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Ramblings of a Nymphet
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Advice to Doms

Posted 08-09-2018 at 01:50 PM by lilith_
Updated 08-20-2018 at 11:12 AM by lilith_

- Talk to subs the same way you talk to anyone else. It's very important to remember that just because someone is submissive, they are not YOUR sub and they should be respected and treated kindly.

- Don't hide behind your screen! Talk to people online the same way you'd talk to them offline. Showing your penis to a random person irl would most likely make you a sex offender, online is NO different.

- Not everyone likes name calling and not every sub identifies as a "slut". Don't call people those things unless you have first asked them if it is okay.

- Think before giving a dare. Does it involve clueless people whose consent is violated? (using their underwear, belongings, clothes, been seen by vanilla - or not - people who have no desire of seeing you, etc..) Is it dangerous? (tying up balls tighty for too long for example can be dangerous) is it illegal?

- You should not forget that a D/s relationship is a RELATIONSHIP. You need to care for your submissive and not use BDSM as an excuse to act out on your sadistic (but asshole) impulses.

- Remember! Wanting to hurt another person (consensually, in a BDSM scene) does NOT make you a bad person!

- Relationships take time to form. Just like a vanilla relationship can't happen in a day, a BDSM relationship is no different. In fact it needs much more time for it to grow and you shouldn't dive into it too fast and rush into things. Take your time to get to know your partner. Strong feelings of friendship and love make it much easier to trust and there's nothing more wonderful than a strong, trusting BDSM relationship.

- Don't be afraid to open up or seem weak. You might be a Dom but you're still a person with feelings, insecurities and fears. Talking about it with your sub doesn't make you any less of a Dom and it makes your relationship stronger. Doms cry too!

- This is a bit controversial but personally I think it is very wrong to hide your online and/or kinky side from your clueless vanilla partners.

I might edit this and update it if I think of more :P
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    nina@'s Avatar
    I agree with everything you say in essence. But lately as I have been exploring domination myself I found that while we often demarcate that experienced ones know these and new ones need to learn, I have seen that many who have claimed to have dominated for years still fail to understand some of these points above while some newbies can. Then I think, may be the true demarcation is when domination comes to you naturally from when someone is a wannabe pretending to dominate. Just my views
    Posted 08-09-2018 at 02:20 PM by [email protected] nina@ is offline
    Updated 08-09-2018 at 02:30 PM by [email protected]
  2. Old Comment
    anoo666's Avatar
    Very good and valid points a lot old or new should keep in mind.

    A point i also often see forgotten from doms and subs alike:
    D/s is a relationship foremost, all rules of a normal relationship still apply. If you feel some behavior would be wrong in a relationship it is also wrong in D/s
    Posted 08-09-2018 at 02:56 PM by anoo666 anoo666 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Cassandra's Avatar
    Copy that! Thanks for writing it down. I hope many people read it and take it too heart, besides the many people who read it but already know it and act by it.
    Posted 08-09-2018 at 03:42 PM by Cassandra Cassandra is offline
  4. Old Comment
    420jenni's Avatar
    Girl yes indeed on all points! Especially the last one! If opening up about your kink ruins your romance, then your romance fucking sucks and is dumb. And it's obviously just kinda uncool to play with others, even online, without your partners' consent or knowledge. It's fun to be a slut and stuff, but it's not fun to lie to and hide from the people you love.
    Posted 08-09-2018 at 04:39 PM by 420jenni 420jenni is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Joan Sky's Avatar
    I agree with everything that was said in the previous comments and the blog. Even the controversial one you brought up. But I am also generally open-minded and understanding to a point. There's little that shocks me I think. I know a few people on here who have important reasons, and I don't like to be judgemental. Cases like theirs seem more rare, but I accept them as friends though I don't personally subscribe to it myself.

    Like I said, everything mentioned previously I share the same views... I value honesty and good values. I like good communication and making an effort to understand and show how much you mean to each other.

    At other times, I may have different views on things or preferences than someone, but I try to understand and see the different sides to a situation. And those people you seemed to be writing about in general seem to lack character and need growth whenever they wake up and realize...

    I am currently single in real life and online, but I treat every relationship, whether it be a friendship or more, as real and respect it as such. I just have plain manners; I was brought up that way.

    But I am realistic too and honest communication, respect, adequate effort, and understanding is important. Or at least trying to understand. Otherwise I don't personally see the point in being a relationship.

    A relationship isn't self-centric, we're not like the Sun, we're more like the planets that are working together with our gravitation pulls, revolutions, and being in sync. That's why it's call relation-ship and not just ship.

    Sometimes it means some compromise along the way, because everyone is different and not 8 billion clones of ourself, thank God. But when you care deeply about someone, it isn't too hard. It takes two to make it work, not one. Balance.

    Thanks for this post Lilith and everyone for their comments
    Posted 08-09-2018 at 05:57 PM by Joan Sky Joan Sky is offline
    Updated 08-10-2018 at 06:00 AM by Joan Sky
  6. Old Comment
    sir sam's Avatar
    All well said.
    Only sad thing....
    Serious new doms who take things seriously would probably be careful and learn these kind of things. The doms that are in violation of all of this will probably never learn.
    Anyways... all true.
    Posted 08-10-2018 at 01:04 AM by sir sam sir sam is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Butterfly's Avatar
    I agree with all points made, but as others said, I don't think these need to be directed at just new doms. I think it is a good reminder for all Doms.
    Posted 08-10-2018 at 10:04 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline
  8. Old Comment
    lilith_'s Avatar
    I decided to change the title because you are all right! Many Doms who have been in the lifestyle for quite a while are known for fucking up dramatically.
    Posted 08-20-2018 at 11:13 AM by lilith_ lilith_ is offline
  9. Old Comment
    marissa353's Avatar
    Yesssss, I love this and it should be required reading for everyone here <3
    Posted 08-20-2018 at 03:51 PM by marissa353 marissa353 is online now
 

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