, those are my thoughts. A bit rambled I'm sure, but I just wanted to get it out, with no restraints on where I allowed my thoughts to go. And generally, after blogging, I edit it several times, because I think that certain things fit better in a different order, but for this time.. I'm just going to leave it as is, and not worry about that.
Total Comments 15
Comments
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Wow, Rose (I'm one of the relative newbies here, so I haven't met you before) - that's a really bittersweet story.
The fulfilment of a loving vanilla relationship, but the ache of the lost opportunities to scratch your D/s itch. I don't for a moment pretend to have any answer to your dilemma (if you indeed consider it a dilemma as such), but give you the moral support of a stranger who sympathises.
I dunno... maybe you should strike a compromise deal with your boyfriend that allows you to go online when the itch gets so bad you feel you just have to scratch it, but stay away in vanilla land for the rest of the time. The idea being it frees you to devote yourself to him without distraction by occasionally satisfying that itch he can't scratch for you.
There... that was very little use at all, so now I'll slip away quietly.Posted 09-10-2014 at 07:25 AM by Wardell 
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@Wardell (not that there is anyone else to respond to right now) Hi, I'm Rose. Nice to meet you! While 'little use' as you say, the comments/ thoughts are still appreciated. And I've definitely considered the same 'compromise deal' you mentioned
@ everyone else who may comment: I'm not looking for advice or suggestions on how to compromise with my boyfriend. Like I mentioned, I will probably show this to him, and then talk to him from there. I know that it's my responsibility to communicate with my boyfriend! Communication is key to any relationship! I just wanted to first get my unrestrained thoughts out, before I approach him about the topic myself.
But of course, any thoughts/ comments are appreciated.Posted 09-10-2014 at 07:41 AM by Rose_Angel
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I think I appeared here when you sort of disappeared or only went to lurking. Maybe a bit later. I think i can understand your struggle quite good. I have not experienced exactly that but i see your points. I really hope you two can sort that out so that both of you are happy. Good luck from me and I really enjoyed your blogs from the past. You write wonderful reports.
Sweetea out ~Posted 09-10-2014 at 08:28 AM by SweetTeen
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Hello Rose!
I'm also somewhat new but I totally understand what you are going through. It's that feeling of everything being just almost perfect. So teasingly close to being content, but that faint itch just will not allow peace.
I know the last thing you want is advice. All I wanted to say is that in my experiance with this, it wont go away on it's own. And the longer it is burried, the more it festers.
For me, it was a matter of facing myself, realizing once and for all if the issue was something I truly needed to be happy and live a content life.
After that question is answered, everything else is just a matter of courage.Posted 09-10-2014 at 12:46 PM by Ransom6626
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Hi Rose! I just mainly wanted to drop a note to say that I enjoyed reading your blog, and also, I like your face. Also it sounds like no matter what the outcome is, you will have approached it with grace and intelligence, which can only lead to the best outcome anyway. I am sending you good thoughts!Posted 09-10-2014 at 02:46 PM by Happy Me
Updated 09-10-2014 at 03:04 PM by Happy Me -
Rose, I haven't talked to you in forever and while I didn't know you for very long you are definitely an amazing person!
I admire you so much for being so open in your current relationship and I really hope that everything works out for the best and you end up really happy (:Posted 09-10-2014 at 03:53 PM by **Mandi**
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Hi Rose, excellent post, thanks for sharing your thoughts and current state of mind. I feel so very fortunate. My wife is also into the scene, but we recognize that we don't fit perfectly together when it comes to our fantasies. For this reason, we have agreed to allow each other to 'play' with others. There are some rules, no secrets, no sexual contact for me without her direction, etc... but generally we are allowed to 'play' to fulfill the needs that we cannot comfortably do for each other.
If you feel this part of your life is something that you really need rather than just a desire, I hope that you and your boyfriend can find a way to satisfy that need, however that might be done.
