When Is It Okay To Safeword?
As AM and I can't be together physically 24/7 he has okay'ed me still having the occasional session with a play partner. Sometimes he will join us via skype cam and join in with direction and orders and sometimes he isn't able to join us depending on his own daily commitments.
With AM I don't have a safeword, with anyone else I do. Recently I had a session that I safeworded about halfway through and I found it interesting when I realized that the person I DON'T have a safeword or limits with is the person I have never felt like I needed to or should, or wished I had, whereas the person I have boundaries with resulted in safewording.
AM wasn't able to join us this time but as I have played with, let's call him Z, before, I knew what to expect and I knew it would be a rough session. A long time ago we had agreed on a safeword, verbal and nonverbal, and I had never had to use it yet. This time I did.
Not because I was uncomfortable (Well, not in the 'Omg stop this" sense) but because I couldn't hold my breath any longer. We were doing some deepthroat and I think I am pretty good at it and it is something I enjoy also. It makes me feel powerless which is a feeling I usually enjoy, depending on the person and the activity. But I can only hold my breath so long. Even before I safeworded I was involuntarily trying to move my head away and Z was holding me down. When I knew I absolutely HAD to breathe a quick two taps on his legs and he let go of me immediately, asking if I was okay.
I was. I just needed a few seconds to catch my breath back and I was good to continue-but that isn't the point of this blog entry. The point is safewording and how I felt about it. Was I sad I had to safeword? No. I NEED oxygen, I can't fight it for very long before my body tells me it needs a break. Did it result in me feeling unsure about scening with Z? No. He stopped straight away as soon as I tapped him and asked more than once if I was okay before we continued. If he hadn't have listened I would not be playing ever again with him. So what am I trying to say here?
If you need to safeword, then DO. Don't feel bad about it. We all have different limits and our bodies handle different kinks differently to someone else. I have never needed to or wanted to safeword with AM (Which ya know is good since I don't have a safeword there.) and that has only been possible because we know each other so well, he knows me better than anyone else in the entire world except myself. Although every now and then he knows me better than even myself too.
When I told AM I had safeworded his first question was "are you okay?" (Along with "That's surprising" when I said it was from deepthroating.) and I genuinely was. I didn't feel guilty, and if anything I was glad I had used the safeword. It made me realize I can and would and I had nothing to feel bad about by doing so.
A very long time ago, I would have been so disappointed in MYSELF for safewording and I would have felt horribly guilty. But this time I realized I needed to and so I did. It isn't just my play partner's responsiblity to monitor me, it is also MY responsibility to monitor my own wellbeing too. Who knows better than myself how I am feeling or coping?
So...I guess I am just saying this: If you feel you need to safeword, don't feel ashamed or guilty. Safeword! If your partner doesn't listen, please don't stay with them, that would be abuse. And if you are unsure if you could safeword due to negative feelings associated with it, practice until you are comfortable. Hopefully your partner will look out for you, but no one can look out for you better than yourself. So what is the answer to the blog title? It is ALWAYS okay to safeword!
With AM I don't have a safeword, with anyone else I do. Recently I had a session that I safeworded about halfway through and I found it interesting when I realized that the person I DON'T have a safeword or limits with is the person I have never felt like I needed to or should, or wished I had, whereas the person I have boundaries with resulted in safewording.
AM wasn't able to join us this time but as I have played with, let's call him Z, before, I knew what to expect and I knew it would be a rough session. A long time ago we had agreed on a safeword, verbal and nonverbal, and I had never had to use it yet. This time I did.
Not because I was uncomfortable (Well, not in the 'Omg stop this" sense) but because I couldn't hold my breath any longer. We were doing some deepthroat and I think I am pretty good at it and it is something I enjoy also. It makes me feel powerless which is a feeling I usually enjoy, depending on the person and the activity. But I can only hold my breath so long. Even before I safeworded I was involuntarily trying to move my head away and Z was holding me down. When I knew I absolutely HAD to breathe a quick two taps on his legs and he let go of me immediately, asking if I was okay.
I was. I just needed a few seconds to catch my breath back and I was good to continue-but that isn't the point of this blog entry. The point is safewording and how I felt about it. Was I sad I had to safeword? No. I NEED oxygen, I can't fight it for very long before my body tells me it needs a break. Did it result in me feeling unsure about scening with Z? No. He stopped straight away as soon as I tapped him and asked more than once if I was okay before we continued. If he hadn't have listened I would not be playing ever again with him. So what am I trying to say here?
If you need to safeword, then DO. Don't feel bad about it. We all have different limits and our bodies handle different kinks differently to someone else. I have never needed to or wanted to safeword with AM (Which ya know is good since I don't have a safeword there.) and that has only been possible because we know each other so well, he knows me better than anyone else in the entire world except myself. Although every now and then he knows me better than even myself too.
When I told AM I had safeworded his first question was "are you okay?" (Along with "That's surprising" when I said it was from deepthroating.) and I genuinely was. I didn't feel guilty, and if anything I was glad I had used the safeword. It made me realize I can and would and I had nothing to feel bad about by doing so.
A very long time ago, I would have been so disappointed in MYSELF for safewording and I would have felt horribly guilty. But this time I realized I needed to and so I did. It isn't just my play partner's responsiblity to monitor me, it is also MY responsibility to monitor my own wellbeing too. Who knows better than myself how I am feeling or coping?
So...I guess I am just saying this: If you feel you need to safeword, don't feel ashamed or guilty. Safeword! If your partner doesn't listen, please don't stay with them, that would be abuse. And if you are unsure if you could safeword due to negative feelings associated with it, practice until you are comfortable. Hopefully your partner will look out for you, but no one can look out for you better than yourself. So what is the answer to the blog title? It is ALWAYS okay to safeword!
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I am surprised to find such a long text. I would have written "Always." And not any word more (which is a lie of course
).
Thanks for the splendid text.
I totally agree. Never be afraid or hesitent to safeword. Use it and live another day to have another session.Posted 01-30-2018 at 05:29 PM by CSasha 
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I want a "LIKE" button to click for this post...Posted 01-30-2018 at 05:50 PM by Blue Fox
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It is thanks to you and people like you that things like safewords do not scare me like they used to. Both the safety thing you alluded to here and even when you feel really uncomfortable, safe words can be important. I agree with Ze'Rehan. I could not like this enough and I wish the blogs had like buttons.Posted 01-30-2018 at 07:45 PM by Wedgiebondagebabe
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Is all I can think of :')Posted 01-31-2018 at 04:25 AM by SweetTeen