Either way, I wish you the best, you always seemed like a fun person, from what I read. Hopefully you'll be around more at some point so that I can get to know you!Posted 09-10-2014 at 03:53 PM by Alexis Rune
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I like all your faces!
And yea, I guess I want some chocolate frosting on my vanilla cake... (I've kept up on blogs lately!)
I'm quite certain my itch for occasional submission isn't a need. It's something I simply desire as a way to have a little fun. I have so many toys I no longer use.. cause there isn't much a point to use them without the pleasure of someone else to me. haha.
I don't think I'm going to share the blog with him, as it is really best to just talk in person, and now that I've got my feelings out, and have had more time to think about it since posting this morning, I feel pretty comfortable in talking to him.
Thanks everyone, for all the kind words. It is well appreciated!Posted 09-10-2014 at 07:10 PM by Rose_Angel
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I've tried not revealing my D/s to the guy I've been dating and we're not even serious about each other, but I still haven't managed to keep myself from bringing a few things up. I imagine I will eventually meet a guy I'd be willing to give it up for. But I think it will also be rather difficult for me. Thank you for this window into what's possible. And I hope your talk goes well.Posted 09-10-2014 at 09:00 PM by kittenlyss
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Hi! I am relatively new as well, and just wanted to introduce myself and say nice to meet you.
I have actually been in a very similar position as you. I won't give you any advice as I know that this post wasn't about that, and you are intelligent and intuitive and will make a decision on your own that will be right for you. But I do want to wish you luck and happiness with whatever you choose to do.Posted 09-11-2014 at 07:55 AM by Butterfly
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Rose, I am new and so I believe you were in "GD", way back is what it sounds like.
I am happy to hear how you have met someone offline and it has become something really special to you. It is good in how he has try to please you, in that effort to prove to you how important you are to him, and how much you mean to him. The thing is once you are into this, it is really very hard to really kick the habit, no matter how hard or how much you try to get away from it. But there is only that amount of understanding that a guy really can give to a woman, who has felt this is that fullfulment that was so very needed in her life. With you still thinking about the past, and how you have not overcome the needs and the feelings in missing it is hard. It can only be overcome by you as time goes on, and with that deep caring, and the pure happiness that you have stated you are getting from your offline boyfriend.
Yet, with that thoughts of how it was, and how you share that you at times are missing that control feelings can really go either way. But with that determine factor of how you feel that you are done with this lifestyle, means you truly know what you want and that is your big plus in your life.Posted 09-11-2014 at 09:31 PM by MasterDaddy02
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Rose
Thank you for blogging this, another way you may consider looking at your current relationship is that yo have been the perfect sub and out of Love and submission to him have forsaken the D/s lifestyle.
When in previous relationships I have not been able to either introduce D/s or felt I could not breach it when feelibg Submissive I did what I can Silent Subbing, doing what ever they wanted and putting their needs before mine, it helped to deal with the D/s Desire
Mr CharcolPosted 09-12-2014 at 03:46 AM by MrCharcol
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It has been awhile since we have chatted I am glad to hear things are going good between you 2!! Even though you gave up d/s for him think at how far he has come with you from the very start all the things he was scared of that he now loves :PPosted 09-15-2014 at 07:39 PM by Shadowice
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hi rose, i am new to all of this. i am the dom and my bf is the sub. just wondering what sort of fun things did you enjoy doing?
Posted 09-04-2015 at 03:51 PM by vickster
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This is a truly enjoyable ramble of thoughts. It so perfectly captures the mixed tumble of thoughts and feelings that so many people express, and more feel. There is a real relationship, the everyday life reality of a true partner with who you can meet and conquer the world. There are those countless tumbling dice of dreams, needs, wants, and sometimes fears, that some part of us cannot live without. But as they tumble around our minds and our spirits, it is hard to know which we can fit into our real lives, that place where we eat and sleep, and work and play, and love and grow. So don't worry about the tumble and the jumble because most of us reading have the same kind of tumble going on and we are glad to know that we are not alone.Posted 11-30-2016 at 10:02 PM by MarvHarvey
